As J and I were talking today on our way to the gym, he helped me with my definition of virginity. He ascribes to Dan Savage’s point of view on virginity: that you can be a vaginal sex virgin, an oral sex virgin, an anal sex virgin, an S/M virgin, a D/S virgin, a “kink” virgin, etc. According to J, if someone told him that s/he was a “virgin” he would automatically ask some more questions to get at what exactly that means. What have you done/tried? What haven’t you done/tried? How do you feel like a virgin?
Part of my discussion from my post yesterday was concerned with demystifying virginity, making it part of normal human growth and transition. Practically, though, I like J’s understanding of virginity better. In fact, it makes the idea of sex more exciting in a way: I have done X, Y, and Z, and I haven’t tried A, B, and C. It also allows for a nuanced understanding of what virginity is, and that it can take many more forms than just penetration that breaks the mystical hymen.