-Having J touch my shoulder when I know it’s so hard for him to do
-Driving through the night to reach family and watching J sleep in the passenger seat
-Feeling honest and being honest
-Hearing J’s honest feelings
-Feeling scared out of my mind
-Sex in the early morning hours that reminds me of how bonobos might have sex after conflict: intense, thirsty, feeling drained and peaceful afterward
-Remembering and focusing on positives in our relationship
-Trying to feel grounded and sane, and remembering to eat

Really, Katy Perry’s “Wide Awake” is how I feel in my relationships right now

This is the most disjointed and unclear post I have ever written/posted. It’s more helpful to me than anyone else. But that’s okay, yeah?