Hump Day Links

Amazing Color Pictures of Showgirls’ Life at Nightclub, New York, 1958

The amazing Belle Knox at it again: I Don’t Want Your Pity: Sex Work and Labor Politics

(I’ve had a loyal friend and reader suggest I write something about Belle’s experience with being outed and all of the media around it. It’s been simmering in the back of my mind for a while. I’m going to try to write about it soon.)

Ukraine Got Talent – The world’s best pole dancer – Anastasia Sokolova

In the same vein: Steven Retchless- Pole Art 2013

This app looks amazing. Can’t personally vouch for it as I haven’t used it, but the idea of a safety planning tool is really rad: Kitestring

Many body positive, love your body photo sites (Tumblr, Pinterest). I am loving this one, and this one, and this one.

your body universe

bikini body

Talking About Sex Work with Partners

I recently responded to a question my lovely friend Lo got at her blog suggestivetongue. I’m curious what my readers here think about the response I wrote.

J read the reader’s question as fairly antagonistic, and like the reader was actually pretty upset over his partner’s possible past sex work. How do you read it? Would you have suggested anything differently?

Here’s the link: Question: Bringing Up Escorting

Loneliness

I’ve had a lonely couple of days, and am feeling less lonely today. Loneliness is one of those feelings that just sucks. There’s no way around it, except through it. I can’t run away from it (or any other feeling for that matter). I have to let it sit and eat out my heart until it’s done. Loneliness is a vastly different feeling than feeling alone. Aloneness is delicious- I can swim luxuriously through aloneness and enjoy me, myself, and I in my own bubble for a while. I am productive and creative and sensual when I am alone. But this lonely bullshit has been just that the past few days.

the-lonely-man

It helped to type into Google yesterday: what to do when you’re lonely. (I know, right? How old am I? How did I get to be almost 26 and not have this list ready-made in my head?)

Reading other blog articles was really helpful (I liked this one and this one). Here’s my list.

What Katie B Needs to Do When She’s Lonely

1. Cry. A fucking lot.

2. Call my mom. Cry some more.

3. Call a friend. Like, a really good friend. Someone who I can practically get a hug from over the phone.

4. Eat delicious food. Like a really awesome burger. With kombucha.

5. Take a hot shower.

6. Stretch.

7. Listen to new music.

8. Cuddle with my pup.

9. Read a new book.

10. Exercise. Endorphins help.

11. Talk to more friends.

12. Talk to J and receive the love.

13. Welcome loneliness. Say, “I’m not afraid of you. You can’t make me hurt all that much for all that long. So bring it.”

What do you do when you feel lonely?

Working with Student Sex Workers

I can’t wait to see the roundtable I participated in on being a sex worker and going into counseling or social as a profession, but in the meantime, Tits and Sass published this lovely interview with two social workers who work with sex workers: Discussing Other People’s Lives: Social Work & Student Sex Workers

Quotes of note:

 Programs like Project Rose send the message that you can only be a social worker if you are a) not a sex worker and b) see sex workers as people that need to be rescued.”

In social work right now and in dominant white feminism, we need to be really critical about how we think and talk about this issues, and how our ethnocentrism impacts how we think people “should” live their lives. I am deeply troubled with the way that we are discussing other peoples’ lives over and over again in these conversations.”

A really dangerous liaison is happening between evangelical trafficking organization and “radical feminists” and social work organizations. There is a history of this, it’s not new. It’s my opinion that in social work there isn’t a critical eye being turned to this work because we are so deeply uncomfortable with sex work and social workers are so deeply invested in their identities as “helpers” and “saviors.” Annie and I present to lots of different audiences and recently I heard some feedback that there was the impression we were “encouraging” students to enter the sex industry, simply because we did not “condemn” the existence of the trades. Moving away from theoretical conversations about “empowerment” and victim/agent dichotomies makes people deeply uncomfortable because you aren’t making an assessment about if you think the sex trades are “right” or “wrong”.”

PS: This interview makes me so much more excited about my potential MSW program since these women work at the school I applied to :)

Quiet

I’ve been quiet on here the past few days. No real reason, just have been.

Let’s see:

My counselor had me start exposure therapy. I was not prepared for the consequences. I literally bawled my eyes out after my shower last night because I was trying to keep from visually checking my bod.

J and I had a sexy time after I calmed down and he snuggled me. It was much needed and really hot.

I made cinnamon rolls last night. And I let myself eat one today. It was so good.

I have been really tired lately. I don’t know if it’s the little bit of sun I have been in or allergies or my counseling stuff. But I feel tired this week, and particularly today. Like all of my energy has flopped in on itself and is sitting in a little pile deep, deep down.

I got invited to a femme sex party, which actually sounds really exciting and hot and fun. Too bad we are hosting my parents this weekend and I won’t be able to go. Next time!

Someone from my speed dating event messaged me on Facebook, and it was such a sweet message!! She has been silently crushing on me :) So we’re planning a tea date and I’m sure I’ll have updates for that if it goes anywhere…

I am nervous to see my parents this weekend. I am happy- I want them to see the house they helped us buy and to help us paint. But I have a feeling my mom will talk about her 500-calorie diet and it sounds hard to be present for that conversation again.

I kind of want a snuggle buddy. Just someone that would come over whenever and cuddle with me for a little bit and then leave. Just want some extra physical closeness.

My DatingAdvice editor asked for some new articles. I decided to write one on hotwifing, one on BDSM, one on putting out the gay vibes when you look straight, and then she also asked for one on deciding to film yourself having sex (how/when/why/boundaries/etc.). I’m always taking suggestions from my readers, too. Have anything you want to see written here or there?

Those are my updates, for now.

Happy Thursday :)

Body Catharsis

We were standing upstairs, and I was watching the women dance in the cage below. I want to do that. But I feel so unattractive. After watching for another 20 minutes or so, I felt an adrenaline surge and my arms and legs start to tingle. I’m going down there. I’ve got to.

I got in the cage with two other women and started dancing. I felt self-conscious. I kept my eyes closed for almost the entire twenty minutes I was in there. It felt like twenty hours. Stay in here, keep going. I even let my dress come up, revealing my neon blue thong. Every so often I pulled my dress back down to cover my ass. Just keep dancing, please.

After a while I started feeling better. Opening my eyes a little more. Taking up more space. Smiling more. Feeling more grounded. And happy. For the rest of the evening, I felt a bit more like myself.

The next day at work I felt pretty good. The crowd and money were slow, but for the most part, I had a fantastic time dancing and watching myself move in the mirrors. I still noticed the extra weight, but it didn’t feel quite as devastating.

Movement is important for me, especially how much I can be in my head. On Friday night at our club, I told J I just can’t get out of my head. It is near impossible for me to shake myself out of obsessive thoughts. Dancing is one of the only escapes I have found.

What do you do for cathartic release?

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