I loved this book.
Basic ideas that I loved:
-At the bottom of every one of your fears is simply the fear that you can’t handle whatever life may bring you. (p7)
-If you know you could handle anything that came your way, what would possibly have to fear? The answer is: Nothing! (p8)
-Five Truths about Fear
1. The fear will never go away as long as I continue to grow.
2. The only way to get rid of the fear of doing something is to go out and do it.
3. The only way to feel better about myself is to go out…and do it.
4. Not only am I going to experience fear whenever I’m on unfamiliar territory, so is everyone else.
5. Pushing through fear is less frightening than living with the underlying fear that comes from a feeling of helplessness. [I absolutely love this point.]
-If everybody feels fear when approaching something totally new in life, yet so many are out there “doing it” despite the fear, then we must conclude that fear is not the problem. (p25)
-Change how we hold fear from a place of pain to a place of power: framing our lives not with pain words (helplessness, depression, paralysis, I can’t, I should, It’s not my fault, It’s a problem, I’m never satisfied, Life’s a struggle, I hope, If only, What will I do?, It’s terrible) but with power (choice, energy, action, I won’t, I could, I’m totally responsible, It’s an opportunity, I want to learn and grow, Life’s an adventure, I know, Next time, I know I can handle it, It’s a learning experience) (p26-31)
-Reclaim you power through taking responsibility for how your thoughts and attitudes affect your behaviors and experiences
-Embrace positive thinking.
-If you think about it, the important issue is not which is more realistic [negative versus positive thinking], but rather, “Why be miserable when you can be happy?” If being a Pollyana creates a happier world for you and those around you, why hesitate for one more moment? (p62)
-Practice affirmations (for example “I am now handling my fears,” “I am becoming more confident every day,” “I am practicing being peaceful and loving”)
-It is amazingly empowering to have the support of a strong, motivated, and inspirational group of people. (p80)
-The knowledge that you can handle anything that comes your way is the key to allowing yourself to take healthy, life-affirming risks. (p107)
-No-Lose Decision-Making Process:
Before Making a Decision
1. Focus on the No-Lose Model.
2. Do your homework.
3. Establish your priorities.
4. Trust your impulses.
5. Lighten up.
After Making a Decision
1. Throw away your picture.
2. Accept total responsibility.
3. Don’t protect, correct.
-No-Win Decision-Making Process:
Before Making a Decision
1. Focus on the No-Win Model.
2. Listen to your mind drive you crazy.
3. Paralyze yourself with anxiety as you try to predict the future.
4. Don’t trust your impulses- listen to what everyone else thinks.
5. Feel the heaviness of having to make a decision.
After Making a Decision
1. Create anxiety by trying to control the outcome.
2. Blame someone else if it doesn’t work out as you pictured.
3. If it does work out, keep wondering if it would have been better the other way.
4. Don’t correct if the decision is “wrong”- you have too much invested.
-It doesn’t really matter (p121)
-The magic duo- 100% commitment and acting as if you count- allow you to be totally present in each aspect of your whole life (work, contribution, hobby, leisure, family, alone time, personal growth, friends, relationship, etc) and not become excessively dependent on any one aspect, and also able to remain positive if unexpected challenges arise with any one aspect
-Say Yes to your universe. (p143)
-Acknowledgement of pain is very important; denial is deadly. (p148)
-Saying yes means getting up and acting on your belief that you can create meaning and purpose in whatever life hands you. (p152)
-Steps to Saying Yes:
1. Create Awareness that you are saying no.
2. Nod your head up and down- say yes.
3. Relax your body.
4. Adopt an attitude of “It’s all happening perfectly. Let’s see what good I can create from this situation.”
5. Be patient with yourself. It takes time to adopt a “yes”approach to life. Say yes to you!
-If all of your “giving” is about “getting,” think how fearful you will become. (p160)
-When we give from a place of love, rather than from a place of expectation, more usually comes back to us than we could have ever imagined. (p163)
-Give away thanks, information, praise, time, money, love
-If we do not consciously and consistently focus on the spiritual part of ourselves, we will never experience the kind of joy, satisfaction, safety, and connectedness we are all seeking. (p192)
-Why choose to be right instead of happy when there is no way to be right? (p199)
I loved applying these ideas to the fears I have encountered in our open journey (J will leave me, I will be alone, I won’t be loved as much or enough, etc) and to the fears I have in other areas of my life (I won’t be accepted by my parents, I won’t find a job I like, I won’t be able to make enough money and travel like I want to). This book provided a really valuable way for me to re-frame my thinking, and I think it will sit in the same spot as other books that have tremendously helped me (Opening Up, Love in Abundance, Intuitive Eating, Love Freedom & Aloneness, etc)- ready to be picked up again and read, and read, and read.
In the line-up next are:
The Power of Now
Loving What Is
Super excited! 🙂