Alright, so I have a major bone to pick with one Wendy Walsh, from DatingAdvice. Her most recent post “Do Your Sexual Strategies Match Your Relationship Goals?” is way off base (in my humble opinion).
It starts off reasonably, and the quiz seems fine. I think to myself: oh, so this is just meant to be a simple self-reflection exercise (I’m thinking along the lines of maybe: do I only engage in casual sex encounters when I desire having a long-term relationship? Or, am I in a long-term relationship but could really have some casual sex with that hot bod that just flirted with me? Or, am I in a long-term relationship and quite happy with my sex life? Or, do I date many people and have many sex partners and am I satisfied with that? Etc. etc. This is where I thought she was going with it all.)
Instead, she connects attachment styles with sexual “strategies,” or behaviors. I think there could be some merit to this, along the lines of: I only engage in casual sex because I am afraid of becoming too emotionally close to anyone. That’s where my understanding of her connection between the two ends.
These are my questions for her (and I left a comment asking, but who knows if she’ll respond):
“I have never seen anything before that connects attachment styles with sexual desire and comfort. Isn’t it possible to enjoy both casual sex and sex in a long-term relationship? Why would liking both mean that you have an anxious attachment style? Also, I am not convinced that enjoying casual sex means that you are emotionally avoidant, or that scoring high on long-term strategies means that you have a healthy secure attachment style. I would really like to see the theory behind this.”
I mean, really. Where was her evidence that these two things go together?? Or if anyone out there has some idea, please fill me in 🙂