Breaking Silence

…hello?

I keep paying for my domain name. I love my blog. I love this pile of online writing as a testament to the growth and change I have gone through in the last six years. I can’t let it go.

I think about blogging often. Things are different now and I got out of the blogging habit. But I love writing and sharing, so here I am.

Things I have been grappling with:

The ebb and flow of long term relationships. What happens to sex in long term relationships? What’s normal and what’s not? What happens when all of a sudden you and your long term partner want different things in an aspect of your shared lives (like, moving to a different place)? Is it possible to make yourself want something even if all signs say that you don’t want that thing?

How does one truly balance and honor a long term relationship and partner with a new relationship and partner, especially when those people have different needs around information sharing and disclosure? How do I speak up about what I want and need, especially when those wants and needs are in conflict with my partners’ wants and needs? How do I balance my truth with easing a new partner into the poly world?

How do I find answers for myself around past trauma? Am I the only one that gets to define its meaning and impact? How do my partners influence my experience of triggers and flooding? How do I continue to move with my past trauma, and find new directions past it?

How long will I keep dancing? What does stripping mean to me? What does it do for me? Does it need to do anything for me besides provide me with some income?

Don’t all of these questions sound familiar? I’m pretty sure I have asked all of them on this blog in the past several years. Much of the context and content has changed, but many questions remain constant.

Present happiness has come from:

Continuing to find joy in my relationship with J, and enjoying his presence and my partnership with him.

Finding inspiration and passion in a new relationship.

Deepening friendships with other important people in my life.

Teaching human sexuality, and continuing to absolutely love it.

Providing brief therapy to students, and absolutely loving that, too.

My life continues to be fed by constant questioning and curiosity. I continue to be surrounded by love and warmth, and I feel especially grateful for that given the political hell hole our world is in.

Peace be with you all.

3 thoughts on “Breaking Silence

  1. I too was delighted to know you are still part of our community and thriving, despite the challenges you mentioned. Where and when are you currently dancing?

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