Rough Sex & Non-Consent

I am discovering more and more that I like rough sex. For me, this means:

Holding my neck/throat
Slapping my face
Spanking my ass
Pulling my hair
Calling me derogatory names
Telling me what to do
Being pushed, pulled, shoved into different positions
Being restrained
Being blindfolded

…within a safe environment, with a partner I trust, with a safe word established, with consent.

I had a dream last night, after J and I had a somewhat rough sex session (I finished by laying on my stomach holding my Hitachi to my clit while he held my head under a pillow, after some other D/S, rough things had happened). In my dream, some recurring characters popped up- a few guys from high school that I had crushes on, who never gave me the time of day. I have had a number of erotic dreams with them in it, and my dreams invariably turn into some kind of gang bang. Except this time, I walked into a room where one of these guys stood, and he shut the door forcefully, grabbed my ponytail and was about to shove my head down on the floor, and, I could just feel it, rape me. For some reason, though, I was able to stop it all from happening (I haven’t been able to lucid dream much, but this was definitely it!). I spun around and said something nasty before fleeing the scene. I remember telling myself- this was my dream, and even though I enjoyed rough sex, I did not enjoy nonconsensual sex and I did not want to be raped in my dream.

Fantasies of rape and non-consent are so fascinating to me- it’s about letting go of my power in a moment, but not about being forced to do something against my will. It’s about exchanging my power and control with my partner, about communicating clearly about what I want, and about trusting that my desires are healthy to experience within a safe environment.

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