Peyronie’s Disease, Cock Sheaths, Swinging, & Sex IQ

“I ran into your blog online the other day after finding a few postings on DA.com.  My searching for these types of articles will become apparent by the end of the e-mail.  I realize you are not Dan Savage or whatever but thought I’d go ahead and give it a go.  Hell maybe it will give you an idea for a column.  If not all I did was waste some of my time by sending a e-mail into the net ether.
 

After looking at the postings and some of your replies I’ve got a question about a certain… ahem product that you seem to speak highly of.
I think it is called oxoballs cock extender sheath.  So I took a look at the website these are from, but that didn’t really answer my unique circumstance/question and I don’t think my doctor is going to be privy to the information I require. Here goes with a bit of story included….
I’m a happily married guy and I do everything to please my wife (toys, rope, clamps, riding crop, etc. etc.).  The amount of towels we need to put down before sex would suggest that she is having a good time, but I would love to see if the oxoballs would give me some of the extra length I’m looking for.  However, I’m hesitant to drop cash on something that might not fit on a curved penis.
Any thoughts on if the oxoballs would bend easily around a curved penis or is it quite rigid?…
Without getting into graphic pictures, etc. wikipedia provides a good overview of the kind of curvature I have (peyronie’s disease).  Long story short over time the penis bends, which results in quite crappy side effects and some shortening of the penis…. And also there is no cure currently except some rather drastic and scary surgery (for the love of God! do not google that… you don’t want to know).
I have been exploring the long term option of seeing if I might enjoy watching my wife have sex with other men / opening our relationship so she can get what she needs from time to time that I will be unable to physically give her.  Sad thoughts for me, but it could be a reality and it seems rather selfish for her not to pursue things.  We have already talked about this and are very open with our communication.  Right now we are still in the information gathering / talking stage, but we might give it a whirl at some point with the right guy. 
We also thought about swinging with another couple, but I have doubts about how other wives would react to a curved penis.  It works fine, feels good to her, and she comes like crazy.  However, visually it seems like it might be a shock and / or draw comments (sort of my nightmare scenario).  Also… would one bring up this issue before play starts?” 
From J:
The Oxballs brand cock sheaths are quite flexible.  To give you some indication of how flexible they are, it is quite easy to bend them completely back on themselves with just the force of one hand. I am quite confident that they will easily fit comfortably on even a VERY curvy penis. We have both the “Dude” and the “Gym Boy” models and they are both made of TPR Silicone blend which is basically just flexible silicone. The “Gym Boy” is fun because it is longer but the “Dude” is slightly thicker. If you are quite curvy, I would probably recommend starting with the “Dude” as it will be less likely to exacerbate your curvature since it is a bit shorter. 

Also, I just wanted to add in some information about swinging and swinging couples. Since we started playing with other couples over two years ago we have seen tremendous variety in sexual organs. Everyone has pretty uniquely shaped, colored, sized, et cetera parts. If you engage in more of the “progressive swinging”, which is to go on a few dates with couples and get to know them first before playing, you may feel comfortable enough to hop into bed with those people knowing that they are not the kind of people who are going to make disparaging remarks about your unique cock. OR, you may feel comfortable simply telling them that you are a bit self-conscious about your curvy cock; my guess is that they will respond by providing some reassurance. I will tell you that I have personally struggled a lot with performance anxiety when swinging with other couples and I have found it really helpful to just put it out there before anything happens. I know this isn’t really what you asked about but…I just wanted to give you my two cents.

From K:

I thought it made most sense to have J respond to your questions about cock sheaths, since he’s the one who has actually used them 🙂 As the recipient, I can tell you that being able to play with size is fun! However, if your wife is already pretty sensitive to size, make sure to warm up her pussy really well before trying to ram your cock + sheath inside. Both sheaths that J recommended definitely add girth, as well as length. The first number of times we played with them, we had to warm up really well, take things slow, and use a whole lot of lube. A big barrier for me, though, was mental- I looked at how big the sheath was and thought “No way that is going in me!” I was wrong, haha. Now that we have played with those toys many, many times, the mental barrier is no longer there and it takes less warm-up to get J’s cock+sheath all the way in.

I really wanted to commend you for how unselfish you seem in considering your wife and her sexual needs. I think it is really amazing to hear that you would be willing to open up your relationship so that she is able to continue having intercourse with other people. 

You mentioned the possibility of you watching her with other men- does this turn you on? What are the goals of watching? Do you want to feel included or do you want to participate somehow? I only ask these questions because it seems important for you to know, as best you can, how you will feel watching your wife with someone else. (Of course, experiencing it can be something totally different. Proactive thinking and talking is the best you can do, and it sounds like you are engaging in that!) 

I also wanted to reiterate what J mentioned about bringing up your cock shape and sensitivities about it before playing with other people, especially in the context of swinging. My hope for you is that talking about it beforehand will alleviate your anxiety, because you will know before playing with someone whether or not they will be respectful, kind, and whether or not they are sexually/erotically intelligent. (Also, if you are able to have intercourse, enjoy other kinds of sex, and your wife has a good time, I am sure other women would be receptive to having sex with you.) In a traditional swinger space, I would bring it up once you have plans to play with another couple (I would say something like: “Yeah, this sounds really fun and hot! Let’s do it! I do want to let you know that my cock curves quite a bit. I can totally have intercourse and my wife always has a good time, but I just wanted to let you know.” This gives the other people a chance to respond before everyone is naked, and you a chance to relax. Getting turned on while anxious is almost impossible.) In a progressive swinger space, I think you would have ample opportunity and a lot of room to bring it up, whether it is during an email conversation or over your first date or two before things get hot. And, if anyone is rude or mean, you probably don’t want to play with them anyway.

Lastly, it seems important to mention sexual/erotic intelligence. It sounds like you are quite able to have intercourse still, but are considering the possibility in the future that you may not be able to anymore. I know that depression and withdrawal from one’s partner are common effects from Peyronie’s disease; I’m sure it can feel very depressing to not be able to engage in a part of sex that feels central to many people. However, penile-vaginal sex doesn’t have to be (and isn’t in my book) the be-all-end-all of sexual experience. Oral sex, anal play, playing with hands, playing with toys, incorporating dirty talk and porn and any other kinks all count as “sex” in my book. (And it sounds like you two incorporate many accoutrements in your sex, so, yay!) Think about how you define “intimacy,” too, and how you define physical intimacy. It doesn’t need to only include penile-vaginal sex. Broadening your definition may help you fear the loss of penile-vaginal sex less, or at least help you remember that there is still a lot that you can engage in that is intimate and meaningful and fun. I don’t want to discount your experience or minimize what you have gone through at all; but because sexual intelligence has been a really important part of what J and I have incorporated into our sex life, I wanted to be sure to talk about it here.

Good luck!!

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