I just finished (in two days) David Levithan’s new book Two Boys Kissing. It is, obviously, a fast read, and one of the sweetest stories I have read in a long time. Not sweet in a saccharine way, but sweet in an achingly love-me/accept-me/born-this-way kind of way. The stories weave together beautifully, and the characters are portraits of common experiences. I loved it. Check it out!
Getting out of social media and digital connections. Watch this video for a poetic, rhyming reminder for the need to connect face-to-face, in-person with real people. It’s given me motivation to put myself out there recently, to say “yes” to social encounters that make me feel anxious. I can’t expect to make new connections without meeting people in person. I won’t know if I like someone or if they like me until we spend time together in person. I do think social media offers us a way to stay in touch with people we are not geographically close to, but when it becomes a voyeuristic black hole, I think it does start to damage our social and emotional worlds. Close your computer, leave your phone, and join the world again.
This post has been hugely popular lately: Stop Saying “I Have a Boyfriend” To Deflect Unwanted Attention. I think the author makes an excellent point. By using a male partner as an excuse for continuing a social interaction, we perpetuate an assumption that men speak for us, instead of us (women) speaking for us. Using the existence of a relationship seems a little different to me (Oh, I’m sorry but I’m married- instead of Sorry, I have a boyfriend), although it follows a similar path. I have shied away from using this excuse a number of times, for various reasons. Before J and I were open, I remember feeling uncomfortable using this line because I didn’t want someone to just stop talking to me because I had a boyfriend- I would still enjoy the social interaction, flirtation, or attention and didn’t want to someone to just stop interacting with me because I had a boyfriend. Since we have opened up, I have often opened up a complicated conversation by not simply saying “I have a boyfriend” or “I’m not interested,” because I like educating people on open relationships. The few times I have used the “I have a boyfriend” line I have felt cheap: I haven’t been honest about my situation and I haven’t done the open community any favors and I’ve given my agency away to a male partner/relationship as opposed to giving the honest “I’m not interested.” Complicated!
Poly Speed Dating in Portland!
“June 17: Poly Speed Dating!
Coming up in June: Portland’s very first inclusive, all-gender Poly Speed Dating night. It’s going to be awesome… please share with friends!
This is speed dating for nonomonogamous folks of all genders and sexualities, kinky and vanilla alike, ages 21+. We pair you up using a matchmaking system developed by relationship renegades in San Francisco. Couples and groups can date together or separately.
The event is Portland-based, but if you’re from Seattle or beyond and you are into meeting and dating people in the Portland/Vancouver area, please come on down!
Wondering if this is really for you? Have a look at the registration page: you can set your sights on half a dozen gender categories, and ask to meet kinky or non-kinky hotties, or both. Don’t love mingling? There’s an Introvert Corner to escape to during the breaks between dating rounds.
(We’re cooking up more special-interests events in the future. Sign up for email updates or send us your ideas at the website.)
Read more and REGISTER ONLINE at PolySpeedDatingPDX.com
We’re on Facebook too…
Share this event and invite your entire polycule:https://www.facebook.com/events/695557920483254/
Like our page and get nudged about future events:https://www.facebook.com/PolySpeedDatingPDX/”