Normaling

This post has been percolating in my mind for a few days, and I’m just getting around to writing it.

J and I have been normaling: ripping up carpets and painting and going to Home Depot have been, largely, exciting and fun. Because of all of the changes in our lives in the past six months, we have also been much more sexually monogamous of late (and I say “much more” because the frequency of extra-dyadic sex for us has gone way down in the past few months, but not down to zero). We’re still nonmonogamous at heart (J still checks the Craigslist ads and I still fantasize about others) but I also know that for me, my desire for others goes way down when I haven’t gotten my fill of J.

It’s been hard lately. He’s commuting two hours each day during the week and is understandably totally exhausted. And I’ve been in the pit of body image horror. Put exhaustion and emotional wreckage together and I think it makes sense that sex is difficult to attain.

But back to the normaling thing. I just love this scene from 30 Rock- leave it to Jenna and Paul to kinkify “normal” (vanilla, straight) relationship-y things. I feel like they’re on to something.

What do you think? Are you able to find the sexy and pleasurable and connecting parts of everyday vanilla life? Can you maintain some separateness and mystery in the midst of totally-togethering activities?

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