Rx: Masturbation

This week has been rough!! Is there something in the water, in the air? Starting on Monday, I felt so tired, feeling like I was going to fall asleep at work. My eyes so heavy, feeling like I could cry at anything and everything if given the chance. My usual inner lightness I can feel, even in the midst of other inner turmoil, had disappeared. I thought I was going to lose it. I didn’t work out for two days because I felt so depressed and crushed and tired. And then last night, I was in bed for 10 1/2 hours. I feel much better today.

I also made a commitment three days ago to myself to masturbate EVERY DAY for the next week, at least. I realized that I haven’t been, and it’s largely due to my BDD. That fucking thing- it sometimes feels like it is destroying me, little by little. Really, it’s been this roller coaster since I started by therapy for it. Two steps forward, one step back, two steps forward, three steps back. Some weeks my symptoms feel greatly relieved, other weeks (like this one) they feel was bad as they ever were. But like my dear friend mentioned: this is disease maintenance. What is the healthiest and happiest I can be, managing this thing? Let’s get there.

Forcing myself to reconnect with my body, and look at it, while I am experiencing pleasure has been calming and helpful the past few days. All I need: a juicy imagination, my fingers, my Hitachi. It’s been a relieving few minutes each day.

How do you connect with yourself, emotionally, sexually, physically, and spiritually- especially when you feel like you’re going to lose it? Do you count masturbation as one of your tools?

Giorgione,_Sleeping_Venus

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