Category Archives: Sex Toys

Sex With Google Glass

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J found this the other day and passed it on to me: Sex with Glass. It’s one tech company’s innovative contribution to a possible use of the new Google Glasses technology.

sexwithglass

At first, the proposal struck me funny. Of course there was someone out there who would pair these two together. It was a matter of time. And it still strikes me as lighthearted, but there are also other issues and questions that have been percolating for me.

-Would this allow a couple to re-experience each other? Could it add some excitement and adventure to a long-term relationship?

-What degree of self-confidence would these require? Could you experience any insecurity or self-consciousness at all?

-Is being an exhibitionist or voyeur a prerequisite to having a fun time with these?

-How is this similar to the thrill people get (myself included) from watching themselves have sex in a mirror or played back from a video recording?

-Would using this technology heighten the experience of melting into another person, since now you are able to literally see what they see? Or would it backfire because you can remove yourself from your own senses?

-Similarly, what would this technology do to our sense of separateness and togetherness within an intimate relationship?

And the all-important question:

-Who would, or want to, wear these glasses during sex?

What do you think? Fabulous new sex toy? Another creeping technological distraction, pulling us away from truly connecting? Both? Neither?

Bringing a Vibrator to Class

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I walked into our grad lounge, and a few of my classmates were sitting at a table.

“Do you have your white elephant gift?” one asked me.

I started to laugh. “Yeah, but I’m a little nervous that it might be inappropriate.” We all started to laugh.

“Well, as long it’s not a dildo! Cause, I mean, that would be bad…” another laughed.

I paused and looked at the other two.

“That’s what you brought!!” laughed the first.

Haha, yep.

J and I got a free vibrator with my collar and nipple clamps, and I certainly hadn’t used it. It was just sitting on our bookshelf next to our toy box. It needed a good home.

Funny part, too, was I put it in a mug I had painted myself at one of those DIY ceramics painting places and stuffed around the vibrator with Halloween candy. It was pretty awesome.

I kept repeating that the vibrator was unused and the mug was hand-painted, and people kept hearing that the vibrator was hand-painted. Uh, NO. Ha!

How many looks I got and the amount of laughter in the classroom was evident that I brought something pretty rich. Sex is taboo, self-pleasure is taboo. Thus, sex toys are funny.

The classmate of mine who had joked earlier that bringing a dildo perhaps would be inappropriate was the first to take it during the exchange. Perfect! It was later stolen by a classmate sitting next to me. “Tonight’s going to be a good night,” he told me. “You better let me know how that goes” I responded, laughing.

Our teacher did commend me on pushing the boundaries of my classmates’ comfort levels.

My classmate sitting next to me said something like, “Well if I knew we could bring vibrators into the therapy room, I’m all of a sudden a lot more excited to be doing all of this.”

Haha, me too. Me too.

slim vibe

New Favorite Toys

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J and I recently welcomed two new additions to our sex toy box:

My first nipple clamps (Bound to Please Plier Nipple Clamps from Good Vibes)

and

My first collar (Clover Rhinestone Black Leather Collar from Good Vibes)

[We enjoy supporting our local sex toy shops, but an amazing friend gave us a gift card to Good Vibes for our wedding, so we had to take advantage of that!!]

Both additions are extraordinarily hot!

My nipples are typically really sensitive, and while I enjoy my tits squeezed super hard, I shy away from any kind of sensation on my nipples. So I surprised myself in suggesting we get some nipple clamps. These clamps are great though, because you can choose a very low amount of pressure. I enjoyed them for just an extra amount of pressure and sensation, and I totally loved how they looked and felt against my stomach.

My collar is amazing. It is *just* what we were looking for: sparkly, sexy, submissive. It totally adds to the D/s component of our sex life when we want to play with that.

On my wish list:

A flogger.

When J and I were at the Velvet Rope’s grand reopening party a while back, I got flogged by a drag queen (that was awesome- I blogged about it here). Ever since, I have been wanting to buy a flogger, but gosh darn, they can be so expensive!! This one at SheBop looks like a possible option :)

Any new favorite sex toys of yours?

HUMP! 2013

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My life is complete! For now! Because we have now been to HUMP! 2013! :D

Here is/was the line-up (the festival is in Portland next weekend):

hump lineup 2013

My favorites/points of interest/etc.:

-I voted The Legend of Gabe Harding as Best Humor (J voted this way as well). I love that it featured male porn stars’ performance issues remedied via a male fluffer. Other favorite “humor” pieces included Mouthpiece, Japanese Catholic Lesbian School Girls in Love, and Raiders of the Lost Arse.

-I voted His as Best Kink. It was fucking spectacular. One, I absolutely adore “Crave You” (Adventure Club remix, obvs); the movement in the piece was beautifully synchronized with the song. Two, rope = sexy. Three, the D/S component to the relationship was represented gorgeously. I can’t say enough lovey things about this one. It gave me shivers. Second runner-up for Best Kink was Fun With Fire. Both J and I enjoyed this one because it showed the real interactions between the couple, including shock, laughter, hesitance, trust, and comfort. It was also pretty great. J voted for Fun With Fire as Best Kink.

-For Best Sex, I voted Sex House. I loved the raunchy, sweaty, drug-filled atmosphere and the desirous, hot sex between the two lesbian couples. Surprising to J and our sexy friends, I also loved Daddy’s Dolls. I thought the lead person was hot as fuck, and the sensuality radiating between her (using female pronouns because I don’t know what is most appropriate) and the other person was super hot for me to watch. I almost voted Ouroboros as Best Sex, but then decided to vote it as Best in Show; J did vote Ouroboros for Best Sex.

-Best in Show: Ouroboros. It was such a well-done piece. After showing the sex scene between two gay men, the film rewinds scene by scene, back to the hallway and the club and the drinking and the dancing and finally back to a scene of one of the men laying down to masturbate to porn featuring him and the man we see him with at the beginning of the film (a little confusing to relate via text, but it was breathtaking).

[Consider the definition of Ouroboros, in case you weren't aware (from Wikipedia):

"The Ouroboros or Uroboros is an ancient symbol depicting a serpent or dragon eating its own tail. The Ouroboros often symbolize self-reflexivity or cyclicality, especially in the sense of something constantly re-creating itself, the eternal return, and other things such as the phoenix which operate in cycles that begin anew as soon as they end. It can also represent the idea of primordial unity related to something existing in or persisting from the beginning with such force or qualities it cannot be extinguished."

Love it!]

J voted for Raiders of the Lost Arse as Best in Show- he thought it was really clever because of all of the movie and copyright references it made.

Other pieces that are so noteworthy but just didn’t make it into my voting:

-Fuck: Also phenomenal. Slam poetry about fucking narrates over gorgeous images of Black women in the nude. I loved the representation of women of color and the representation of fat women. And, the slam poetry itself was powerful.

-Art Primo: I loved the sensual and slow nature of this one. It reminded me of ArtPorn- the stylized nature reminded me of boudoir photos.

-Inspired Surreality: Yay! We totes know these rockin’, smokin’ porn stars! Well done, you two! Super sexy.

This year’s bonus props were bowling balls, butt plugs, and Hillary Clinton, so there were quite a few pieces with those props. Other common themes: come shots (soooo many come shots this year). And there were two pieces that featured instruments (Mouthpiece and Beethoven’s Stiff). There was also quite a bit of both gay and lesbian sex. And, I was impressed and happy to see the number of pieces that showed condom use.

Yay HUMP! We even got Dan Savage as our MC and I EVEN bought myself a HUMP! shirt. Because I am cool like that ;)

Jacuzzi Tub: Where It’s At

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I don’t know if I have used a jacuzzi tub before, and if I have, I certainly had never used one like I used one tonight.

J and I had showered together, and it was pretty routine: share the water, shampoo, soap, scrub, wash face, rinse, smack each other’s asses, kiss a little. And then the chemistry that I feel with him came rushing over me, the burning want-you sensation in my abdomen and pussy.We started making out more and more. I knelt down, started sucking his cock, taking him in deeper and deeper into my mouth. We switched positions, and my pussy has never felt so good. I half-pulled him back up and turned around, guiding his cock into my aching pussy. He pounded me, coming closer and closer to coming. Every so often he would pull out and rub my clit so I come come, melting with the hot water.

gustav-klimt-water-serpents-2

He left for a moment to grab a cock sheath, and we started filling up the tub. My heart was pounding, my pussy aching for more. Sometimes it takes a lot of warm-up in order for me to take a cock sheath, but not so much tonight. I wanted it. After J slid his sheath on, we resumed our standing doggy style position, and he pounded me harder, faster, harder.

I had J sit on the edge of the tub so I could slide down onto his cock riding him hard, up and down, back and forth. We made out, he slapped my ass, pulled my hair.

Then, the part that made me hottest: J sat in the tub, and I got on top of him. The buoyancy of the water, the jets and bubbles: they were all too much for me to handle. J’s cock and the sheath were making my pussy wetter and wetter, pulsating more and more with every motion I exerted. Before long I was rubbing my clit furiously, coming harder and harder, shuddering with the desire for this man I love and want.

I wanted J’s come inside me, to fill me up. I whispered dirty things to him, fantasies of ours we share, and I told him what I wanted him to do to me. We even role played a little, the first time ever.

Thank you Seattle, for a fabulous vacation. Thank you jacuzzi tub, for making my hot sex even hotter.

The Incredible Hunk

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J and I finally played with our newest toy last night. Yes, it really is called The Incredible Hunk. I liked it! And was able to use more of it than I thought! The feeling is similar to fisting or DVP- really full. It’s made of silicone and has really nice ridges and texture, and so has an amazing feel. I recommend!! :D

I’ve got to admit: I’m just as taken with the marketing. It cracks me up! “A NEW league of HEROES has arrived just in time to SAVE you from BORING bedroom play!” Haha! (*easily amused*)

Swingers Club, Heteronormativity, & Couple Privilege… and DVP

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J and I had a fabulous time at our swingers’ club last night (hooray for Hump Day!)

But, almost every time we’re there I become at least mildly irritated by displays of heternormativity. And now I can include becoming annoyed by the system of couple privilege at play. 

Last night, one of our closest friends met us there (it was his “singles” night and his wife, another super close and awesome friend of ours, was at home with their baby). It was really fun to hang out together, but I was completely flabbergasted when the staff came into the Couples Lounge to tell us that the three of us could not be in there together. Typically, only hetero couples and single women are allowed in the Couples Lounge, and it didn’t cross my mind that having another guy with J and I would be a problem. It was a dual heteronormativity/couple privilege situation, and it really did leave my mind blown. The staff member who told us to leave said that having another guy with us was only allowed on their themed “Bi Night”- wtf? It’s always “bi night” there if you are a woman, but apparently men only get one night a month, and on that special night (whoopdedoo) if you are a man and don’t have a woman half, you are allowed into the Couples Lounge. Big deal. And- this idea assumes that men who want to go into the Couples Lounge are bi to begin with (and I still can’t figure out why the Couples Lounge is the place where you would extend monthly privileges to bi men, instead of it always being a welcoming space). Last night, it was a situation of three people who simply wanted to be around each other in one of the club spaces. And what about people in poly configurations, like triads? Can they not then enjoy the Couples Lounge? Perhaps they could get in without notice if they were a man-woman-woman triad, but a man-man-woman triad would, based on our experience last night, would run into some difficulties. That’s an issue.

Now that I have gotten my little rantiness out of the way, I have to say that I checked another super fun and exploratory thing off my sexy list- DVP! (double vaginal penetration).

I. loved. it.

Big surprise, haha! Given my love of multiple cocks, I had a feeling that I would dig it, and I did. And, it was surprisingly easy, logistically. I was riding our friend, and J came behind me in doggy style position. I think my pussy has perhaps gotten used to fairly wide insertions, with all of the play J and I do with his cock sheaths. It felt amazingly good!!! After J came, it was so hot to have J’s come sliding around another cock inside me. Mmm, delicious.

Recent Tools for Self-Growth

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Here are some tools and toys that have been especially inspiring to me in the past week :)

The Enneagram: I just love this thing. J took the quiz in college and had to write a paper on his personality type and also had the opportunity to discuss my type in relation to his. It was enlightening then, and even more enlightening for me now. For example, my type (Type 2) goes toward Type 4 during integration and growth, becoming more independent and creative. That process typifies my whole past year since being out of school, being back in counseling, stripping, figuring more out about myself, and engaging in things that I want to do. Cool! I have loved having other friends and family take the test so we can talk about our similarities and differences, too, and how our types work with and (sometimes) against one another.

Feel the Fear… and Then Do It Anyway: I recently started this book. I can’t remember who recommended it to me, and when, but it has been on my “to read” list for a long time. I absolutely love it so far!! Her basic premise is that all fears, whether they are about finding a job or making new friends or intimacy or death, is about the idea that “I can’t (or won’t be able) to handle it.” So, her suggestions and techniques are about boosting your positive self talk, confidence, self esteem, thoughts, and behaviors so you know you can handle whatever it is. I have found it pretty helpful as a framework for applying to open relationship challenges. What might I be afraid of? That J will leave me? That he will love someone else? That he will enjoy amazing, mind-blowing sex with someone else? Using Jeffers’ framework, I would say that my basic fear with all of these things is that I don’t think I can handle any of these things if they were to happen. Thinking about fears this way allows me to say to myself- No, I most certainly can handle that! I’m not going to die, I will keep on living, I’ll keep on loving. I’m not done with the book yet, but so far, it’s been eye-opening and an easy read.

Continued chakra meditation and practice: I allow these meditations to enter my consciousness several times throughout the day. I breathe in calm and universal energy, and allow my out-breaths to take away any gross, murky, yucky energy that has accumulated in my body. I concentrate on embodying the characteristics of each chakra. I always feel at least a little more relaxed and peaceful afterwards.

Ben-wa balls (I have the Lelo Luna beads): I have been wanting some ben-wa balls for a long, long time. Finally spent the money on them! They have been super fun to play with and leave in during exercise and housework. While I mistakenly bought the classic size (Lelo makes the mini size for women under 30 or for those who have never gone through childbirth), but they seem to fit fine and are not noticeable to me at all once they are in. Yay for working out my pelvic floor! :)

Really utilizing the depth and breadth of my social support network: I am so grateful for my amazing partners, my close-knit group of open friends (and especially for my open women friends), the responsive and insightful open community on the interwebs (poly forum, reddit, etc), my super supportive vanilla friends, and my super supportive family members. I have to publicly thank all of these awesome people from time to time for how much love, openness, and support you bring to my life. Thank you :)

Peyronie’s Disease, Cock Sheaths, Swinging, & Sex IQ

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“I ran into your blog online the other day after finding a few postings on DA.com.  My searching for these types of articles will become apparent by the end of the e-mail.  I realize you are not Dan Savage or whatever but thought I’d go ahead and give it a go.  Hell maybe it will give you an idea for a column.  If not all I did was waste some of my time by sending a e-mail into the net ether.
 

After looking at the postings and some of your replies I’ve got a question about a certain… ahem product that you seem to speak highly of.
I think it is called oxoballs cock extender sheath.  So I took a look at the website these are from, but that didn’t really answer my unique circumstance/question and I don’t think my doctor is going to be privy to the information I require. Here goes with a bit of story included….
I’m a happily married guy and I do everything to please my wife (toys, rope, clamps, riding crop, etc. etc.).  The amount of towels we need to put down before sex would suggest that she is having a good time, but I would love to see if the oxoballs would give me some of the extra length I’m looking for.  However, I’m hesitant to drop cash on something that might not fit on a curved penis.
Any thoughts on if the oxoballs would bend easily around a curved penis or is it quite rigid?…
Without getting into graphic pictures, etc. wikipedia provides a good overview of the kind of curvature I have (peyronie’s disease).  Long story short over time the penis bends, which results in quite crappy side effects and some shortening of the penis…. And also there is no cure currently except some rather drastic and scary surgery (for the love of God! do not google that… you don’t want to know).
I have been exploring the long term option of seeing if I might enjoy watching my wife have sex with other men / opening our relationship so she can get what she needs from time to time that I will be unable to physically give her.  Sad thoughts for me, but it could be a reality and it seems rather selfish for her not to pursue things.  We have already talked about this and are very open with our communication.  Right now we are still in the information gathering / talking stage, but we might give it a whirl at some point with the right guy. 
We also thought about swinging with another couple, but I have doubts about how other wives would react to a curved penis.  It works fine, feels good to her, and she comes like crazy.  However, visually it seems like it might be a shock and / or draw comments (sort of my nightmare scenario).  Also… would one bring up this issue before play starts?” 
From J:
The Oxballs brand cock sheaths are quite flexible.  To give you some indication of how flexible they are, it is quite easy to bend them completely back on themselves with just the force of one hand. I am quite confident that they will easily fit comfortably on even a VERY curvy penis. We have both the “Dude” and the “Gym Boy” models and they are both made of TPR Silicone blend which is basically just flexible silicone. The “Gym Boy” is fun because it is longer but the “Dude” is slightly thicker. If you are quite curvy, I would probably recommend starting with the “Dude” as it will be less likely to exacerbate your curvature since it is a bit shorter. 

Also, I just wanted to add in some information about swinging and swinging couples. Since we started playing with other couples over two years ago we have seen tremendous variety in sexual organs. Everyone has pretty uniquely shaped, colored, sized, et cetera parts. If you engage in more of the “progressive swinging”, which is to go on a few dates with couples and get to know them first before playing, you may feel comfortable enough to hop into bed with those people knowing that they are not the kind of people who are going to make disparaging remarks about your unique cock. OR, you may feel comfortable simply telling them that you are a bit self-conscious about your curvy cock; my guess is that they will respond by providing some reassurance. I will tell you that I have personally struggled a lot with performance anxiety when swinging with other couples and I have found it really helpful to just put it out there before anything happens. I know this isn’t really what you asked about but…I just wanted to give you my two cents.

From K:

I thought it made most sense to have J respond to your questions about cock sheaths, since he’s the one who has actually used them :) As the recipient, I can tell you that being able to play with size is fun! However, if your wife is already pretty sensitive to size, make sure to warm up her pussy really well before trying to ram your cock + sheath inside. Both sheaths that J recommended definitely add girth, as well as length. The first number of times we played with them, we had to warm up really well, take things slow, and use a whole lot of lube. A big barrier for me, though, was mental- I looked at how big the sheath was and thought “No way that is going in me!” I was wrong, haha. Now that we have played with those toys many, many times, the mental barrier is no longer there and it takes less warm-up to get J’s cock+sheath all the way in.

I really wanted to commend you for how unselfish you seem in considering your wife and her sexual needs. I think it is really amazing to hear that you would be willing to open up your relationship so that she is able to continue having intercourse with other people. 

You mentioned the possibility of you watching her with other men- does this turn you on? What are the goals of watching? Do you want to feel included or do you want to participate somehow? I only ask these questions because it seems important for you to know, as best you can, how you will feel watching your wife with someone else. (Of course, experiencing it can be something totally different. Proactive thinking and talking is the best you can do, and it sounds like you are engaging in that!) 

I also wanted to reiterate what J mentioned about bringing up your cock shape and sensitivities about it before playing with other people, especially in the context of swinging. My hope for you is that talking about it beforehand will alleviate your anxiety, because you will know before playing with someone whether or not they will be respectful, kind, and whether or not they are sexually/erotically intelligent. (Also, if you are able to have intercourse, enjoy other kinds of sex, and your wife has a good time, I am sure other women would be receptive to having sex with you.) In a traditional swinger space, I would bring it up once you have plans to play with another couple (I would say something like: “Yeah, this sounds really fun and hot! Let’s do it! I do want to let you know that my cock curves quite a bit. I can totally have intercourse and my wife always has a good time, but I just wanted to let you know.” This gives the other people a chance to respond before everyone is naked, and you a chance to relax. Getting turned on while anxious is almost impossible.) In a progressive swinger space, I think you would have ample opportunity and a lot of room to bring it up, whether it is during an email conversation or over your first date or two before things get hot. And, if anyone is rude or mean, you probably don’t want to play with them anyway.

Lastly, it seems important to mention sexual/erotic intelligence. It sounds like you are quite able to have intercourse still, but are considering the possibility in the future that you may not be able to anymore. I know that depression and withdrawal from one’s partner are common effects from Peyronie’s disease; I’m sure it can feel very depressing to not be able to engage in a part of sex that feels central to many people. However, penile-vaginal sex doesn’t have to be (and isn’t in my book) the be-all-end-all of sexual experience. Oral sex, anal play, playing with hands, playing with toys, incorporating dirty talk and porn and any other kinks all count as “sex” in my book. (And it sounds like you two incorporate many accoutrements in your sex, so, yay!) Think about how you define “intimacy,” too, and how you define physical intimacy. It doesn’t need to only include penile-vaginal sex. Broadening your definition may help you fear the loss of penile-vaginal sex less, or at least help you remember that there is still a lot that you can engage in that is intimate and meaningful and fun. I don’t want to discount your experience or minimize what you have gone through at all; but because sexual intelligence has been a really important part of what J and I have incorporated into our sex life, I wanted to be sure to talk about it here.

Good luck!!