Blowback

Coming out to my parents has not been wholly positive (which is something I expected, but dealing with the reality is still difficult).

Something I didn’t expect is the fact that J feels unsupported by my parents, especially during the rough patch we have been navigating. Before they knew about our relationship, they would have been unconditionally supportive. Now, he feels like if they know that something is challenging or difficult for us, they will simply point their finger to our open relationship as the problem. I know what he means, and these feelings simply reinforce my continuing recognition and understanding that my parents aren’t the people I should talk about my relationship troubles with. 

Also, comments like “you’re just so young” have been patronizing and un-supportive things to hear (my mom never once told me I’m just “so young” when I told her J and I were engaged). My mom has also made comments intuiting that something may be physiologically wrong with our brains. What the hell?!

I know my mom loves us both, and I know she wants to be supportive. The lack of critical thinking on her part has left me a little dumbfounded, but I also am taking Dan Savage’s approach: coddle her for a while, answer and respond to any questions/comments, and then after a while, leave it all behind. And if she isn’t willing to accept us for who we are, that’s her problem. I haven’t mentioned my dad, because he has not made any comments, or asked me any questions. When we talk to each other, I feel like he is looking right at me and already accepts me for who I am and J for who he is. He may not understand it, but he isn’t questioning it (at least to my face).

I came out to my parents because I had been feeling so utterly disconnected from them, and I wanted to reestablish a relationship with them. I definitely feel like we have been communicating more lately, and I also want to keep our relationship positive and emotionally satisfying for all of us. I hope that my mom can move past this idea that our brains have become messed up so that we can continue rebuilding our relationship.

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