Bare MFM

We climb into bed, the three of us. This has happened before, a number of times. We have a routine, and I am pretty sure we all enjoy it. I know I do.

You start massaging my tits and stomach and thighs, slowly working your way toward my pussy. You kiss my neck passionately, making me shiver literally from my little toes up to the crown of my head. It’s about as good as an orgasm. Waves of shivers pass over my skin. I moan. I want.

And you are laying on the other side of me. I lean over and we kiss, tenderly at first and then it becomes more rough. You grab my neck, making me gasp in surprise and ecstasy.

I have two hands, and two cocks to rub. I take hold of each, stroking, feeling both grow larger and larger in my hands, throbbing. Waiting for my pussy. This warm-up is standard, and it turns me on like crazy every time. I want both at the same time for a long time.

I go down on one of you until you can’t take it anymore. You get behind me in doggy style while I go down on you, the other wonderful you. The pounding makes me yell and scream, so much so I can barely continue my blow job. You love watching my face, and you pull my hair and grab my throat.

You are slamming me harder and harder, and it feels so fucking good. Your bare cock inside me. I want your come, I yell. Fill me up. And you do.

I catch my breath, and get on top of you. I love having two loads inside, and I intend to get that. I’m riding you harder and harder, faster and faster. You’re squeezing my tits, breathing harder and harder. I tell you, I want your come, give it to me. And you do.

And sometimes, I’m on top of you and my other you gets behind so I have both cocks at once inside me. The fullness and taboo and raunchiness of this position makes me come. Both bare cocks sliding inside, both loads of come making me moan from pleasure.

Always, I want it again.

Nonmonogamy research, gender, self care, and HIV

Links to share:

This is a pretty fascinating summary of research done on the perception of different types of nonmonogamy; spoiler alert, poly folks were perceived to be more moral while swingers were perceived to be more adventurous.

A pretty awesome piece written on the lessons to be gained from dating someone in an open relationship

A fun compilation of vagina facts

Ginny on using language to be more gender-inclusive

The Gottman blog on self care, autonomy, closeness, and relationship interdependence

Interesting ideas on why childfree couples seem to cheat less than their counterparts with children

I love this infographic from The Lancet on HIV and sex workers:

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Chocolate Fudge Gelato

I ate a bunch of this delicious stuff, and I realize that my life feels like chocolate fudge gelato lately: creamy, rich, sweet but not too sweet, filling, complex… a complete burst of flavor!

Our trip to CA last week was more fun than I was expecting, and pretty rejuvenating. It was amazing to get so much heat and sun… and while I didn’t get to see my beautiful CA girlfriend as much as either of us wanted or expected, it was still an amazing time together. ;)

I am in the running to take my supervisor’s job when she leaves in about a month… craziness! Who would have thought? I am excited to see where this may go and open to the possibilities. More variety, more responsibility, management experience, budgeting experience, more pay… all of this has me happy and excited.

I tore up the carpet in our living room over the weekend, and it was a definite “fuck yeah” moment. I felt so cool ripping up stuff with my hands and tearing it out! And the room just looks and feels so much better without that super old, dusty carpet. The wood floors underneath were painted white at some point, but I don’t even care. It looks better, and is going to look even better once they’re sanded and sealed.

Before chocolate gelato yesterday, the day consisted of sleeping in (until TEN!!), a quick workout, the beach for four hours, and dinner to a super tasty Indian restaurant. It was a lovely week and weekend. I hope you all have had just as rich and delicious lives as well.

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Change is Constant

My reflection for today is on the constant change we encounter: within ourselves, within relationships with others, with life circumstances. Our bodies are always changing and different. The way we narrate our lives, our past stories, our understanding of the world, our ideas about the future- they are always changing. Here are some quote that I found that most inspired me:

Somehow, in the process of trying to deny that things are always changing, we lose our sense of the sacredness of life. We tend to forget that we are part of the natural scheme of things. – Pema Chodron

Life is expressed in a perpetual sequence of changes. The birth of the child is the death of the baby, just as the birth of the adolescent is the death of the child. – Arnaud Desjardins

The most precious gift we can offer others is our presence. When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers. – Thich Nhat Hanh

Beach

Patronage & Empowerment

Two pieces I recommend this week related to sex work:

‘Insatiable': One Woman’s Love Affair With The Porn Industry

and

Erica’s latest awesome comic on being a good strip club patron

Thursday night I worked (danced) and it was a rough time for me! I was so tired at 12:30am- and still had at least an hour and a half to go. It didn’t help that a group of guys came in who barely gave me any energy or money; it wasn’t enough to go off of and forget that I was as sleepy as I was. And yet, I kept smiling and laughing to myself: I’m so tired, I have to get up in seven hours for my other job, these guys are boring and making me even more tired. Why am I doing this? And the answer kept coming back: because I love this job. I love performing, I love getting naked, I love making awesome money doing it (ha, not from those particular guys, but in general).

One unexpected interaction I had was with a young guy (just turned 21) who moved out here not that long ago from Florida… because his ex stabbed him. He disclosed this only after I told him what I do for my day job. “I guess you could call me a victim of domestic violence,” he said. He cried. “The cops just laughed at me.” It’s not your fault. Thank you for telling me. That’s fucked up. I’m so sorry that happened. You deserve to be in a healthy relationship. There are some certain interactions I can count on working in a strip club, and even though I don’t count on interactions like this one, I am thankful I have the ability to navigate them.

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Sexual Agreements

A good friend sent me a book about a month ago, and I’m almost done with it: Sexual Agreements by Amara Charles. (I haven’t found it online, which is why there isn’t a link to it). However, Amara’s website is here.

I’ll post a full review once I’m done reading it (probably next Friday), but here are my initial impressions and responses to the book:

-I appreciate her unwavering focus on honesty, emotional boundaries, communication skills, and self awareness. All of these are essential in having positive conversations about sexual needs, desires, and preferences.

-I also appreciate that her book seems to be built on the idea that two people in a relationship deserve to be sexually compatible, and thus deserve to have honest conversations with each other about their sexual identities.

-She has really particular ideas about what open relationships are, and even mentions at what point that “there isn’t a word to describe being involved with more than one person” (something along those lines)…. I’m pretty sure that there are dozens of words to describe those different kinds of relationships. So far, I have only seen her reference or discuss open relationships that are built on a primary dyad in which each person only has casual sex with other people.

-She offers excellent questions for self reflection and reflection with a partner surrounding comfort levels, jealousy, and what kinds of agreements make sense for you.

Next week I would like to offer my favorite passages with further thoughts. :) Let me know if you have read it, or her other book The Sexual Practices of Quodoushka, and what your thoughts are!

Happy Friday!

Using Craigslist Safely

In light of this awful piece of news, I wanted to offer some advice on using Craigslist safely when looking for sexy encounters.

Basic technology and online dating safety considerations also apply to using Craigslist. Here are the guidelines J and I use. Abiding by any set of rules are honestly probably not going to keep you safe from sociopaths, but they will help you feel at ease when meeting strangers. Meeting strangers off of Tinder or Craigslist or Grindr or any other online platforms is risky, but most people are not sociopaths (and, honestly, every time you leave the house poses some sort of risk!). Even so, minimizing risk to your health and well being is a good idea.

1. Use an email address that is not connected to your legal identity. Set up your profile name as different than your legal one, and don’t use your last name. Craigslist at least now assigns a craigslist email to every user; you have to intentionally swap real email addresses with those you are corresponding with.

2. If you are sending racy photos, I recommend sending naked photos that don’t include your face. If you want to send photos with your face, you can blur out your face or use a black bar to cover your eyes. When J and I send photos, we have one album of racy photos with no faces, and one album of just our faces so that the two aren’t immediately connected.

3. Be cautious when sending videos. We have primarily shared videos with friends we already know pretty well. Once, we were chatting with someone who answered an ad of ours and “she” really wanted to see a video I had made. We ended up sending it to her through Google Drive, and then deleting it about six hours later. It’s possible the person downloaded it in that amount of time; I don’t think I would share a video again with someone I hadn’t yet met in person.

4. Think about using Google Voice as a second phone number. You can receive this number at your regular cell phone, but as long as it doesn’t become your phone number through your carrier, I don’t think it can be tracked in the same way. You can choose whatever area code you want.

5. When planning to meet potential dates off of Craigslist, meet somewhere public and preferably in an area that you are familiar with. Tell at least one person where you are going and when you think you will be home. Have your buddy text or call you at a prearranged time to check in with you. Have a safety plan in place that your buddy can enact if they can’t get in touch with you (calling the police would probably be a good move).

6. You know what they say about first impressions? I think it’s true: J and I usually know within a a millisecond whether we trust or basically like someone, or whether we don’t. Trust your gut and your instincts. Know that there are plenty of potential dates out there and don’t ignore your instincts in favor of a potentially sexy time. (This also applies to the nice person-jerk spectrum, and not just to those you think could potentially physically hurt you)

7. If you decide to go with somewhere after meeting in public, I recommend another more public place if you can, like a swingers club or hotel. Having more people increases your safety. If you decide to bring someone back to your place or if you decide to go to theirs, have separate modes of transportation and let your buddy know what’s going on. If you’re going to their place, send your buddy the address.

8. If the energy changes, your skin crawls, or your hair stands up when you get back to the place of residence, once again trust yourself. Don’t worry about hurting someone’s feelings; your physical safety is far more important.

Stay safe, have fun!

Any other pieces of advice that you want to share?