We Got HUMPed!

I can’t believe we almost missed HUMP (The Stranger’s amateur and locally-produced porn festival) because I got food poisoning the night before. It was unbelievable! (HUMP, not the food poisoning.) I loved it. So did J. We just sat there the whole time, enraptured. We laughed, said “what the hell?!?,” cringed, and got turned on. It was awesome. Not to mention, Dan Savage was at our screening to introduce HUMP. He is so cute!!!

Both J and I loved “Centaur.” It was completely made-me-cry-hysterical. We want to share it with others so badly, because it was just so darn funny. However, one of HUMP’s mottos is “Porn star for the weekend, not for life,” and so the video is gone, gone, gone. The women in the film had the best dead-pan faces and the best lines. Some of our favorites (note: not actual quotes. We did the best we could from memory!):
“I shimmy up his back and sit on his face. . . He likes this.”
“His cum tastes like mountain spring water. Which is good, because there’s a lot of it.”
“His penis gyrates and the end of it vibrates. . . I guess it’s a little like my vibrator.”
“He is in the great room preparing for battle. I try to seduce him, but he yells at me ‘No, woman, I am preparing my sword for battle!!'”

I wasn’t surprised at all when I was turned on the whole time. Not because I was attracted to all of the videos or the people in them. In fact, some of the videos didn’t do anything for me. But again, I think it might be related to the whole notion of women being more easily turned on by sex in general; even watching sex in claymation between centaurs and women turned me on.

Which is why I was not surprised at all that one of the videos that turned me on the most was called (I think) “Sex on the Beach.” It was a cartoon for god’s sakes. But, it featured two things that turn me on a ton: gay sex, and GW sex. And, baby, it worked for me.

One that I thought was particularly well done was “Pedal to Pleasure.” It featured a beautiful woman who rides her bike into the countryside and masturbates. It was one of the most, if not the most, authentic orgasms I saw in the festival.

Our friends had told us to watch out for the piece called “Knife.” I was nervous for this one. But… while I was on the edge of my seat the whole time as the woman’s partner traced a knife around on her bare skin, I understood the power play. And I liked it. I didn’t like it when he put the knife in her vagina. But that’s just me.

J got turned on by far fewer and a different bunch of videos than me. He liked the Furry sex video, largely because the woman was hot. Yeah, she was. He also really liked the Miller’s Daughter because the figures were ambiguous but also attractive and featured young, possibly experimental, and therefore, probably exciting, sex. This was really interesting to me; this was one of the videos I did not like as well because of the animation. But I understand better now why he liked it.

Of course, the video “Teenage Dream” was awesome. It was clearly very-well done and looked like a professionally-made piece. Even though it never showed actual sex, there were plenty of naked men rubbing each other in the shower to make me happy.

“Don’t Call Me Missy” was also one of our favorites because we have a personal connection to the film. I honestly don’t know how I would view it if I didn’t have that connection to it because the fighting and intense physical power play doesn’t turn me on. But because I know what it does for the people in the video, it makes me really happy. Because it was our second time seeing it, we weren’t shocked to see the slapping, body slamming, and crazy wrestler moves. But it was so much fun to see it on the big screen and hear the reactions and laughter among the audience. And I am pretty sure I fell asleep that night with the song used in the video playing on repeat in my head.

We don’t want to “out” our good friends without their permission, but they got a really high award for their entry! We are so proud of them!

I never thought I would say I was “proud” of friends winning an award in an amateur porn film festival… But there you go. I am very proud! Very proud and very happy! 😀 … I can’t wait until HUMP 2012!

2 thoughts on “We Got HUMPed!

  1. We went as well and LOVED it. We didn't have the food poisoning, but were a bit under the weather. So many great flicks, and we're with you, when you have a personal connection to someone in one of the films, it's hard to step back. My personal best in show was the same as yours. Centaur. My other half went with the masses. Teenage Dream. For her though, it was such a great alternative to the actual singer whom she HATES with a passion. Young, hot, naked boys singing it is waaaay better. We did chuckle as we left the theater. Who knew we would go to a porn festival and actually know and recognize several of the actors in the film. My mom would be so proud. Cheers.

  2. Hi there kj… this is Missy, and it's so sweet of you not to out me… but sweeter to get the kind words! I'm about ready to slap somebody around again. And K, I knew that Sex on the Beach would get you off (you need those guys for your GW night!), but I had no idea centaurs would…
    Love!

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