Since opening up, J and I have had more sex, better sex, and expanded our sex to include other partners, which has also led to more and better sex, both for us individually and together as a couple.
One thing has spiced up our routine in particular: talking during sex. And I am not talking about the kind of talk we used to have during sex (Hey! Did you see that article on NPR today??… Oh wait! Did you remember to turn off the porch light?… Oh shoot, I just remembered something I was supposed to do before bed)
I am talking about dirty talk. After reading The Ethical Slut, I realized how important it was to be able to name body parts and actions during sex, so that my partner could know what I wanted. I wanted the same communication in return; tell me what you want, using the words and phrases that turn you on. Engaging in this has led to more satisfying sex for both of us, because we are no longer embarrassed to say what we want. We actually turn each other on more by saying out loud what it is we want and like.
We have since decided on the words and phrases that we like to use: Pussy. Ass. Cock. Go down on me. I want to swallow you. Cum on me. I like it really wet.
We also share our hottest fantasies during sex. We talk about Goddess Worship almost every time, or at the very least, MFMs. We talk about tying me (K) up, about J going down on my avatar cock, and power play. We talk about our anal play and fantasize about double penetration (DP). We fantasize about having partners that we are so extremely comfortable with that we don’t have to use condoms with them (which, we have found out, is a fantasy for other couples we know well…)
It is crazy to me now how we never talked about these things, and hardly tried new things during sex. When I moved into my first apartment in college, we were really turned on all the time for various reasons: I went on the pill so we started having sex without condoms (which was awesome), and we had more space and privacy. We bought my first vibrator, bought a couple of books on erotic massage and tantra and sex positions, and had a lot of sex. But our sense of adventure and excitement about sex together certainly dwindled between then and when we opened up. It was certainly never bad sex; it just became less frequent and our routine didn’t change much from time to time. Now we have so many things to say and do that I know I haven’t been bored with the sex we have since early April!
Dirty talk. I highly recommend it.