My Framily

For the second time in my life, I am in a class requiring me to create a genogram- essentially a family tree that uses symbols to denote characteristics like gender identity, family ties, marriages, divorces, family secrets, miscarriages and abortions, pets, sexual orientation, mental health diagnoses, substance abuse, and any other applicable dynamics. In mine, I also include domestic violence, poly relationships, education, and geography.

A few years ago, I discussed creating a critical sexual genogram, which is a variation on the traditional method that I totally love.

The last time I made one for class, I created it based on family ties and marriages. This time, I decided to include my framily- those friends of mine who have, over time, become family to me. 

Especially right now, when the world seems like total shit, it is extremely strengthening and heartening to me to see, on paper, the people who rely on me and who I rely upon, who I trust and love and care about. Who I know are genuinely kind and compassionate people, who are all doing their best in their own ways, of making the world a better place.

I talked to my sister on the phone tonight, and she was asking me, How do I not let the stress I’m experiencing from all of The Shit get to me? There’s only so much I can do! I have to work and I can’t know everything about everything, and there’s so little in my control.

I feel you, sis. Making my genogram tonight was so helpful though- people matter. People doing their best to be kind MATTER. Small actions matter. It can be hard to remember that, especially when we have been watching such big, destructive things happening so quickly. Creating community, building authentic relationships, continually striving to be more compassionate and loving people- that all matters, and it does make a difference.

Cheers to small actions, kind deeds, and the people who make the world brighter. I love you all, FramBam. You help me keep the hope that things, eventually, will be better for everyone. 

I’m Alive and So Are You!

So it’s been a while!

Thank you to everyone who has asked or emailed me to check in. It means a lot to me! And if I haven’t written you back yet I will 🙂

A month has gone by and I stepped away from SR mostly because I mentally couldn’t keep up with myself. But I’m back.

In my world, in no particular order:
I start school (again) today
Work is going well. I’m officially a supervisor!
My dear friend who I have been crushing hard on for two years finally realized it was a good idea to try dating me! 😉
Domestic violence is a hard thing to see and hear about
I did one nonsexual escort date and long story short, I got paid $2500 and J and I have gone out to dinner with both the dude and his wife (more on that to come)
I still LOVE dancing
I only have one box left in the house to unpack
We’re flying home next weekend to see the fam
I want to go Hawaii SO BAD. Especially since today is the first really dreary day in Portland.
Have you checked out Bitch media?The falll issue is called Love/Lust and has several excellent pieces on the questioning identity, feminist porn, and more
Still trying to figure out why my most comfortable state is naked. Or rather, trying to be naked more often

What’s new with you all?

Roller Coaster

The past couple of weeks have been so full and so good.

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I was offered my supervisor’s job last week and I’m doin’ it! I start officially in a week! Pay raise, more stuff to do… it’s going to be great.

We got our floors done in our house and they’re gorgeous and we moved our furniture in!! It feels like we are living in a house instead of camping in a crummy structure! I’m in love. I don’t like feeling “in love” with stuff, but after so much time and work, I feel in love with the labor and end result.

I love the summer and the beach and baking cookies every week and sexting with new sexy friends and snuggling and skin and sun and my puppy dog and starting a new program in the fall. I love that my mom is coming to visit this weekend and that my little sis started med school and that one sister in law is starting rotations and the other just finished residency. I love that J takes care of himself by calling in sick when he needs a day off and that he is so meticulous and thorough and energized when it comes to doing house projects and up for having fun outdoors and indoors with friends. I’m just really loving my network and my life right now. Being on the upswing of things feels damn good. Remembering my upswings is helpful for the downswings- it always changes.

Relationship and sex wise… The night J and I moved all of our furniture in we had really hot, raunchy sex. It’s like the psychic space cleared up once our physical environment felt in order. I loved it! And it totally re-emphasized to me the importance of physical space and energy as a barrier or supporter of mental clarity and sexual energy… A new friend has been making my heart race which is delicious! 😉 And other new friends are fun and bubbly and make us both smile. I’m excited to continue to explore all of these.

Life. Is. Good.

Penis Facts, OKC, Defining Relationships

Links, links, links!

Last week was vagina facts, this week it’s time for: Penis facts!

OKCupid has been running experiments on all of us sorry online daters

I’m in love with this website for a documentary made on couples’ relationships; check out the poly/mono clip, cheating clip, best sex clip, and take a look at the activity they provide for couples. I love that they have hetero couples, gay couples, mono couples, poly couples, young and older people, wealthy and poor people: TheAnd

And, totally: This Is What Happens When You Ask A Bunch Of Gay Men To Draw Vaginas

Some research suggests that believing one’s relationship is a journey, and not destiny, make the relationship more resilient to challenges

Let’s redefine our relationships- is monogamy really that common?

And, explaining bisexuality to Larry King

 

Chocolate Fudge Gelato

I ate a bunch of this delicious stuff, and I realize that my life feels like chocolate fudge gelato lately: creamy, rich, sweet but not too sweet, filling, complex… a complete burst of flavor!

Our trip to CA last week was more fun than I was expecting, and pretty rejuvenating. It was amazing to get so much heat and sun… and while I didn’t get to see my beautiful CA girlfriend as much as either of us wanted or expected, it was still an amazing time together. 😉

I am in the running to take my supervisor’s job when she leaves in about a month… craziness! Who would have thought? I am excited to see where this may go and open to the possibilities. More variety, more responsibility, management experience, budgeting experience, more pay… all of this has me happy and excited.

I tore up the carpet in our living room over the weekend, and it was a definite “fuck yeah” moment. I felt so cool ripping up stuff with my hands and tearing it out! And the room just looks and feels so much better without that super old, dusty carpet. The wood floors underneath were painted white at some point, but I don’t even care. It looks better, and is going to look even better once they’re sanded and sealed.

Before chocolate gelato yesterday, the day consisted of sleeping in (until TEN!!), a quick workout, the beach for four hours, and dinner to a super tasty Indian restaurant. It was a lovely week and weekend. I hope you all have had just as rich and delicious lives as well.

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Sleep Deprivation

But worth it!! Right?!

I’m sure I’ll crash this week or next but this past week was full of:

Dancing, having friends come visit, and making money honey

Naked beach time with some good friends after work for an evening picnic

Step-by-step canvas painting class with one of my lovelies (picture below!) I do believe mine came out so pretty because it was a group effort. Both my friend and the teacher for our class helped me fix a number of things, haha.

Book of Mormon! It was horribly offensive… and hysterical.

Traveling down to southern OR and CA to see family! This is the first time since I started my job that I took time off! Three whole days this week! 😀 We got to see/are seeing my parents, and J’s parents, grandparents, sisters and brothers, our new baby nephew, and his uncle and wife and two daughters. Very full of family. I’m sure we’ll be ready to come home on Wednesday, just like we were ready to get out of Portland last Friday. We are also seeing J’s good friend and his girlfriend (my CA girlfriend!) and my fantasies just won’t stop…

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*my favorite word I wrote on mine (on the right) was fearless but it was cut off in the picture

Happy happy Monday 🙂

Life is Full and Delicious

Crazy past week: life is zooming ahead!

I am starting a new job soon- with the same agency but in a different role. It’s going to be far busier than what I have been doing and I think it will be a positive shift in my day-to-day. I hope I can manage a full work load and school in the fall.

I had a major freak out last week. I found out that somehow I had linked my blog (yes, this blog) to my main Google plus profile. Which means I had been sharing all of my blog posts with people in my circles- some random acquaintances from college and grad school, some family members, some friends. So Mom, Dad, other family, and people on the periphery of my life: if you’ve been following me along, that is totally fine. The irony of this situation is not lost on me. If you ever want to talk to me about stuff you’ve read on here, I am happy to talk. If not, that’s fine too. But I know that you know. So we’re good.

Some old news: that poly speed dating event J and I went to was cool! It was super well coordinated and there were about 100 people there! I definitely recommend going to the next one.

I’m excited about my next open women’s group. We are doing an activity where we will feed one another in silence for a little while- I think it will be a nice, intimate thing to do with one another. And I am looking forward to a new kind of touch and intimacy with some of my best woman friends.

My bestie and her fiance were in town this past weekend with us! It was fabulous, especially since I hadn’t seen her since October. We even took them to our fave nude beach, and they even got naked. I was extremely impressed- they had never been around any other naked people before. Wahoo, vanilla friends gettin’ a little spicy!

[My crummy part of the week: getting totally triggered by a comment a friend made yesterday about someone’s “perfect breasts.” No one is perfect, right? I vented to J several times throughout the evening, and told myself last night as I was trying to fall asleep that I would wake up feeling better. And I did. So I am making some progress on managing my negative thoughts.]

Stay cool this week; it’s warming way up!