Bare MFM

We climb into bed, the three of us. This has happened before, a number of times. We have a routine, and I am pretty sure we all enjoy it. I know I do.

You start massaging my tits and stomach and thighs, slowly working your way toward my pussy. You kiss my neck passionately, making me shiver literally from my little toes up to the crown of my head. It’s about as good as an orgasm. Waves of shivers pass over my skin. I moan. I want.

And you are laying on the other side of me. I lean over and we kiss, tenderly at first and then it becomes more rough. You grab my neck, making me gasp in surprise and ecstasy.

I have two hands, and two cocks to rub. I take hold of each, stroking, feeling both grow larger and larger in my hands, throbbing. Waiting for my pussy. This warm-up is standard, and it turns me on like crazy every time. I want both at the same time for a long time.

I go down on one of you until you can’t take it anymore. You get behind me in doggy style while I go down on you, the other wonderful you. The pounding makes me yell and scream, so much so I can barely continue my blow job. You love watching my face, and you pull my hair and grab my throat.

You are slamming me harder and harder, and it feels so fucking good. Your bare cock inside me. I want your come, I yell. Fill me up. And you do.

I catch my breath, and get on top of you. I love having two loads inside, and I intend to get that. I’m riding you harder and harder, faster and faster. You’re squeezing my tits, breathing harder and harder. I tell you, I want your come, give it to me. And you do.

And sometimes, I’m on top of you and my other you gets behind so I have both cocks at once inside me. The fullness and taboo and raunchiness of this position makes me come. Both bare cocks sliding inside, both loads of come making me moan from pleasure.

Always, I want it again.

happy birthday

Today is my birthday!! 26 years young/old, beautiful, brave, and strong.

Last night I celebrated with a 2 1/2 hour long massage and a super hot threesome. What better way?? For reals- it was truly the best.

It’s a low key birthday this year, and that is just fine with me. It reflects how I’ve been feeling- a little more introverted and quiet. I’m resting. Things are changing at deep levels, and it’s a slow and sometimes painful process. I’ve set an intention for my year: that my internal emotional world is changing for the better. That I will start to feel, think, and act more loving toward myself and those around me. That the value of universal love will consume my being and my relationships with others. That fear and competitiveness and anger will fall to the sidelines of my experience. I feel confident and hopeful that the steps I’ve begun to take have already begun to take me to where I want to go.

Hopefully tonight J and I will watch the newest episode of Game of Thrones, and then we’re seeing some best friends tomorrow for dinner. We’re painting on Saturday and then having a formal birthday dinner together. It all sounds lovely and peaceful. I’m so grateful to be where I am and to have all of the support around me that I do, and a place to call home and a partner that I love and loves me too.

My Favorite Threesome Positions

My latest DatingAdvice post is now live: My Favorite Threesome Positions

Read on for my intro, and please go read the rest if you are so inclined 🙂

“How do you actually have a threesome? I mean, I get you put three fun and sexually adventurous people together, but what are the mechanics of it? How do you fit three people together?

We don’t see threesomes in mainstream media, so unless you watch porn, you may feel a little stumped or even duped (Do people actually do that? Does it really feel good?)

I’m here to help.”

What are your favorite positions? Any majorly hot ones I missed?

Picking Your Third

My latest DA post is live: “How to Pick Your Third for a Threesome

Read on for my intro:

“You and your partner are ready to dive into some sexual explorations and want to invite another person into your bedroom. Who should you pick?

When J and I invite people into our bedroom, we do so based off some broad principles (which we have talked about before inviting others into our bedroom, and in some cases, figured out together after a disappointing experience).

1. Are we both attracted to the person?

Even if we are going to have an MFM in which J and the other man are not sexually into one another, it’s still important that J be intellectually and mentally connected to the other man.

Determining if we both dig someone else’s vibe, physically and energetically, is an important first step.”

Do you have certain criteria for inviting someone into your bedroom for a threesome?

Double Vaginal Penetration

Occasionally I like to write posts based on search terms that have directed readers to my site. This and the next post are based on said search terms.

Double Vaginal Penetration (aka DVP)

It sounds like a move-made-for-porn (and who knows, maybe it was). Who would want that? Why? How do you even do that?

As someone who has engaged in DVP a few times, I have some advice and insight to offer, although my perspective is limited.

1. Double penetration does not necessarily equal double cocks. J and I first started flirting with this idea by using both his cock and another dildo inside of me. It is tricky to maneuver (and not the same as having two live cocks), but you can experience a similar amount of fullness, stretching, and pleasure from it. I’ve found this to feel best with J on top of me and then sliding a dildo inside underneath his cock.

2. The vagina can stretch remarkably large- hello! Babies get birthed out of that thing. Of course your vagina can stretch large enough to accommodate more than one cock at a time. But…

3. Like preparing for fisting or inserting any large object, it’s important to warm up slowly and well. Make sure to use plenty of lube, and that you are doing what you usually do to be turned on optimally (dirty talk, oral sex, fingering, porn, etc.). If something doesn’t feel right, stop. If something hurts, stop. Know your own anatomy and pay attention to the signals you receive from your body. I know that for me, I have a number of smaller folds of skin that can get irritated quickly by too much friction of too much of something inside of me- it’s important to slow down, add more lube, and communicate.

4. Feel comfortable with your partner(s). Not just for safer sex purposed, but for ensuring your ability to stop the activity if it starts to feel uncomfortable in any way. Especially with safer sex considerations, it’s important that everyone feels comfortable being so close all at once.

5. It’s hot. If you already know you enjoy MFM group sex, then this is a really amazing position addition. My go-to positioning is to ride one person and have the other enter from behind like in doggy style. I generally slide onto the one cock, and let the person behind enter. From there, it just takes some experimentation with coordinating movements. I’ve found that everyone has a pleasurable time of it.

Have you ever done DVP? Do you have any other suggestions for how to have DVP happily, safely, and pleasurably?

MFM- The Good and The Bad

K and I have continually been working to figure out exactly what it is that we want out of this “lifestyle” ever since we got into it.  We continually discuss our ideas about what we would like to see happen, what works for us, what we have had the most fun with, and what we would still like to try. 
Recently K decided that she would really like to try an MFM so we asked a friend of ours from a couple that we play regularly with to join us.  He, after some conversations with his own partner, agreed to try out the situation with us.  Because I (J) am not bisexual this meant that all of the focus would be on K; a situation that K thought sounded absolutely perfect!  Before getting in to this sort of “lifestyle” the idea of an MFM threesome was not a turn-on for me at all but after talking with K and hearing how excited she was about this sort of scenario, I was completely turned-on!  It helped me to realize that I get really turned on when K is really turned on (something that I had already suspected); so even though an MFM really doesn’t do anything for me personally. . .I was completely on-board with the idea because K was so excited about it!
So K and I had an MFM with this friend from another couple we play with frequently and the experience was awesome.  He is a really great guy and very respectful and polite; the three of us have a pretty good friendship and K has an especially good connection with him.  The experience was awesome and I was able to explore a whole new aspect of stuff that turns K on that I had never known about before!  (I am thinking here about the fact that K loves giving and receiving pleasure at the same time with two different men!) Overall the experience was really great because everyone got what they wanted; K got to have twice as much attention on her, J got to see K completely turned-on, and our friend got to be an integral part of making a sexual experience an awesome sexual experience for everyone involved! (Thanks J!)
While that MFM was a great experience, not all of them go so well. . .
After that MFM (and drawing on her experience and everything we have learned up to this point) K decided that what she really wanted was to meet some men that she thought were attractive and have primarily sexual relationships with them.  She is not comfortable meeting men alone (and we have a rule that before we play separately, we need to meet one another’s partners) so we decided to post an MFM ad on Craigslist and be very specific about what we were looking for.  The ad required people to write in complete sentences, use paragraphs and punctuation, come across as intelligent, and generally seem appealing.  Despite these requirements. . . most people (50+) failed miserably.  However, among the crowd there were a few standouts.
We went last night to a local microbrewery to meet with one of the standouts.  He was very polite and we had a good time chatting with him while we ate.  Despite his generally nice demeanor, he still had some characteristics that were a bit of a turn-off such as seeming a bit arrogant and not being willing to express a whole lot of emotion (smiling, laughing, etc).  When he walked away to use the restroom K and I had a rushed conversation about what we should do.  K really wanted my opinion about how to proceed but it was difficult for me to give advice in a situation that was primarily about her pleasure, not mine. After our discussion K decided that she wanted to invite him over and go through with the “MFM.”  I suggested that we merely invite him over to hang out and if it led to more, we could cross that bridge when we came to it.
So K invited him over and we watched some of our favorite television shows while chatting with him.  After about 20 minutes of hanging out, I remembered that I had told some friends that I would be online that evening to chat so I told K that I was going to sit at the table for a little bit and chat with them.   During the time that I was chatting with friends online, K asked me a few times if I wanted to do it (while she made out with this M) and I responded that I was still chatting with our friends online.  After about 10 minutes K and (the other M) got up and told me that they were going into the bedroom and that I should come in as soon as I was done chatting.
This was a huge turn-off for me.  I felt like I went from being the MF inviting an additional M to being the M invited to join an MF.  I was very put off by the situation so I stayed at my computer and continued to email people because I was not feeling up for joining in on that situation.  K came out to get me after about 15 minutes, which was exactly what I needed in order to not feel left out and I proceeded to join in on the fun.  As soon as I got in the room I was confronted with another issue that we have not yet come across since being involved in “group play” situations. . . the other M was particularly well-endowed (like a horse).
I have never before felt insecure about that aspect of my body but coming into this situation, I felt particularly bothered.  I was not immediately bothered by the situation but I did lose my confidence for a minute and felt unsure if I would be able to perform.  Most of the issues around this particular M’s “equipment” came up the next day when I talked to K about the situation.
K has often told me when I ask her about this aspect of our playmates, “I didn’t notice anything different.  They seem like they are pretty much the same size as you.”  Her response in this case was not the same at all; she merely looked flustered and embarrassed and said, “Well, it didn’t work for me.”  For some reason, this response only frustrated me more, it didn’t feel honest when she said it because it just seemed like an attempt to make sure that I would not feel insecure about the situation.  We continued to discuss this aspect of the evening throughout the day and it just seemed to get worse the more we discussed it. 
I just want to pause here and say, “Yes, I realize that it is completely irrational to feel like someone is going to be more satisfying just because they have a horse penis instead of a human penis.  Yes, I know about the studies of woman who are partnered with men who have micro-penises (less than 3”) actually report being more satisfied than woman partnered with average to well-endowed men.  Yes, I understand that it may be uncomfortable to have something that is particularly large going inside of that space.  YES, I get it all!”  OK, now back to the post.
As we were talking about it K made the comment that she could only handle sex of that intensity so often because it is just so intense. This comment only served to irritate me because I want her to describe sex with me as intense, not with some random M.  Apparently this was just a misinterpretation on my part because she meant “intense” as in. . . not good.
Anyway, that was only one issue that we ran into throughout the night.  Since K covered the other issues pretty well in her post, the only other issue that I am going to discuss is the blunders that I think this particular M made.
1) This M was attempting to have an MF scenario but settled for an MFM.  It was particularly stupid of K and I to allow this M to join us after learning that he was primarily looking for NSA (no strings attached) sex but settled for MFMs because it was easier to find NSA sex in that sort of scenario.  When we learned this about him I was immediately turned off because I thought that this may lead to trouble but K was not bothered by this aspect at all so I let it slide.  Looking back on this, it was a mistake to not point this out to K.  The situation would have been greatly improved if we had merely excused ourselves at that point in the evening.
2) This M did not offer to buy his own drinks at dinner.  It was annoying that he did not even reach for his wallet when the bill came.  Enough said.
3) This M almost left our house that evening without even saying goodnight to me.  I had gone to use the restroom (gone 60 seconds at most) and when I came out he was just about out of the door.  I didn’t think too much of it at the time but this really bothered K and it meant a lot to me that it bothered her even when I didn’t think much of it.  I think this final blunder was really the biggest mistake this guy make.  It merely confirmed that this guy merely wanted NSA sex in an MF scenario but that he had to settle for an MFM.  Not even saying goodnight to me or that it was nice to meet me was rude and inappropriate and it was probably the main reason we will never see this person again (oh yah, and his horse penis. . . just kidding 🙂 )
So, while the MFM can be awesome with the right people, it can also be a major disaster.  Haha, that sounds so obvious when I put it into writing because it is just like everything else in life.  So, this most recent MFM was not great but I am looking forward to another MFM in the future when everyone is excited and respectful and K can have twice the attention and action!

Casual V. Intimate Sex, Religion, Slut-Shaming, and the Madonna-Whore Complex, Oh My!

So J and I experimented having a second guy join in on our sexual fun for the second time… this person brought up some very interesting things for both of us. Is casual sex okay? Does wanting, and liking, casual sex make me a slut? Do I have to really like the guy to do this? Can it just be for fun? What about his intentions, his motivations? What about the psychology behind everyone’s experiences? What role does religion and faith play into our decisions and motivations about sex? Have you heard of the Madonna-Whore Complex? Believe it or not, all of these things go together, and were brought up by inviting one other person into the mix!Casual versus Intimate Sex: Both J and I agree that we were taught by our families, religious educations, and society that we should only have sex if we deeply care and love the other person. Sex can thus only occur after a deep emotional connection has been created.

I (K) don’t think this is necessarily a “bad” idea. I have learned over the past couple of months that the emotional connection is extremely important to me; I don’t think I would enjoy having a sexual encounter with someone I completely did not know. I think sex is enhanced through knowing my partner; I feel more comfortable being myself, and it is overall more meaningful for me. Having a one-night stand with a complete stranger is not something I am looking for.
However, the black-and-white teaching that love equals sex, and sex equals love, does not hold up for me. I am not completely opposed to having a sexual encounter with someone I don’t know as well, and then experiencing what this is like without having to have any kind of relationship with that person afterwards. I also don’t think that I need to love my partner to have an enjoyable time.
My sexual experiences are completely different with my primary partner (J), because I know it can be romantic and deeply emotional. I appreciate these experiences, and they are truly my favorite experiences. However, I can appreciate the less deep connections and moments with other partners.
I have talked with some friends and family, and some people have expressed concerns to me that women form emotional connections with their sexual partners, and so having casual encounters would be too difficult emotionally. I can definitely see where this concern comes from, and I am cautious about this myself; I feel like I care for people very easily, regardless of any sexual experience I have had with them. J and I have talked about our comfort levels with forming emotional relationships with our other partners, and we are both fairly comfortable with this. It seems a little unnatural to us to not care at some level for our partners, and we both agree that intimacy is enhanced by some level of caring.
The bottom line about this for me is that love does not have to equal sex, and sex does not have to equal love. Sometimes sex is just for fun and excitement, and sometimes we can love others who we do not experience sexual intimacy with. Our most recent MFM highlighted this distinction to me: I can have fun sex without any emotional connections. I can watch this guy leave the house and honestly be happy to never see him again. Yes, the sexual experience probably would have been more fun and exciting and comfortable had I known him a bit better. But it was good enough. And we can move on with getting to know other people!
Slut-Shaming: This is an extremely interesting topic to me (K). I feel like girls and women are socialized to bash on other girls and women, and to compete with each other for potential partners. I feel like this socialization is personally mediated (interpersonal slut-shaming) and internalized (negative self-talk and self-slut shaming). I have recently experienced this, and I remember feeling this growing up.

The idea of slut-shaming is discussed in more detail in The Ethical Slut; it is basically the idea that promiscuous individuals, and more specifically promiscuous women, are immoral and deviant. Sluts cannot be trusted with having honest relationships, they will “steal” your partner behind your back, and they might actually like sex (which, as everyone knows, is in itself wrong. Ha!).

Trying out this idea of casual sex really hammered home this idea of “slutty-ness” for  me.In the Ethical Slut, the authors describe their attempt to reclaim the label slut, as someone who is honest and open about their sexuality, who knows what they want and are not afraid to find it and get it. Am I a slut? Would I call myself a slut? This word just carries a lot of negative connotations; I think I am more comfortable saying I am in an open relationship. Yes, if “slut” meant that I was simply open with my sexuality with others, and that was a good thing because I am honest with myself and others, then I would identify as a “slut.” I went through a whole self-slut shaming process today with J: I didn’t know this guy from last night! He was sort of a jerk! I don’t really want to see him again! I am a big ‘ol SLUT!! He was like, yeah, you are! Huh… okay, well… okay!

I don’t want to feel bad about my sexuality, my sex drive, my experience as a sexual human being. Everyone is sexual. Everyone wants sex. Everyone should be able to enjoy sex. Just because I didn’t know this guy well doesn’t mean I am immoral or bad or weird or gross. I knew what I wanted last night (an MFM!!), and I got it!

Religion and Faith: I grew up in a very progressive religious community, and I had a very comprehensive sexuality education because of it. J’s religious upbringing was a bit more traditional or conservative, but not much more so than mine. We both find it fascinating the guilt and shame that so many Western religions bring to the table when teaching about our bodies, sex, and pleasure.

The guy we met last night ascribes to conservative Christianity. The sense that we got from him was that: 1. If he was in a relationship with someone (aka, not single), he probably would not be trolling Craigslist and hitting up couples; 2. It is okay for him to join a couple, because both partners in the couple agrees to the scenario; 3. However, what these couples are doing (including us) is immoral in the eyes of God, but he is exempt because it’s not his relationship and morals he is screwing up. Interesting, right? He didn’t explicitly say those things, but talked in a round-about way to describe how his religious ideals match up with his behavior.
Madonna-Whore Complex: The Madonna-Whore Complex is the idea that a man experiences sex differently with his wife versus with his “whore.” With this guy last night, I was definitely the “whore” (or slut!). He can join couples and he can find open people online because sex with “whores” is different than sex with one’s “pure and moral wife.” This of course ties in with the influence of religion on one’s views about sexuality. Google the Madonna-Whore Complex- it’s pretty interesting!

Quick tangent: “There are many other reasons for a man’s sex drive to decrease including disease, injury, hormonal changes, stress, and extramarital affairs.” This was a quote we found when researching the Madonna-Whore Complex. What the heck?? Extramarital affairs decrease a man’s sex drive? We beg to differ! We have had more sex together than ever because of all of our experimenting, slutty behavior, and meeting and playing with new people! We think you should be worried if your partner all of a sudden wants sex all the time! 🙂