My most recent post for DatingAdvice went live today. My editor asked me to write a post “for men” on how to to get into the lifestyle. It reminded me of the question I received a while back from a single man wondering how the same thing; that post is also worth checking out.
Here is the first part; please go read the rest if you are so inclined! :)
“I have had men ask me before about getting into “the lifestyle,” which to me denotes ethical non-monogamy.
The lifestyle is often the phrase used by swingers to talk about the swinging lifestyle, but I’ll expand the use of it here.
How can they get into it without seeming like an uncaring dude? How do they broach the subject with a current partner? How do they find like-minded people?
1. Know yourself.
Get to know your reasons and motivations for exploring non-monogamy. Be brutally honest with yourself.
The only way you will be able to engage in ethical non-monogamy is if you are able to articulate your reasons to yourself and any partners you have. Don’t be embarrassed or scared to admit to yourself what you really want and why.
Do you want to explore particular kinks or fetishes? Do you simply want sexual variety? Do you fall in love easily and want the freedom to love multiple people?
Write down some of the pros and cons you see in having your ideal relationship structure and let it percolate. This is a process, and your desires, needs and wants will change and can change often.
As long as you are able to be honest with yourself, you have taken the first step in communicating what you want to others and making it happen.”