Politics of Respectability

Posted on May 29, 2014 by Katie B

About the politics of respectability, and how having an education and other successes in life clouds our other, more taboo, experiences, despite their worthiness and depth in our lives:

The Erasure of Maya Angelou’s Sex Work History

Or, how the politics of respectability makes our collective experiences look crazy, strange, or shameful:

Stripper with a PhD

The politics of respectability are those that I have tried countless times to discuss on here in relation to my own struggle as both a lover of school and education and desire to work in the mainstream, and a lover of the strip club stage. How can I be both? Perhaps I am neither? Am I a feminist? Or not? Perhaps both? Am I a slut? How complex can I be and still be accepted? How complex can I be and still love myself? Can I respect myself and be everything that I am? Will others respect be despite, and hopefully because of, everything I am?

Polyamory Interview

Posted on May 10, 2014 by Katie B

Polyamory Research Flyer

I recently did an interview with Aubrey and it was really fun! If you fit her criteria (live in Portland, 18-29 years old, identify as nonmonogamous or polyamorous) definitely consider participating. She is especially needing some men-identified folks. It’s a confidential interview- while you print and sign the informed consent with your real name, you get to choose a fake name to use for the interview and the two are not connected.

The questions were comprehensive: demographics, sexual/gender/relationship identity, and community identification. I even got to draw my very own polycule and talk about the significant relationship dynamics that I have experienced. It was really gratifying to contribute to the body of ethically nonmonogamous/polyamorous knowledge and satisfying to talk about my experiences.

Thanks for including me Aubrey! Can’t wait to read your final product :)

“Prostituted Women”

Posted on May 8, 2014 by Katie B

I went to a networking breakfast this morning for work- the presenter was from a local group that does addictions treatment for women who “are in the life,” ie, engage in prostitution. It was what I expected: more on the anti-sex trafficking aisle (why there are aisles to begin with irritates me) and the language was totally othering: “those people,” “these women,” “prosituted women,” etc. I tried to go in with an open mind, but I felt pretty disengaged from how this person and agency approaches sex workers (many of their clients are court-mandated to go once they have been arrested for prostitution- yuck). She also made a comment that when she drives down 82nd she tries not to look at the women working on the streets- for fear of what?? I was dumbfounded and slightly disgusted.

Some positives from the event:

I got to meet a social worker from another DV agency who shared similar thoughts as me, and is also attending the MSW program I will be. That was an encouraging connection to make.

The woman presenting did give some allowances for the fact that she works with a very particular population of sex workers.

I shared information about our local sex workers outreach coalition and our approach to working with sex workers.

It’s unfortunate to me that the anti-sex trafficking organizations and the sex worker rights organizations have such a hard time working together, but after this event I have a clearer understanding of why. I do wish that we could all agree that we want workers to be safe, and that some workers need resources and support leaving the industry while other need resources and support staying in the industry. Trafficking is different from working, and I wish that everyone agreed on that ;) I think it comes down to ideological differences within the feminist and anti-violence movements. Some people see participation in sex work at all as perpetuating gender-based violence, while others (like myself) see participation in sex work as more complicated than that- trafficking violates human rights in a major way, but choosing to participate in sex work is something different. That, too, can be flavored by unfortunate circumstances: “choosing” between prostitution and McDonald’s is not an ideal choice, and it’s not like my choice between stripping and child care at a gym. To “choose” prostitution to care for a partner or family isn’t like my choice to strip to support myself. But I still think that kind of work is different than being forced into sex work (ie, being trafficked). It’s a contentious issue, but I wish we could still all work together more effectively.

It’s also timely that this piece at Tits and Sass was published yesterday by a local dancer. I really appreciate the complexity and nuance Red discusses, and she does it well: Love and Frosting: A Conversation with Portland’s Cupcake Girls

Social Work, Sex Work, Students

Posted on April 20, 2014 by Katie B

It’s been simmering in my head for a little over a week now:

I got into my MSW program!

I feel relieved, tired, and gritty thinking about it. More school. And this time, part time school with full time work- something I’ve never done before. But this is important to me, and I feel like my life keeps pushing me toward this experience.

I posted a link last week to Tits and Sass piece on social workers who work with students sex workers, and this week I want to post a link to a Huffington Post interview that was done with the woman who works as the sex worker advocate at the Women’s Resource Center at Portland State (where I’ll be going for my MSW), and with two anonymous student sex workers. I haven’t even had the chance to watch the full thing, but it was encouraging to know that the interviewer asked the workers what their ideal questions would be- at least we had a chance to set the tone for the interview. (I wanted to participate but had to work- darn it!)

On Campus: Life as a College Sex Worker

(Try not to read the asinine comments. Or if you do, leave something intelligible to counter them! Ha)

I am encouraged and heartened about the culture of PSU’s MSW program: there is a sex worker advocate in the WRC, a few fairly out sex workers in the program, and at least one professor who has been supportive of student sex workers. I don’t know for sure if I’ll be coming out or not in the program, but at least it feels like a safe possibility.

Patting myself on the back. Now time for sleep so I can do this 9-5 thang.

Working with Student Sex Workers

Posted on April 11, 2014 by Katie B

I can’t wait to see the roundtable I participated in on being a sex worker and going into counseling or social as a profession, but in the meantime, Tits and Sass published this lovely interview with two social workers who work with sex workers: Discussing Other People’s Lives: Social Work & Student Sex Workers

Quotes of note:

“ Programs like Project Rose send the message that you can only be a social worker if you are a) not a sex worker and b) see sex workers as people that need to be rescued.”

“In social work right now and in dominant white feminism, we need to be really critical about how we think and talk about this issues, and how our ethnocentrism impacts how we think people “should” live their lives. I am deeply troubled with the way that we are discussing other peoples’ lives over and over again in these conversations.”

“A really dangerous liaison is happening between evangelical trafficking organization and “radical feminists” and social work organizations. There is a history of this, it’s not new. It’s my opinion that in social work there isn’t a critical eye being turned to this work because we are so deeply uncomfortable with sex work and social workers are so deeply invested in their identities as “helpers” and “saviors.” Annie and I present to lots of different audiences and recently I heard some feedback that there was the impression we were “encouraging” students to enter the sex industry, simply because we did not “condemn” the existence of the trades. Moving away from theoretical conversations about “empowerment” and victim/agent dichotomies makes people deeply uncomfortable because you aren’t making an assessment about if you think the sex trades are “right” or “wrong”.”

PS: This interview makes me so much more excited about my potential MSW program since these women work at the school I applied to :)

LGBTQ Conference & Whores

Posted on March 31, 2014 by Katie B

A few days ago I had the opportunity to go to a conference for work all about providing competent and effective care for the LGBTQ community. It was really rad; I wanted to go last year and it just didn’t happen. But this year my work paid for me to go, so boo-ya!

My favorite professor from my MPH program happened to be presenting one of the workshops on representing trans* folks in a just and fair way in research and clinical practice (meaning, asking appropriate questions in surveys and on intake forms to effectively and justly represent the trans* community). I knew that I was going to end up talking to her about my the stripping/school debacle, and I especially knew it when she started about sex workers during her workshop. In fact, she referred to “whores” during her presentation, and then I really knew I was going to have an honest conversation with her (I trusted her to be using the word whore appropriately). Another attendee raised his hand:

“I noticed you used the word ‘whore.’ I’m used to saying ‘sex worker.’ Is it okay to use the word ‘whore’?”

“Well I use it because that’s what a group of my friends who are/were whores used to refer to themselves and the labor they did.”

She made a good point about the word “whore” being another reclaimed word (much like queer and dyke), and that some workers may prefer it while others may prefer something else. In terms of being “of” the community versus not being part of the community and using the word, it seems really important to ask those you are referring to what their preference is. Words like whore and queer and dyke can sound nice or hurtful depending on the context- while they may be used affectionately among people within the community and even with those who know them well, they can still be used as insults and threats. Play it safe and ask before using words and labels that have a complex history.

I did end up talking to my professor, and she gave me more support and “Fuck those people,” “You’re too good for that bullshit,” and “Stay strong” conversation. It felt really affirming to have further support from an academic- especially as she is the first academic I have talked to since the ordeal in December.

The rest of my day was pretty good. Here are some highlights:

-Being in a conference all day with a bunch of queer people was awesome. While the conference was for providers of all orientations who work with the queer community, there were a ton of queer providers in the room. And I was overwhelmed by all of the hot queer women!

running-eagle-falls -The lunch keynote was by a Native American man who works with the Two Spirit communities in Montana and also does HIV prevention and education on the reservations. It was really cool. I also learned that Running Eagle, for whom a water feature is named in Glacier National Park, was Two Spirit.

-My second workshop was supposed to be on navigating sexual health conversations with LGBTQ youth. I was super excited for this one, and it wasn’t very good. We talked about microaggressions and multigenerational trauma and how those things prevent youth from accessing the sexual health care they need. Unfortunately we barely scratched the surface and it wasn’t as meaty as I was hoping.

-My last workshop was on trauma and addiction, and I loved it. I love the physiology of trauma and oppression. Did you know that your hippocampus, which regulates memory formation and storage and your flight/fight/freeze response, shrinks when it you are discriminated against or oppressed or traumatized? Chronically high cortisol (stress hormone) damages your hippocampus. So interesting! The presenter referred to it as “oppression illness.” flat,550x550,075,f Luckily, you can repair past damage through psychotherapy, exercise, and certain medications and plants. There has also been a paradigm shift in treating addictions. The past approach was: “Addiction is something people do to feel good and be hedonistic. Just stop!” The current approach is: “Addiction is something people do to feel normal and like everyone else.”

-The closing keynote was fairly horrid. The speaker was some public health bigwig who does work around tobacco prevention in the LGBTQ community, and ended up coming out as trans*. But the identity is not some excuse for being arrogant and making tasteless, offensive jokes. I was offended through the whole thing and left ten minutes early.

All in all, it was a good day. And I got paid to go, so it was even better! :)

Daydreams

Posted on March 21, 2014 by Katie B

There was a great piece in my “Psychology Today” about daydreaming and fantasies, and how our daydreams are a strong force in shaping our goals and future. Past research suggested that people, children and adults alike, who daydream are distracted or lazy or have their heads in the clouds. More current research suggests the opposite: that folks who daydream have a rich inner voice to guide them through life, and that daydreaming is anything but a waste of time. (Whew!)

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What are your current daydreams and fantasies and how are they shaping your life?

Here are mine:

-What to do with this house J and I bought. Short-term plans include re-painting the whole inside and refinishing the original hardwood floors. Longer-term plans include renovating the tiny bathroom and finishing the basement. What should the basement be? A pole studio? A sexy cave? A bedroom and living area? All of the above? I want to landscape the backyard- I’m so excited about sunbathing nude this summer!

-I want to start brewing my own kombucha! How Portland is that?! I keep thinking about getting the stuff I need to make it happen- mostly just some glass jars. And the infamous Mother (SCOBY) to start the brew.

-Where I am going to go from this job I’m in now. It’s a great launching pad so I’m excited about where I’ll launch myself to. I have dreams of having my own nonprofit that does counseling, workshops, support groups, and education around sexuality. Will I get into my MSW program? What will that be like?

-I love stripping now that my time is so crunched I can’t do it very often anymore. I daydream about dancing and when I can go work at the club next. I think about other kinds of sex work and sex worker advocacy and creating a support group for sex workers in the area.

-Who are the people I will meet this year? What new relationships and connections will I make?

Happy Weekend to All!

Sex Workers, the Internet, & Stigma

Posted on March 5, 2014 by Katie B

Last night I had the pleasure of being interviewed by Emily Kennedy, a sociology PhD student studying the role of the Internet in shaping the ways in which we view sex work and sex workers. It was a fantastic experience- one of the highlights was when I started talking about my experience with withdrawing from my counseling program and she jumped in her seat: “That’s you?! I saw that post on Tumblr!! I can’t believe you’re part of my interview sample!” She was so excited, and I loved that she had seen the HoP post. We talked about how Internet use has helped me attract customers, how I have communicated with regulars, how I got started stripping and why, who I have disclosed my experiences to and why, if I have had any negative experiences with school or law enforcement or other people in my life, and whether I think there has been a shift in general attitude toward sex work in the past 10-20 years. It was really fun to talk about all of that with a sociology student who herself has direct experience with sex work and also has a deep curiosity for how sex work is viewed and treated culturally in our country.

My interview came after an interesting afternoon at work, something I am still somewhat processing. I met with a coworker to discuss planning a financial planning workshop for sex workers in the area, and after about 20 minutes of me offering a lot of information without much clarity of source, she asked me:

So… how did you get involved in this work?

I stumbled for a minute, and probably looked a bit uncomfortable. Ummm…

You don’t have to tell me at all! It’s okay.

No, I’ve been struggling with this. And so I guess I’ll just tell you, and you (as I nodded to the coworker who I share an office with). I’ve actually been a stripper, so that’s how I got really interested in sex workers rights and advocacy.

Well that is so cool! You have a lot of insight then and probably a better ability to reach this population. What an asset. How great!

After I told my two coworkers I started doubting myself- was that a smart decision? Why can’t I just keep my mouth shut? What is wrong with me? So many people don’t talk about their personal lives at work- why do I have this compulsive need to be out everywhere?

I remember Louisa Leontiades telling me in a Skype chat once:

It’s addicting to be yourself.

It’s so true. Once you have felt what it’s like to be yourself, totally and completely, without shame and without regard for what others think, it’s hard to go back. It’s hard to stuff pieces of yourself away, for fear of retaliation or judgement.

I had a longer conversation with my officemate after the other person left, and she understood completely my need for discretion and to continue to feel out the culture of our program and the attitude of other coworkers. I trust her and I don’t worry about her telling anyone or gossiping about it. Then later, I emailed my other coworker and thanked her for her understanding and respect and discretion. And she replied with more kindness and a confirmation that she adheres to the Vegas rule- whatever was said in our office, stays in our office.

I need to trust my intuition about people- my coworkers felt like safe and supportive people to disclose to, and they are. While I have largely had good experiences coming out as a stripper, I also have enough experience from my school snafu to know that not everyone sees my stripping experience as an empowering, rich, and positive perspective. So taking it slow in my new work environment in disclosing feels like a good path to take. I am also feeling more “all here,” which is freeing and grounding at the same time.

One of the last questions that Emily asked me last night was: You’re only 25, but how do you think general attitudes toward sex work has changed in the past 20 years?

To which I replied:

Well, I was only 5 20 years ago, but I know from the time I was in high school to now, I personally have undergone a massive shift in how I view sex work. I used to have my mom’s attitude toward sex work- that it is objectifying, degrading, and hurts all women and people. I carried that through college, and it wasn’t until my partner and I opened up that I had a catalyst to unpack my views surrounding sexuality and sex work. I have noticed that a lot of other women in my age cohort have gone through similar transformations with how they view sexuality and sex work, although they have had different catalysts than me. It gives me hope!

She laughed and agreed.

sexualityreclaimed

Relationships, Love, & Sex

Category Archives: Education

Polyamory Interview

Social Work, Sex Work, Students

Working with Student Sex Workers

LGBTQ Conference & Whores

Daydreams

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