SexualityReclaimed

Relationships, Love, & Sex

Menu
Skip to content
  • Home
  • couples looking for a girlfriend
  • Resources
  • Contact
  • Bisexual Dating
  • Blonde Dating
  • Buddhist Dating
  • Gamer Girl Dating
  • Army Dating
  • Asian Lesbian Dating
  • Couples Dating
  • Foreign Dating
  • Lawyer Dating
  • Women Looking For Women
  • Bodybuilder Dating
  • Female Bodybuilder Dating
  • Foot Fetish Dating
  • Granny Dating
  • Hipster Dating
  • Bbw Sex Dating
  • Crossdresser Dating
  • Furry Dating
  • International Christian Dating
  • Lesbian Adult Dating
  • Amish Dating
  • Mennonite Dating
  • Musician Dating
  • Rich Women Dating
  • Athlete Dating
  • Bootycall Dating
  • Lesbian Christian Dating
  • Black Senior Dating
  • Gay Asian Dating
  • Billionaire Dating
  • Entrepreneur Dating
  • Older Gay Dating
  • Asian Women Black Men Dating
  • Bdsm Dating
  • Black Professional Dating
  • Shemale Dating
  • Asexual Dating
  • Cosplay Dating
  • Meet Hot Guys
  • Big Boob Dating
  • Biker Dating
  • Brazil Dating
  • Conservative Dating
  • Mature Asian Dating
  • Marine Dating
  • DA Archives
  • Bbw Milf Dating
  • Cuckold Dating
  • Electrician Dating
  • Femdom Dating
  • Gay Interracial Dating
  • Gay Military Dating
  • Goth Dating
  • Gypsy Dating
  • Lonely Housewife Dating
  • Senior Gay Cross Dress Dating

TOP TIER HOT DATING SERVICE!!

JOIN FOR THE BEST HOT DATING EXPERIENCE

TRY OUT

Tag Archives: compersion

Community v Individual Solutions to Jealousy

Posted on July 17, 2014 by sexualityreclaimed

This post is inspired by a recent read, Jealous of what? Solving polyamory’s jealousy problem.

Basically, the author argues that all modern polyamory resources offer solutions to jealousy based on an individual’s responsibility for taking care of themselves. In my public health program, we often talked about “portrait” versus “landscape” stories: in a portrait, you see one person. In a landscape, though, you see not only the person but their environment. This framing of stories and the problems within them pushes the reader to understand a specific set of solutions. This is my long-winded way of saying: if you see jealousy as an individual problem, you are likely to see the solution as individually specific.

The author offers an alternative: viewing jealousy as a structural and community challenge means we have the opportunity to see structural solutions to managing jealousy.

This article was a complete breath of fresh air to me. And not because I dislike the typical advice offered by poly advice folks, but because it offers a broader lens from which to view jealousy. It reminds me, too, of my brief counseling program experience and learning about the importance of how both people in the dyad shape relationship function. One person can never be 100% responsible for what happens in a relationship; the division of responsibility is inherently divvied up as there are multiple people shaping expectations, communication, “rewards,” and “punishments.” To say that jealousy management is 100% my responsibility has definitely left me feeling overwhelmed, disheartened, and lonely at times. I agree that I am responsible for how I respond to my thoughts and emotions and how I behave, but I appreciate the space this view allows for looking at how and why jealousy manifests in poly relationships.

The author’s thesis that intimate social networks build trust which alleviates jealousy makes a lot of sense to me. The more distance and unknown there is with regards to my partner’s partners breeds doubt, uncertainty, fear (for me, anyway). The more closeness, the more I am able to understand.

Quote of note:

“My hypothesis is that the more shifts that occur within a polyamory network, the more jealousy that occurs, which then requires higher degrees of individualistic emotion management.  In other words, individual freedom in relationships has an evil twin of individual constraint of emotion.

For those for whom individual freedom in relationships is the highest value, it may be worth the individual jealousy management that results from putting love on the free market.   But for those who don’t want to be faced head-on with the green-eyed monster, the advice literature is in denial about which approaches to polyamory lead to a higher or lower probability of jealousy.  There are no tools provided beyond individual emotion work for how to manage jealousy for those who want a communal, less individualistic approach to polyamory. “

What do you think?

Posted in Communication, Ethics, Media, Relationships | Tagged boundaries, compersion, honesty, jealousy, polyamory | Leave a comment

Random Things

Posted on January 10, 2014 by sexualityreclaimed

I’m not sure what this post is about, but I realized I haven’t posted anything in a few days so I felt compelled to write something.

Here’s a cute self care thing I did a couple days ago: I wrote affirmations on individuals pieces of paper and put them in my heart coffee mug. They say things like:

I now affirm that I love others without expecting anything in return.

I now affirm the gratitudee for everything in my life.

I now affirm that I can assert my boundaries and still be loved.

I now affirm that my body is always changing and always beautiful and always perfect.

I have been picking one in the morning and one in the evening. It’s been a way for me to meditate and keep positive thoughts in my head throughout the day.

Also, I have had a number of job interviews this week and another lined up for next week. That is exciting!!

I have been waiting for my sex drive to pick back up. Since I met with my professor a month ago and J had his vasectomy, between my stress and his pain, our sex life took a bit of a plummet. I can feel my sexual energy gearing back up, but it hits me at random times. I can’t count on it yet.

If you want any random reading, here are some fun and interesting articles:

Friends with Benefits

What is Compersion?

The Year in Sex- Continuing in 2014

Cheers!

Posted in Life, Meditation, Relationships, Sex | Tagged compersion, friends with benefits, self care | Leave a comment

Satisfying Connections & Emotions

Posted on November 24, 2013 by sexualityreclaimed

I had a really fabulous weekend reconnecting with lovely people!

Not too long ago in counseling, I was telling my therapist that it sort of seemed to be the nature of having an open relationship that I experience loss often: Well we used to date them, and then we didn’t, and then we were friends, and now we haven’t seen them recently, and I miss seeing them. Oh, and I was dating her and it was an amazing experience, and now that relationship is just gone. And they live further away and we just don’t see them very often. Etc. etc. It makes for a dynamic social network, with people changing from new friends to play partners to close friends to romantic partners to close friends to more distant friends and back to close friends. It can be a lot for me to keep up with emotionally.

But this weekend we got to spend time with a lot of the people that I hold extremely close to my heart. Out dinner with some amazing friends that we haven’t spent much time with this fall; catching up, laughing, and eating felt so good. Some social and sexy time with our other sweet friends who we see a couple times a month; comfortable, relaxing, and satisfying social time and group sex always feels connecting for me. And our other besties over for dinner another night: real conversation about our real “stuff” made me feel totally in tune with them once again. Having some real social interactions with the people who I/we have gone through so much with in the past couple of years was deeply needed I think. And so I am so grateful that this weekend opened up and gave me all of that.

Now to switch gears for a minute:

J and I were at our swingers club on Friday (when I/we had social and sexy time), and it was the first time that J played with another person without me. And I was totally fine. I kept scanning myself for negative reactions and emotions, and I simply didn’t have them. There were pieces in place that allowed me to feel so comfortable, and hopeful that he had a good time. Our sweet friends were there, and I am so comfortable with them, that I just folded myself into them. If they hadn’t been there, I think I may have experienced some social anxiety. Also, J’s slight ambivalence about the situation helped me feel completely non-threatened by the person and proposed play. So, it would have been a different story I think if I didn’t have friends to be with and if J had fallen in love with this person at first sight. But as it was, it was totally relaxing to experience the compersive and easy nature of the situation.

This weekend was full of things to make my heart full and grateful: amazing friends, real connection, and pleasant, loving emotions. Happiness. Love. Sexy times. Yummy food.

(Not a bad way to kick off a week that will be full of family- I’m sure I’ll be writing on various things sparked by the holiday coming up. It’s really awesome to have so many positive connections and emotions salient before I embark on family time.)

Posted in Communication, Community, Relationships, Sex | Tagged breakup, compersion, counseling, group sex, jealousy, sexy friends, swinger | 1 Comment

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 44 other followers

Recent Posts
  • Happiness and Sex
  • I’m Alive and So Are You!
  • Boundaries in Sex Work
  • Sex Club Etiquette
  • Surprise Me in the Shower
Top Posts & Pages
  • New Horizons Adult Social Club
  • Bare MFM
  • Women's Self Pleasure Circle
  • My Favorite Threesome Positions
  • An Insider's Guide to Hotwifing and Cuckolding
  • About
  • Hotwifing & Cuckolding- The Matriarch Reigns Supreme
  • Resources
  • Double Vaginal Penetration
  • Velvet Rope vs. Club Sesso
Archives
  • October 2014
  • September 2014
  • August 2014
  • July 2014
  • June 2014
  • May 2014
  • April 2014
  • March 2014
  • February 2014
  • January 2014
  • December 2013
  • November 2013
  • October 2013
  • September 2013
  • August 2013
  • July 2013
  • June 2013
  • May 2013
  • April 2013
  • March 2013
  • February 2013
  • January 2013
  • December 2012
  • November 2012
  • October 2012
  • September 2012
  • August 2012
  • July 2012
  • June 2012
  • May 2012
  • April 2012
  • March 2012
  • January 2012
  • December 2011
  • November 2011
  • October 2011
  • September 2011
  • August 2011
  • July 2011
  • June 2011
  • May 2011
Categories
  • Advice
  • Communication
  • Community
  • Ethics
  • Fantasies
  • Feminism
  • Identity
  • Life
  • Media
  • Meditation
  • Relationships
  • Sex
  • Sex Work
  • Uncategorized
Tags
attachment bdsm bisexuality blogging body image book review boundaries breakup bull casual sex cheating chemistry coming out consent control counseling craigslist cuckold dating disclosure domestic violence education exhibitionist family fmf friends with benefits gender group sex honesty hookups hotwife interview intimacy intimate sex J jealousy kink law love ltr marriage masturbation mfm monogamy nonmonogamy nre open relationship orgasm patriarchy politics polyamory porn portland power play privilege prostitute queer research safer sex self care sex education sexual violence sexy friends slut shaming social justice social media social work stds stripping swinger touch toys values vanilla friends vulnerability
Blogs I Follow
  1. Orgasm Count
  2. Sex And Psychology
  3. www.undercoverinthesuburbs.com
  4. theyogastripper.blogspot.com
  5. Brute Reason
  6. Loving Without Boundaries
  7. striptherapy
  8. Poly & Kinky Passions
  9. thepolyorange
  10. Sex
  11. Poly Chicago
  12. SeattlePolyChick
  13. polysingleish
  14. thevaginatimes.com
  15. The Tantric Lounge Blog
  16. The People I Have Slept With.
  17. Love Outside the Box (formerly: Uncharted Love)
  18. Tits and Sass
  19. The Radical Poly Agenda
  20. The Polyamory Paradigm
  21. suggestivetongue
  22. SoloPoly
  23. Sex Ed, Honestly
  24. The Gottman Relationship Blog
  25. practicalpolyamory.blogspot.com
  26. mysexprofessor.com
  27. Multiple Match - Ethical Non-Monogamy, Sex, Love & Relationships
  28. Life on the Swingset
  29. KIMCHI CUDDLES
  30. Journals of a Polyamorous Triad
  31. hotwifeblog.com
  32. girlonthenet
  33. Cammies On The Floor
  34. Between My Sheets
  35. atheist, polyamorous skeptics
  36. Amory Jane's Love and Sex Blog
  37. Poly Nirvana
Meta
  • Register
  • Log in
  • Entries RSS
  • Comments RSS
  • WordPress.com
Blog at WordPress.com. | The Superhero Theme.
Orgasm Count

The race to 100 orgasms

Sex And Psychology

Relationships, Love, & Sex

Relationships, Love, & Sex

Relationships, Love, & Sex

Brute Reason

Ruining your fun since 2009!

Loving Without Boundaries

A Modern Girl’s Life Practicing Polyamory / Ethical Non-monogamy

striptherapy

My adventures in self-discovery and making people happy through stripping

Poly & Kinky Passions

my experiences with a open/Poly marriage

thepolyorange

polyamory & more

Sex

Relationships, Love, & Sex

Poly Chicago

Perspectives On Polyamory From The Windy City

SeattlePolyChick

As complicated and wonderful as it sounds.

polysingleish

Adventures in an Honest, Anarchic, Solo Polyamorous Lovestyle

Relationships, Love, & Sex

The Tantric Lounge Blog

Relationships, Love, & Sex

The People I Have Slept With.

I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE TO BUT MOSTLY THANK THE GUYS MY FRIENDS AND I HAVE BEEN INVOLVED WITH BECAUSE ALL OF THE FOLLOWING STORIES ARE TRUE.

Love Outside the Box (formerly: Uncharted Love)

Relationships, Love, & Sex

Tits and Sass

One Big Service Piece

The Radical Poly Agenda

The Polyamory Paradigm

Relationships, Love, & Sex

suggestivetongue

SoloPoly

Life, relationships, and dating as a free agent

Sex Ed, Honestly

Relationships, Love, & Sex

The Gottman Relationship Blog

Relationships, Love, & Sex

Relationships, Love, & Sex

Relationships, Love, & Sex

Multiple Match - Ethical Non-Monogamy, Sex, Love & Relationships

Relationships, Love, & Sex

Life on the Swingset

Life less monotonous, life less monogamous

KIMCHI CUDDLES

Relationships, Love, & Sex

Journals of a Polyamorous Triad

Relationships, Love, & Sex

hotwifeblog.com

Relationships, Love, & Sex

girlonthenet

Just touch me. Yeah, like that.

Cammies On The Floor

Between My Sheets

Relationships, Love, & Sex

atheist, polyamorous skeptics

Criticism is not uncivil

Amory Jane's Love and Sex Blog

Life with an open mind, an open heart, and an open marriage.

Poly Nirvana

Love, Life and Rational Polyamory

sexualityreclaimed
Blog at WordPress.com. The Superhero Theme.
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 44 other followers

Build a website with WordPress.com
Cancel