I feel pretty well integrated and knowledgeable about my local open/ethically nonmonogamous relationship community. I am not integrated in the local kink community and culture. However, there are definitely aspects of my relationship with J, and my own interests, that would mean that we could easily find community within the kink community. What is interesting to me, though, is that I have met few couples within the open relationship community that have a relationship dynamic or structure or interests that overlap with the kink community.
Maybe I would find more people in the reverse: maybe there are more people in the kink community that have some kind of open relationship (rather than people who have open relationships that also have an established BDSM component to their relationship). I don’t know. My idea behind that is that folks in the kink community often have (in my experience) excellent communication skills around boundaries and agreements, and so it would make sense to me that those skills would spill over into the broader relationship structure.
On a related not, I remember writing a post about this way back when, but I always get kind of skeezed out when I encounter judgements within the alternative sexualities community about other folks within the community that do something different. (Ex: A poly person being weirded out and disdainful of swingers. And vice versa. BDSM practitioners being looked down upon by non-BDSM practitioners. Etc.) (This is probably a good reason why I haven’t met many people within that middle section of the Venn diagram- if you are shamed or have been shamed within your alternative sexualities community, you are probably much less likely to try to share your kinks with your open friends, or vice versa). Wasn’t there a Catalyst Con workshop about this that I wanted to go to? Ah, yes, I found it:
“Slut Shaming in Sex-Positive CommunitiesSerpent Libertine, Femcar, Crysta Heart, jessica drake, Carol Queen #cconshaming
Does “sex positive” always mean acceptance of the sexual appetites of others or other communities we’re not involved in? Why is it acceptable for sex-positive individuals to bash or criticize the sexual proclivities of others while claiming to be supportive allies? Based on our collective experiences within the sex worker, BDSM, swinger, poly, and queer communities, our panel will lead a discussion that examines some of the ways we’ve witnessed slut-shaming from those we’ve expected it least. Additionally, we’ll discuss why initiating conversations about these incidents can be even more challenging than speaking with folks in the vanilla world. By confronting this issue, we hope to find better ways to stimulate conversations among sex-positive individuals and learn how our words and actions can have an impact on others who lack understanding of our communities.”
Just a little rant 🙂 Thanks for reading!