Insomnia

tonight comes from:

  • Connecting with a new friend
  • Too much flourless chocolate cake
  • Raspberry wine leaving me with heartburn
  • Feeling excited to hear back from potential jobs tomorrow
  • Feeling hungry for savory breakfast foods (like mushroom tarts or the butternut squash galette I made earlier this week, or eggs and thick toast, and always bacon)
  • Masturbating to a fantasy
  • Excited to shake my thang at work tomorrow
  • Feeling off from not seeing J practically all day

What have I done to try to fall asleep?

  • Lay still in darkness
  • Read Dan Savage Q&As on my phone
  • Masturbate to a fantasy
  • Check Facebook
  • Journal about food
  • Drink ginger tea
  • Now I’m here

I’m reflecting on the energy in my life, and how it waxes and wanes. Social energy, sexual energy, emotional energy, physical energy. The energy to provide comfort to J. The energy to comfort myself. The energy to connect with friends. The energy to investigate a budding romantic relationship. The energy to work out until my lungs and heart and legs are so tired. The energy to stay hopeful and excited and optimistic about my tomorrow.

All of this energy is keeping me awake right now, and for once in a long while, it’s not stressful or anxious energy. So I am grateful to be awake at this hour, knowing I will be tired tomorrow but glad to feel the positive forces in my life.

Energy_ball2

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s