Soothing Words for Today

If you’re AFRAID to say it, that means you NEED to say it.
Relationships that are consciously CHOSEN are usually more rewarding than relationships built on default assumptions.
Real security comes from WITHIN.
When you hurt someone – and you will – suck it up, take responsibility, and do what you can to make it RIGHT.
Treat those you love with RESPECT.
You can’t be GENEROUS or COMPASSIONATE when you fear loss.
Compassion is most NECESSARY when it’s most DIFFICULT.
Don’t vilify those who hurt you; they are people, too.
The world is as it IS, not as we want it to be.
Life rewards people who move in the direction of GREATEST COURAGE.

~All from Franlin Veaux’s awesome Principles for Good Relationships poster

Today included one of the most difficult interpersonal situations I have ever been in. Ever.

J and I had a video chat with his parents today. It was not a conversation, but them expressing how angry and hurt and upset and sad and disappointed they are that 1) we didn’t tell them about our relationship two years ago, and 2) we will “never know the true intimacy” of being with just one person. They think because we are open, we can’t be truly committed to one another, and thus our commitment ceremony is a lie to everyone we invited. They compared us to pedophiles and zoophiles. They told me the email I sent was heartless, sterile, and unfeeling. They implied that I was coerced into being in an open relationship, told me that I am unhappy, and also accused me of not being loving or committed to J.

The place where I finally was struck deepest was when I realized that this was the heart of the issue I have been working on in counseling: to be seen and heard, to be independent, to articulate my needs and desires and to command attention and listening. I voiced my opinions, my apologies, my love, my desires and needs, and received almost zero respect or love in return. It felt really awful. I feel extremely closed off from his parents at this point, and really unsure of any kind of positive relationship with them returning.

I don’t know where this will all go from here. Our ceremony is three weeks away, and I do know that I want a happy, positive, loving, and supportive group of people around me when J and I have our public pronouncement of our love and commitment to one another. I don’t want people there who don’t support our relationship or see it as “doomed to fail” as his parents do.

Keeping my lavender candle lit for aromatherapy, and my focus on my heart and center.

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