How does the whole polygamy thing work out? Just curious, no one cares really? Or there’s just no emotional attachment ?

This is probably one of the biggest misconceptions of what polyamory is. There are tons of other amazing sex and poly bloggers who have addressed this, but I will now, too.

So first of all:

Polygamy refers to a marriage with more than two partners. Polygny is the more well-known type of polygamy, and is the custom of one man marrying several women. The parallel custom (one women who has several husbands) is called polyandry.

Polyamory, on the other hand, does not necessarily involve a marriage, although it can. Polyamory is about multiple, loving relationships and the ways that it is carried out is unique to the individuals within the relationship.

Next point:

What does that mean, “no one cares” or “there’s just no emotional attachment”? No one cares about sexual promiscuity? And is your second question informed by an assumption that sexual nonmonogamy would be easier if there was no emotional relationship or intimacy involved?

There are definitely relationship styles that are based more on sexual and erotic nonmonogamy and less so about emotional intimacy. Typically, this is referred to as partnered nonmonogamy. Polyamory, however, allows for emotional or romantic intimacy as well as erotic intimacy. So, some people find sexual nonmonogamy easier without emotional intimacy, while others prefer to have both sexual and emotional intimacy present within their other relationships. People within ethically nonmonogamous relationships most certainly care very much about their relationship structure, as they have intentionally and consciously crafted and agreed to it.


Assuming you question meant to read “So how does the whole polyamory thing work out?” I would answer with: self awareness, communication, honesty, and fidelity. You have to know what you want and why, be able to communicate that to your partner(s), strive to be honest and transparent with yourself and others, and honor your commitments and promises. Those are awesome and healthy characteristics to hold in any kind of relationship, and they are also highly important to polyamorous relationships (and open relationships more broadly).

Bottom line:

Polygamy is not the same thing as polyamory, and emotional intimacy with other partners may or may not be part of an ethically nonmonogamous relationship structure. Ethically nonmonogaous relationships work because of self awareness, communication, honesty, and fidelity.

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