J and I began our search for a non-monogamous experience by going to a local swingers club, one that had excellent reviews online. It seemed like a very social and low pressure way to introduce ourselves to the scene. As it so happened, we met a fantastic couple our very first night there, and have grown quite close with them over the past two and a half months. We have all grown together through the experiences we have had, and are constantly evolving together through honest conversations, struggles creating and maintaining boundaries, challenges in being honest with ourselves and with each other, and moments of joy and friendship. We have definitely enjoyed getting to know each other inside and outside of the bedroom, and have found a deep friendship that surpasses, probably for many swingers, the stereotypical “swinging” relationship.
We have also experimented with a more casual swinging encounter, and it was just as much fun as our experiences with our more serious couple, just in different ways. There was no drama, jealousy, or insecurity issues on the part of anyone, and after everything was done, that was it. We might see them again, and we might not. We learned that we like knowing our play partners, but it is not necessary for us to know them deeply.
Now, we are beginning to explore other forms of open relationships, and I (K) just started reading Opening Up by Tristan Taormino. It has been a fascinating read so far, and has definitely opened my eyes to other potential ways for J and I to negotiate our newfound open relationship. From partnered nonmonogamy, to swinging, polyamory, solo-polyamory, polyfidelity, and mixed relationships of these various orientations, I have begun to see the many ways that we can love others and develop meaningful relationships with others, leaving behind the confining and stunting feelings of jealousy, insecurity, dishonesty, and possessiveness. While I do not know what our relationship will look like two months from now, or five years from now, I know that we will still love each other, maintaining our trust in each other and respect for one another as a priority.