I stopped writing for a little bit, but I’m back now. I had an internally tumultuous couple of weeks, and the thought of sharing all of that felt far from helpful. Things are better now and I’m back online :)
J graduated from his work training program!
My little sister graduated from college!
We now have a bathroom mirror!
I make rockin’ kombucha!
We’re having a party with all of our friends soon!
I had pizza last night!
We are getting so close to ripping up the disgusting carpets!
Sex and relationship highlights:
J and I had yummy, rough sex this past weekend. Throat, tit, leg- all roughly handled. Dirty talk. Delicious.
The anxiety and uncertainty related to relationships that had been building for the past couple of months has faded away over the past week or so. I’m not sure what or how- but it has largely melted away. J and I have had some clear conversations about my anxiety and about where we’re both at, and I feel at ease and happy with everything.
I’m reading Franklin Veaux’s book, “More Than Two” and it’s really great. At times I have felt on edge and defensive reading it, because I have oftentimes felt like a shitty poly person. Other times, I have felt secure and excited reading it. But there are many gems within it, and I look forward to writing a more full review soon.
The relationship I have to myself is coming into clearer focus. I articulated today, talking with my counselor, that the vast majority of the insecurity I have felt before in my relationship with J is due to the insecurity I feel with myself. And the vast majority of the insecurity I feel with myself is BDD related. So I am fucking excited to get my BDD even more under control.
My commitment to masturbation helped me immensely last week. Keep masturbating, yo!
J and I are going to a poly speed dating event tomorrow. I’ll report back.
How is your June going? Has anyone else had a noticeable shift in mood and attitude over the past week?