Monthly Archives: July 2014

Twitterpated

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I asked J one day last week: “Have you ever experienced new relationship energy with two people at the same time?” I was trying to wrack my brain for past experiences that fit this idea. “I don’t think so,” he replied. I know that for myself, when I am really into someone, that energy and high and walking-on-clouds feeling permeates my life; it can permeate my other relationships, too, and infuse those relationships with more bounciness and happiness. But experiencing NRE with multiple people at the same time? I don’t think that has ever happened for me.

And can it? I don’t know. It seems like, from my experience, the tunnel vision for one person is part of what makes NRE, NRE: you only have eyes for that one person. Within poly relationships, this gets tricky since it requires the twitterpated person to be very mindful and conscious of how they are interacting with existing partners. There is a ton out there on not letting NRE completely cloud out one’s existing relationships, not making major decisions until the NRE has dissipated quite a bit, and how to interact with a partner experiencing NRE with someone else. It takes conscientiousness, grace, flexibility, and deep trust. With monogamous relationships, this is far less of a concern. NRE encourages exclusive behavior, and while friends and family may not enjoy being left for a new-found love temporarily, I think in general this kind of behavior pattern is expected.

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I brought this question to my women’s group this past week as well, and I heard from a couple of people that they have in fact experienced NRE with different people at the same time. And that they think it takes particular conscientiousness on the part of the twitterpated person to stay attuned to existing relationships, including new ones in which they are experiencing NRE.

How about you? Have you experienced NRE for different people at the same time? Does NRE for one person spill over and help fuel NRE for another? How do you ensure that you continue to give time and attention to your existing relationships?

 

Bare MFM

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We climb into bed, the three of us. This has happened before, a number of times. We have a routine, and I am pretty sure we all enjoy it. I know I do.

You start massaging my tits and stomach and thighs, slowly working your way toward my pussy. You kiss my neck passionately, making me shiver literally from my little toes up to the crown of my head. It’s about as good as an orgasm. Waves of shivers pass over my skin. I moan. I want.

And you are laying on the other side of me. I lean over and we kiss, tenderly at first and then it becomes more rough. You grab my neck, making me gasp in surprise and ecstasy.

I have two hands, and two cocks to rub. I take hold of each, stroking, feeling both grow larger and larger in my hands, throbbing. Waiting for my pussy. This warm-up is standard, and it turns me on like crazy every time. I want both at the same time for a long time.

I go down on one of you until you can’t take it anymore. You get behind me in doggy style while I go down on you, the other wonderful you. The pounding makes me yell and scream, so much so I can barely continue my blow job. You love watching my face, and you pull my hair and grab my throat.

You are slamming me harder and harder, and it feels so fucking good. Your bare cock inside me. I want your come, I yell. Fill me up. And you do.

I catch my breath, and get on top of you. I love having two loads inside, and I intend to get that. I’m riding you harder and harder, faster and faster. You’re squeezing my tits, breathing harder and harder. I tell you, I want your come, give it to me. And you do.

And sometimes, I’m on top of you and my other you gets behind so I have both cocks at once inside me. The fullness and taboo and raunchiness of this position makes me come. Both bare cocks sliding inside, both loads of come making me moan from pleasure.

Always, I want it again.

Nonmonogamy research, gender, self care, and HIV

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Links to share:

This is a pretty fascinating summary of research done on the perception of different types of nonmonogamy; spoiler alert, poly folks were perceived to be more moral while swingers were perceived to be more adventurous.

A pretty awesome piece written on the lessons to be gained from dating someone in an open relationship

A fun compilation of vagina facts

Ginny on using language to be more gender-inclusive

The Gottman blog on self care, autonomy, closeness, and relationship interdependence

Interesting ideas on why childfree couples seem to cheat less than their counterparts with children

I love this infographic from The Lancet on HIV and sex workers:

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Chocolate Fudge Gelato

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I ate a bunch of this delicious stuff, and I realize that my life feels like chocolate fudge gelato lately: creamy, rich, sweet but not too sweet, filling, complex… a complete burst of flavor!

Our trip to CA last week was more fun than I was expecting, and pretty rejuvenating. It was amazing to get so much heat and sun… and while I didn’t get to see my beautiful CA girlfriend as much as either of us wanted or expected, it was still an amazing time together. 😉

I am in the running to take my supervisor’s job when she leaves in about a month… craziness! Who would have thought? I am excited to see where this may go and open to the possibilities. More variety, more responsibility, management experience, budgeting experience, more pay… all of this has me happy and excited.

I tore up the carpet in our living room over the weekend, and it was a definite “fuck yeah” moment. I felt so cool ripping up stuff with my hands and tearing it out! And the room just looks and feels so much better without that super old, dusty carpet. The wood floors underneath were painted white at some point, but I don’t even care. It looks better, and is going to look even better once they’re sanded and sealed.

Before chocolate gelato yesterday, the day consisted of sleeping in (until TEN!!), a quick workout, the beach for four hours, and dinner to a super tasty Indian restaurant. It was a lovely week and weekend. I hope you all have had just as rich and delicious lives as well.

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Change is Constant

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My reflection for today is on the constant change we encounter: within ourselves, within relationships with others, with life circumstances. Our bodies are always changing and different. The way we narrate our lives, our past stories, our understanding of the world, our ideas about the future- they are always changing. Here are some quote that I found that most inspired me:

Somehow, in the process of trying to deny that things are always changing, we lose our sense of the sacredness of life. We tend to forget that we are part of the natural scheme of things. – Pema Chodron

Life is expressed in a perpetual sequence of changes. The birth of the child is the death of the baby, just as the birth of the adolescent is the death of the child. – Arnaud Desjardins

The most precious gift we can offer others is our presence. When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers. – Thich Nhat Hanh

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Patronage & Empowerment

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Two pieces I recommend this week related to sex work:

‘Insatiable’: One Woman’s Love Affair With The Porn Industry

and

Erica’s latest awesome comic on being a good strip club patron

Thursday night I worked (danced) and it was a rough time for me! I was so tired at 12:30am- and still had at least an hour and a half to go. It didn’t help that a group of guys came in who barely gave me any energy or money; it wasn’t enough to go off of and forget that I was as sleepy as I was. And yet, I kept smiling and laughing to myself: I’m so tired, I have to get up in seven hours for my other job, these guys are boring and making me even more tired. Why am I doing this? And the answer kept coming back: because I love this job. I love performing, I love getting naked, I love making awesome money doing it (ha, not from those particular guys, but in general).

One unexpected interaction I had was with a young guy (just turned 21) who moved out here not that long ago from Florida… because his ex stabbed him. He disclosed this only after I told him what I do for my day job. “I guess you could call me a victim of domestic violence,” he said. He cried. “The cops just laughed at me.” It’s not your fault. Thank you for telling me. That’s fucked up. I’m so sorry that happened. You deserve to be in a healthy relationship. There are some certain interactions I can count on working in a strip club, and even though I don’t count on interactions like this one, I am thankful I have the ability to navigate them.

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Sexual Agreements

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A good friend sent me a book about a month ago, and I’m almost done with it: Sexual Agreements by Amara Charles. (I haven’t found it online, which is why there isn’t a link to it). However, Amara’s website is here.

I’ll post a full review once I’m done reading it (probably next Friday), but here are my initial impressions and responses to the book:

-I appreciate her unwavering focus on honesty, emotional boundaries, communication skills, and self awareness. All of these are essential in having positive conversations about sexual needs, desires, and preferences.

-I also appreciate that her book seems to be built on the idea that two people in a relationship deserve to be sexually compatible, and thus deserve to have honest conversations with each other about their sexual identities.

-She has really particular ideas about what open relationships are, and even mentions at what point that “there isn’t a word to describe being involved with more than one person” (something along those lines)…. I’m pretty sure that there are dozens of words to describe those different kinds of relationships. So far, I have only seen her reference or discuss open relationships that are built on a primary dyad in which each person only has casual sex with other people.

-She offers excellent questions for self reflection and reflection with a partner surrounding comfort levels, jealousy, and what kinds of agreements make sense for you.

Next week I would like to offer my favorite passages with further thoughts. 🙂 Let me know if you have read it, or her other book The Sexual Practices of Quodoushka, and what your thoughts are!

Happy Friday!