J and I have been talking about our Party for next summer (aka the wedding). I am really excited about:
1. We are having Friends of Honor. Gender-neutral, and it allows us to recognize the fact that J has a very close, woman, friend. So of course she is going to stand up there with us. Duh.
2. Finding readings that represent our commitment to relationship diversity and LGBTQ rights. I included at the end of this post all of my favorites so far (some are more romantic- for example, ee cummings’ poem is my all-time favorite, and it’s not related to either open relationships or LGBTQ rights, but I love it nonetheless).
3. Reflecting our relationship and us as individuals in how the wedding is structured. This is related to not only having Friends of Honor, but the readings we have in our ceremony, the vows we write, the food we eat, and the music we dance to. Also, it is related to the fact that despite my mom is aghast that I want to shorten my dress, I am doing it, because I like short dresses, and it will look more like me. (I admit there is certainly an undercurrent related to my mommy issues and reclaiming control for my life, this wedding business included.)
I am adamant that our Party be as authentic and genuine as it can be, and ring true for how J and I are individuals and as a couple. That was part of my motivation for coming out to my parents, and why it was important to us to tell our officiant about our open relationship. We are both ruffled that not everyone will know about our relationship, and that the assumption is that we are monogamous and committing ourselves to something that we are not. However, I still think that it will be absolutely lovely to have the support of so many friends and family, regardless of whether they know or not, when we have a ceremony of love.
Possible Ceremony Readings
“Marriage is a vital social institution,” the reading began. “The exclusive commitment of two individuals to each other nurtures love and mutual support. Civil marriage is at once a deeply personal commitment to another human being and a highly public celebration of the ideals of mutuality, companionship, intimacy, fidelity, and family. Because it fulfills yearnings for security, safe haven, and connection that express our common humanity, civil marriage is an esteemed institution and the decision whether and whom to marry is among life’s momentous acts of self-definition. It is undoubtedly for these concrete reasons, as well as for its intimately personal significance, that civil marriage has long been termed a ‘civil right.’ Without the right to choose to marry, one is excluded from the full range of human experience.” ~2003 Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court decision that legalized same-sex marriage in that state
“Because the condition of marriage is worldly and its meaning communal, no one party to it can be solely in charge. What you alone think it ought to be, it is not going to be. Where you alone think you want it to go, it is not going to go. It is going where the two of you – and marriage, time, life, history and the world – will take it. You do not know the road; you have committed your life to a way.” ~Wendell Berry
“Can one have love? If we could, love would need to be a thing, a substance that one can have, own, possess. The truth is, there is no such thing as “love.” “Love” is an abstraction, perhaps a goddess or an alien being, although nobody has ever seen this goddess. In reality, there exists only the act of loving. To love is a productive activity. It implies caring for, knowing, responding, affirming, enjoying: the person, the tree, the painting, the idea. It means bringing to life, increasing his/her/its aliveness. It is a process, self-renewing and self-increasing. . .To say “I have a great love for you” is meaningless. Love is not a thing that one can have, but a process, an inner activity that one is the subject of. I can love, I can be in love, but in love I have . . .nothing. In fact, the less I have the more I can love.” ~“To Have or To Be” by Erich Fromm
Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle,
and the life of the candle will not be shortened.
Happiness never decreases by being shared. ~The Buddha
“Eccentricity has always abounded where and when strength of character has abounded: and the amount of eccentricity in a society has generally been proportional to the amount of genius, mental vigor and moral courage it contained. That so few dare to be eccentric marks the chief danger of the time” ~John Stuart Mill
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)