Exhibitionism Explorations

J and I have known for a little while that I am an exhibitionist. I got off when roommates walked in on us having sex during college. Our first night to our favorite sex club we went at it in the couples lounge, where other couples and single women can watch couples (or moresomes) having sex. I loved it that first night, and I still do. We have had same-room play with other couples while people watched. 

Recently, J convinced me to dance in a cage in the middle of the dance floor at our sex club. We were with some amazing sexy friends, and had been having a great time already. I went in with the two other women, and LOVED IT. I thought a little bit about the idea of being bisexual while I was dancing with these (mostly) straight women. It felt so low-pressure and just fun, and I think part of that was because I know at least one of them really really well, and also because I didn’t feel any pressure to “perform:” neither of these other women wanted to kiss or fondle or grope. A little grinding up on each other did happen, but it was more hilarious than sexy. After a little while, I came out of the cage, and J told me I should take off my dress. It was just a matter of time before I did. The minute he mentioned the idea, I was like omigodokay. 

I haven’t felt a similar rush and excitement since we first visited the club six months ago. It was simply amazing for me. I don’t really understand this side of me. I am generally a modest person, and fairly shy when meeting new people. Body image issues have also sort of kept me from being more of an exhibitionist (but all of the compliments I, and J, received on my dancing abilities made my self-esteem soar sky high!). A year ago, you couldn’t have convinced me that I would ever dance in a cage in a thong and bra. But I did! And I LOVED IT. I can’t wait to do it again!

I actually started reading A Billion Wicked Thoughts by Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam, and I will be writing a full post on that book once I am done with it. (So far, it’s not the best, but definitely food for thought). One interesting piece they have included so far is the female desire to be desired. Part of the female sexual brain, they conclude from their research and from other research, is the satisfaction and fulfillment females get from the knowledge that they are desired by others. I definitely think part of my high from my dancing-in-the-cage experience was from how I felt desirous. It was delicious watching people watch me, and also delicious seeing people walk up to J, desiring at once to have me and be him! J and I have talked about how we have had moments where we think we have sort of reached the end of the line in our sexual explorations, and then BAM! there’s something new to discover, explore, and get excited about!

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