My life has been very full, and very blessed, recently. J and I are now looking at buying a house, with the help and support from our families. It has been an exciting, at times stressful, process. But I feel so grateful that we are able to do this together.
The process has brought up the ideas of people who are Aspirers, Partners, and Lovers (from The Sex Diaries Project, which I loved). J and I tend to settle out as Partners- we love doing things day-to-day together. However, I love being Lovers with him, and making my sexual experiences centered around what we explore together as a couple (with exceptions of course). All of this working and house business has brought the Aspirers piece up to the forefront, and I think it is the first time in our seven years together that we have really had this relationship function come up. We have saved money together to get a dog and go on vacations and to make sure we are both comfortable living month-to-month, but it’s never been a huge conversation because neither of us had full time paid work until now. And now that we do, we can actually make longer-term goals together. It’s an adjustment, and reminds me of the idea that we wear different hats at different times.
All of this also speaks to this idea of a Life Partner. When J and I decided that that’s how we wanted to refer to one another, we decided that we could see staying with one another for as long as we could see, and therefore wanted to combine our Stuff in real ways: getting married, joint finances, buying a house, supporting one another if and when one of us works and the other doesn’t. Getting to now experience more goal-planning and actualizing reminds me of how grateful I am to have such an intelligent and motivated life partner.
We can be different things with our partners at different times, depending on the context and circumstances. But what if we can’t or won’t or don’t want to? It is awesome to me to have a life partner who I can not only Partner with day-to-day and be a Lover with at various times, but who I can also Aspire with. Sometimes, though, there are parts of our lives that we want to share with others, whether that’s having a ski buddy or a tea buddy or a massage friend or someone to have casual sex with. I am thankful to have a life partner than I can share so much with, and it’s also important for me to remember the dynamic nature of our relationship and the flexibility we both have to fulfill all of ourselves in ways outside of our relationship.