Category Archives: Sex Work

Nonmonogamy research, gender, self care, and HIV

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Links to share:

This is a pretty fascinating summary of research done on the perception of different types of nonmonogamy; spoiler alert, poly folks were perceived to be more moral while swingers were perceived to be more adventurous.

A pretty awesome piece written on the lessons to be gained from dating someone in an open relationship

A fun compilation of vagina facts

Ginny on using language to be more gender-inclusive

The Gottman blog on self care, autonomy, closeness, and relationship interdependence

Interesting ideas on why childfree couples seem to cheat less than their counterparts with children

I love this infographic from The Lancet on HIV and sex workers:

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Patronage & Empowerment

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Two pieces I recommend this week related to sex work:

‘Insatiable’: One Woman’s Love Affair With The Porn Industry

and

Erica’s latest awesome comic on being a good strip club patron

Thursday night I worked (danced) and it was a rough time for me! I was so tired at 12:30am- and still had at least an hour and a half to go. It didn’t help that a group of guys came in who barely gave me any energy or money; it wasn’t enough to go off of and forget that I was as sleepy as I was. And yet, I kept smiling and laughing to myself: I’m so tired, I have to get up in seven hours for my other job, these guys are boring and making me even more tired. Why am I doing this? And the answer kept coming back: because I love this job. I love performing, I love getting naked, I love making awesome money doing it (ha, not from those particular guys, but in general).

One unexpected interaction I had was with a young guy (just turned 21) who moved out here not that long ago from Florida… because his ex stabbed him. He disclosed this only after I told him what I do for my day job. “I guess you could call me a victim of domestic violence,” he said. He cried. “The cops just laughed at me.” It’s not your fault. Thank you for telling me. That’s fucked up. I’m so sorry that happened. You deserve to be in a healthy relationship. There are some certain interactions I can count on working in a strip club, and even though I don’t count on interactions like this one, I am thankful I have the ability to navigate them.

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Queer Models, Weddings, Pussy

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My fave links this past week:

I love me some queer hot mamis: 20 Out Models We Love

Guess which kind of wedding J and I had: Every Wedding You Will Ever Attend: A Field Guide

The next video in asking strangers to do stuff with each other; I can’t help but love it: The Director Behind the “First Kiss” Video Is Back with “Undress Me”

I personally want one of her pussy phone covers. And I hope the attention brought to her arrest helps bring the irony to light: Japanese Artist Megumi Igarashi Arrested for 3D Printed Artwork Based on Her Vagina (nsfw)

On explicit, proactive communication, invisible fences, and fuzzy landmines: How to (not) trip/blow up poly relationships | SoloPoly

And, for those of you into reading academic-y, philosophical things related to sex, relationships, identity, and sex work: Philosophy of Sex

Labor

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The new club I am working at is proving to be well worth my time. While the shifts are an hour longer, my ability to work nights has been lucrative. There are a lot of bar regulars, but there have also been many customers willing to dole out the money. For some reason, it’s like I realize again and again once I get to the club that it’s work, and being able to take advantage of that flow of cash has been extremely helpful the past six months.

My focus on stripping as labor also has become clear when I am talking to customers who want to date outside of the club- which I have had happen much more often at this new place. Trying to gently decline while still maintaining their interest in spending money is really tricky. Customers who come in and try to pick up strippers is not unusual- strip clubs are places of fantasy and hope. But I’m still dumbfounded when it happens. Why do you think I’m here? So I can meet dates? Ha, no. The unwillingness of customers, or maybe just the naivete (although I doubt it), to see strippers as workers just boggles my mind. But again, that is part of building and maintaining fantasy: customers know that they must pay money in order to enjoy strippers’ performances, company, and more intimate/private interactions, but many also seem in denial that there is a flow of money and exchange facilitated by money and want to believe that if the money exchange stops the sexual exchange would continue.

In other sex work-y news, my first support group went well! We had a nice mix of workers (three people, who have danced, escorted, and done web-based and phone-based work) and our brainstorming for topics was fun. Safety planning, financial planning, legal rights, self care, activism, and networking/building community all came up. I’m excited to see how this group forms up.

Recent news that I wanted to share, too:

Nicolas Kristof’s Sweatshop Boner

I love love love Tits and Sass. Their Week in Links post are great and totally packed with other sex worker related news. Check it out!

We’ll Do It In My Car

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I’m dancing. Twirling, spinning, bending over, dropping down, crawling around. Shaking, bouncing, touching, spanking. Eyes, eyes, eyes. Smiles and smirks. Words when they count, silence when it’s better.

The heat is building. You give me more and more of yourself. I slowly draw you out; I can feel your shell breaking slowly, one small piece at a time. This is addicting, this process- this process of seeing your more real self. Finding the gooey center that I can connect to. And today, we’re both red hot, too hot to touch, too hot not to.

You ask for a private dance. I don’t expect anything different. I take your hand and lead you back. I begin, and all I want is to be close. I grab onto your shoulders, your hair, your legs. I breathe softly on your neck and ears. You shiver and squirm ever so slightly and sigh. You want more and so do I.

Wait for me. We’ll do it in my car.

We lock eyes and the intensity is palpable. You nod and I feel the adrenaline in the pit of my stomach and my pussy uncontrollably clench and release.

We leave the private dance room. You sit at the bar, breathing deeply, ask for a drink. I go to the dressing room, breathing deeply, put on more perfume.

And a little later, my shift is done, I’ve locked eyes with other people and danced and made my money. But my focus is undeniably on you and my promise. Wait for me. We’ll do it in my car.

And again, I take your hand, but this time I lead you out to my car. We get in, I drive around the block. It’s dark out, the stars peeping out, the moon large. It’s a quiet night, no one else out. We sit in silence for a minute, before letting the drive take over.

I am in ecstasy and completely succumb to your hands. I lay back as you kiss my neck, my ears, and everything else. Your skin is on fire, your cock is throbbing. And when we can take it no longer, I slide myself on top of you and ride you harder and harder, the waves of coming are overwhelming. I want you on top of me or behind me, but being in a car has its limitations. We plan, in whispers, for our next time. In a minute, you come too, and we are sweaty and exhausted.

Until next time.

Dancing Anew

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I danced at a new place on Thursday night!

I don’t know if it was the extra charm and luck that one experiences at a first night somewhere new, but it was a really fun night. I had several visitors, including J and several sexy and close friends, it was busy much of the night, customers tipped really well, my phone worked all night for playing music, and I did several private dances. I came home with excellent money. I had fun being super awkward on the new stage- well, in honesty, I was really nervous, but by the end of the night I could say I was having more fun than nerves. :) (The stage is super small and the pole spins- I’m used to more space and a stationary pole. So I was twirling a ton and just smiling. Haha. At least my body isn’t super crazy sore today.)

Two interesting things:

One, this place is a no-contact club. I can’t touch any customers. During private dances, I don’t sit, touch, brush up against the customer at all. It’s so strange! It’s weird and cool at the same time that people still want to pay $20 a song for a complete and total tease (especially when they could easily go elsewhere and at least have a dancer sit on their lap). But, cool, whatever! I do wish that dancers could operate under more latitude and decide completely for themselves how much contact to have with a customer. At my regular club, there is some discretion- you can give a no-contact dance or get a little grind-y. Even still, I wish there was somewhere where I could decide between no contact and two-way contact and have the full range be permissible and negotiable.

Two, one of the women I worked with happened to be the bartender that was working when I auditioned… I also happened to run into her during my straight job earlier in the week, while she was working her straight job. It was surreal. I walked into her work, and we both just looked at each other. Hi, we both smiled. I love the secret club. It was great to talk to her more last night and find out that her boss and coworkers all know about her part time job as a dancer and respect that it’s a separate space and life of hers. It’s really encouraging to me to know that other social service agencies, or at least individuals in those agencies, are flexible and open minded.

I’m working there again this next week, and I’m excited to see how it goes. It felt really refreshing to try a new space out and remind myself that I can control where I choose to dance.

Control & Support Groups

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I have been fairly pissed the past couple of weeks, because for some strange unknown reason, the manager at my club just stopped scheduling me. I’ve worked there almost two years! The first week was the week that made me most mad- it was my regular shift I signed up for, and I have a really limited availability since I work during the week. I was frustrated all week about it, and primarily because my manager just did not communicate with me about why I wasn’t scheduled. He just didn’t tell me anything about it. If it was a mistake, that’s fine- tell me. If there’s a reason, that’s fine- tell me. No communication is just immature, unprofessional, and disrespectful. And then this past weekend, I sent in my shift request late and it was for a shift that I never work, so I expected not to be scheduled. Still, when I wasn’t, I was frustrated.

But it finally gave me a kick in the pants to move beyond my comfort zone and go audition at other places. I auditioned at one new place this past week, and it was exhilarating to be in a new space with new people. I’d like to audition at a few other places and ride the energy of exploring new places. I am such a creature of routine that it usually takes me getting pretty upset or frustrated with something before I try to change it. So here’s to some change!

And I realized why it got under my skin so badly. It reminded me of my experience with school this past year, and someone else controlling how and when and where I use my body. My professor told me, in essence, I needed to choose between education and stripping. And the manager at my regular club told me, by not scheduling me, that I was not going to strip at his club. The lack of agency I felt was overwhelming. Now that I recognize that that was the underlying drive and feeling, I have been more relaxed, knowing I can find another place to dance if need be.

Similar to the constraining feelings of control- this piece on Stripper Economics was recently published by the Portland Mercury, and delves a little bit into the independent contractor versus employee issue. It’s a little flat, but decent coverage of how the work environment is in Portland clubs. It doesn’t seem like the reporter talked to many dancers, which is unfortunate.

In other sex work-related news, I am starting a sex worker support group through SWOC and my work. I am stoked about it! I have had some interesting conversations with various people about it, and I am really excited to have my first one in just over a week. If you’re in the Portland area, 18+, and currently working in the sex industry, feel free to get in touch if you’d like to attend.

This is Belle Knox’s most recent article; it’s fabulous. I love the term “whorearchy.” The sentiments she discusses are spot-on and exactly what I’ve felt the past couple years working in the industry myself. It’s also something I am wary of as I begin the support group: I want to make sure workers of all stripes feel included and respected within the group. Ideally I want the group to be a space of understanding and solidarity. Hopefully that’s what it becomes.