An Insider’s Guide to Hotwifing and Cuckolding

I wrote a post for DatingAdvice on hotwifing and cuckolding 🙂

Check it out!

An Insider’s Guide to Hotwifing and Cuckolding

My conclusion:

“Consider this:

Most of the new readers to my blog have arrived there because they were searching for things like “hotwifing,” “hotwife lifestyle” and “hotwife,” and my most popular posts are those on the subject.

Subreddits formed around the topic are flooded with conversation. Fetlife groups catered to the community are huge.

Search the M4MW on the casual encounters section of Craigslist and you’ll likely see a sizable group of people looking for encounters. Hotwife and cuckold porn are also common.

I think it’s taboo for men to admit they are turned on thinking about their girlfriends or wives having sex with someone else. Common worries, fears and questions I have heard include, “Does it mean they are less of a man? Or they have penis envy? Or they are gay?”

Breaking down those fears means breaking down cultural messages and assumptions related to gender identity, sexual orientation and patriarchy.

Similarly, it may be difficult for women to understand a male partner’s fascination with hotwifing or cuckolding, especially if she adheres to messages related to monogamy.

In any case, if you are turned on thinking about a partner of yours getting it on with another guy, please know you are not alone!

I think this fantasy and turn-on is probably one of the most common out there, and it is possible to explore it safely (emotionally, physically, sexually) both in your imagination and with a willing partner.”

Hotwife Ethics

I came across this search time that someone used and then found my blog, and I’m not totally sure what was meant behind the phrase. But, I’ll take a stab at it anyway.

The ethics of hotwifing parallel the ethics of ethical nonmonogamy, at least in my experience.

Good experiences are built around transparency, honesty, communication, and consent. Hotwifing, one option part of the larger ethically nonmonogamous umbrella, requires all people involved to understand their motivations, desires, and role as best they can  in order to fully conceptualize and consent to the relationship- whether that relationship is a primary partnership, friends-with-benefits relationship, or fuck buddies relationship (and obviously other secondary or simply other relationships present- I mentioned the others since they seem to be more common in a hotwifing relationship dynamic).

More broadly speaking, hotwifing relationships are ethical if all parties involved want said relationship. If you are concerned about the ethics of nonmonogamous relationships (like how ethically nonmonogamous relationships go against the grain of social and religious norms), then I would suggest doing further reading and reaching out to folks practiced in the area.

More specifically, the hotwifing dynamic can introduce some special twists. Male primary partners and husbands often want to know specific details about an encounter, to hide in the house or room and watch or listen to a sexual encounter (without the other partner’s or bull’s knowledge), and sometimes an ability to vet or veto any potential partner (and also sometimes to ask for boundaries around emotional attachment to other partners). I think that these kinds of boundaries can pose some grey ethical boundaries depending on the context.

Is it ethical for the hotwife to bring home a one-night stand while her husband hides in the closet and watches and listens? What if that one-night stand turns into a regular partner? Can the husband continue to hide and watch/listen? Should the wife inform the other partner?

Similarly, is it ethical for the hotwife to divulge any and all details of a sexual encounter she had last night with a one-night stand to her husband? What if it’s with a regular friends-with-benefits?

On these issues, I tend to fall like this: If it’s a one-night stand, you owe the one-night stand your respect, honesty, and authenticity. If they ask you a question about your relationship, your safer sex practices, or how your male partner feels about something, you should answer honestly. Later, you can tell your husband everything (it’s also okay in my book if he was secretly present to watch or listen). However, if that one-night stand turns into something more long-standing, then the hotwife and/or husband have a responsibility to fully inform the other person of the degree to which the husband likes to be involved in the escapades, whether that is through voyeurism, participation, or in-depth knowledge. This gives the other person the ability to fully understand the relationship dynamics, his role, and therefore the ability to consent to the relationship. This also leads us to the possibility of a bull relationship (FWB or fuck buddy) turning into something more: making sure that your other partner understands any limits or boundaries around your relationship together will go quite a ways in preventing unnecessary heart ache.

Have any other specific questions about the ethics of hotwifing? Comment here or email me!

Have any thoughts about this? Comment and let me know!

Hotwifing & Cuckolding- The Matriarch Reigns Supreme

My next blog post went live on MultipleMatch: Hotwifing & Cuckolding- The Matriarch Reigns Supreme.

I loved writing this one. Check it out! 😀

Here’s an excerpt:

I get ready for our night out. My black leather collar with rhinestones is the centerpiece of my outfit. He comes up behind me, pressing himself into my ass. “I’m fucking him tonight, and I’m so excited for you to fuck me afterwards,” I whisper to him. He moans excitedly, anxious for the action to begin.

Hotwifing is a less-well known subculture within nonmonogamy, although the number of those who ascribe to the lifestyle seems to be great. David Ley’s Insatiable Wives offers some empirical support for the size of the community, and the array of relationships within it.

A “hotwife” refers to a woman in a partnered couple who has sexual encounters with other men. The dynamic usually looks like this: The husband/primary male partner is highly turned on by his wife’s/female partner’s sexual escapades, and derives pleasure and arousal from her exercising her sexual autonomy and from the image/thought/knowledge of another man having sex with her.

I am a hotwife. I revel in finding other sexy men who will get in bed with me. It turns both my primary partner and I on- it is probably our top turn-on as a couple. We both become insanely aroused thinking about another man’s cock in my pussy, and even though I always use condoms with other male partners, our top fantasy is about me having condom-free sex with other men.

Cuckold Reads

I was contacted by an editor asking if I would like to review a couple of new cuckold books coming out in the next couple of months. Although I am slammed with school, how can I pass on something like that?! I hope to be able to read them by the end of December and post my reviews of them. (It’s funny: J is not even interested because cuckolding stories totally turn him off. They don’t turn me on, but I am sure I will at least be entertained by them!)
Here are the cover descriptions:

The Education of a Cuckold ($12.95/5×8 Trade Paperback, $4.95/eBook; 182 pages, ISBN: 978-1-60381-544-4)
Jason is a smart, handsome high school kid, but when he falls hard for Beth, he just can’t drum up enough confidence to bring their close friendship to the next level. Meanwhile he has to watch her date other guys. At the end of the summer before college, Jason finally discovers Beth’s secret: she is sexually voracious. He also makes an uncomfortable discovery about himself: he is too poorly endowed to ever satisfy a woman like Beth. But wait … watching her make it with other men is no small turn-on. College brings more brutal lessons in humility, and Jason despairs of finding his place in the sexual universe. Then, as he begins his adult life, he meets Kristen and for the first time begins to take his extracurricular studies in submission seriously. Under Kristen’s cruel and compassionate tutelage, he learns exactly what it means to embrace his true cuckold nature.

Southern Belle Cuckold ($12.95/5×8 Trade Paperback, $4.95/eBook, 176 pages, ISBN: 978-1-60381-491-1)
When divorcé Michael meets divorcée Catherine at the gym, he’s convinced that she’s the perfect southern girl whose family will blend harmoniously with his. But Cat is not what she seems, not a tame little southern lamb, cultivated and gently reared to stroke his ego. No, she is a wild rose of Texas, a vixen who will stop at nothing to get satisfaction, even if it means jumping the chauffeur in their wedding limo. And that’s only the beginning. After all, Michael is a loving dad and a good provider, but as far as God’s gifts go, his package isn’t quite what it should be. Catherine needs more, a lot more, and he’d better come to terms with that … or else.