Oh Mom

My parents were in town this past weekend and I thought I was going to come out to them as bi. I also thought this might lead to a conversation where I would come out to them as open. Neither really happened (unfortunately)- well I guess one sort of did.

Situation one: We’re in the car. I tease my parents for having a bottle of Menage a Trois. My mom says, “Such a nasty name for a wine!” I was not prepared for the deep, visceral reaction I had to what she thought was a benign and acceptable comment. I felt so upset, offended, and angry that she would associated a threesome with “nasty.” Really? It sounded like a very off-the-wall comment, one that she had never really thought about. The way she associated extra-dyadic sex with deviancy and immorality just made my skin crawl. And I didn’t feel like I could say anything to contradict her without outing myself. Yuck.

Situation two: At a family BBQ. My cousin’s otherwise very smart girlfriend says, “I don’t think bi exists. I think you are either one or the other. I think people just have to choose.” Cousin agrees, saying he thinks bisexuality “is just a phase people in their young 20s go through.” I wanted to say- hey, there are three bi girls here right now. And none of us feels like it is a phase. What I did say was- umm I don’t think so.

Situation three: Sunday morning brunch after the BBQ. I tell my mom about my conversation with cousin and cousin’s girlfriend. I say, “Yeah, what I wanted to tell them was that there were three bi girls right there so it’s obviously real.” I watched my mom’s forehead sort of crinkle. She nodded and agreed with me. Later that day I found out from my sister that my mom asked her about it- so K was talking about herself, you, and cousin? My sister confirmed. My mom didn’t ask me anything more. So, I indirectly and sort of came out to my mom I guess? Didn’t happen exactly how I wanted it to, but oh well…

Situation four: At the Pride Parade. I really wanted to come out that day; I felt like it would be a good way to broach the subject. But I just didn’t have the courage to have an explicit conversation about it. Gah!

I can’t wait to get up the courage to just talk to my parents about everything. It will feel so good at some point to have it out in the open. 

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