The emotional aspect of dating is something I have not been up for. Going through a messy break-up a couple of months ago coupled with my weekly intense counseling sessions means that I don’t have much emotional capacity for another romantic relationship. It has been very rewarding for me to intentionally take a step out of the dating scene and focus on my emotional needs in a way that I haven’t… maybe ever. The sexual and physical aspects of swinging and more casual encounters… those are things that I am up for.
The reaching out, the emails, the time and energy it takes to get to know someone else on my own… it all sounds intense (and kind of exhausting, to be honest). I just don’t have the interest in doing all of that. When I am interested, though, the time and energy that dating takes are hardly factors I consider. The energy it takes to meet couples feels different for me, because they are activities and processes that I do with J. It feels like we help each other out, in terms of communicating with people, remembering details about other people’s lives, and feeling out new situations. Meeting couples does take a lot of the same intentionality, I realize: I have to write emails, and meet people in person. But like I said, it feels differently for me because it’s a shared activity for J and I. It’s almost like our energy feeds off of each other and my energy grows for meeting people together (and doing people together, ha!). I don’t have enough motivation and interest on my own in building a separate romantic relationship.
I have a few crushes in my life right now. And the feelings I experience from them are really nice. I love that warm feeling in my stomach when I see that person, and the excitement that results.
And part of me wishes we could just… you know, get it on. But for some people, I think it just seems to rushed and too casual. (I know I definitely feel that way at times. Sometimes I really do want that time to build more of an emotional connection and relationship, and often I need that as well. But not in my current space.) Casual sex with someone I am really attracted to sounds so hot. If it was that easy… I think I would enjoy casual sex more often than I do.