Tag Archives: fmf

My Favorite Threesome Positions

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My latest DatingAdvice post is now live: My Favorite Threesome Positions

Read on for my intro, and please go read the rest if you are so inclined 🙂

“How do you actually have a threesome? I mean, I get you put three fun and sexually adventurous people together, but what are the mechanics of it? How do you fit three people together?

We don’t see threesomes in mainstream media, so unless you watch porn, you may feel a little stumped or even duped (Do people actually do that? Does it really feel good?)

I’m here to help.”

What are your favorite positions? Any majorly hot ones I missed?

Picking Your Third

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My latest DA post is live: “How to Pick Your Third for a Threesome”

Read on for my intro:

“You and your partner are ready to dive into some sexual explorations and want to invite another person into your bedroom. Who should you pick?

When J and I invite people into our bedroom, we do so based off some broad principles (which we have talked about before inviting others into our bedroom, and in some cases, figured out together after a disappointing experience).

1. Are we both attracted to the person?

Even if we are going to have an MFM in which J and the other man are not sexually into one another, it’s still important that J be intellectually and mentally connected to the other man.

Determining if we both dig someone else’s vibe, physically and energetically, is an important first step.”

Do you have certain criteria for inviting someone into your bedroom for a threesome?

The Elusive FMF- Is it really all it is cracked up to be?

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K and I recently had the chance to experience an FMF thanks to a willing and adventurous woman from a couple that we have become close with recently.  First of all, I want to thank that other woman for being so adventurous and willing to hop right in and try something completely new despite being fairly new to all of this.
 
So, to put the FMF in perspective for our readers it is important to know that for K, this was all about my pleasure. 🙂  K, while comfortable playing with other women and occasionally turned on by those experiences, is primarily straight.  This meant that her motivation for inviting another woman to join us was primarily about turning me on and allowing me to have the experience of two women who were both there and interested in playing with me. 
 
In my imagination (yes I have thought about this before. . . a lot) this scenario sounded awesome but as this scenario started to seem more like a real possibility, I began to question whether this was something that I was really even interested in.  Since the option to play with other women is already available to me through couple play, group play, separate play, and other types of play, it meant that the only benefit of an FMF was literally having two women pleasing me at the same time.  Because, if I just wanted to be with other women, I could experience that through couple play or single play with other women in a one-on-one type setting. 
 
When I actually thought (realistically, not just fantasizing) about the logistics of the scenario I realized that I am always more than satisfied with just one woman in the bedroom.  I cannot recall a single time in my life when the woman I was with was completely drained while I lay there wanting more. This is especially true with K who is always more than willing to make sure I am satisfied by using her hands, mouth, toys, etc. in order to make sure that I am completely satisfied!
 
So, while the FMF sounded fun as a new experience to try (because, after all, you have to try something once to know whether or not you like it) I was not entirely sure how the logistics of the actual scenario would work out.
 
Not to sound completely ungrateful for the chance to try out this experience and for these two beautiful and open women who were willing to make this happen for me but. . . I am not sure that the reality of the situation really lived up to the fantasy.  To be perfectly honest, at times it felt like twice as much work without a lot of added benefit.  Throughout the situation I felt like it was quite difficult to just act naturally and follow my urges because I was constantly worried about a variety of things such as: whether or not I was giving equal time to both women, whether both women were satisfied, and if there were jealousy issues coming up. Even with the Hitachi Magic Wand as my partner, I was constantly trying to make sure that both women were satisfied, getting enough attention and enjoying the experience. It became somewhat overwhelming to keep track of all of these different factors and I sort of wished that I was alone and fantasizing about the experience rather than actually in the situation.  I think that as I feel more comfortable with K and more trusting of her ability to honestly communicate when she is having feelings of jealousy, an FMF experience will be more satisfying.  However, at the point we were at when we had this FMF, I was unsure about whether or not K was honestly communicating with me about her desire to have this experience.  Because of all of the emotional complications of this particular FMF, the sex was not quite as spectacular as there is likely potential for.
 
Besides all of the mental turn offs of attempting an FMF that I learned from my first attempt at an FMF, I confirmed that one woman is more than enough to satisfy me.  In my relationship I am almost always ready to be done with sex and to fall asleep before K.  Adding in a second woman who also needed physical attention, penetration, and kissing was simply more work than I was able to handle physically while still ensuring that both women were physically satisfied.  Thank goodness for the Hitachi Magic Wand because without that amazing device, these women would have been expecting way too much out of me.
 
While the FMF was overall a good experience, due in very large part to the wonderful women who made this experience possible, it was not everything that I imagined.  Perhaps I simply built up this situation too much in my mind.  The reality of the situation was that there were twice as many women in the room all expecting to leave the situation physically satisfied and there was a huge potential for emotional issues that left me feeling overwhelmed.  I look forward to trying this situation again in the future as it was overall a good experience but if it never happens again, I am just thankful for the opportunity I had to explore this with these two women.

Self-Love & Masturbation, and How an FMF Worked for Me!

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I (K) used to masturbate all the time, since I “figured it out” around the age of 12 or 13. Like all the time. Like a few times a day if I could. And then a couple of years ago during college, I just sort of stopped. I didn’t really think about it; it wasn’t a conscious decision. But I was fine; I felt like many of my sexual desires were being met by my partner (J), and I didn’t think to keep up my practice of self-love.
 
That is, until J came home talking about one of his favorite podcasts (Life on the Swing Set), on which the hosts discussed masturbating and how it enhances one’s sex life. My first thought: Excuse me? So now J is going to go masturbate, and then not want to have sex with me?
 
Hold up. Why would either I or J masturbating have any effect on our sex life together? What is wrong about having a personal sex life? Actually, nothing.
 
In fact, knowing what I like means I am better able to tell my partners what I want and like. And, at least for me, when I have masturbated earlier in the day, sometimes I notice being that much more turned on, not to mentioned relaxed and happier, the rest of the day.
 
Sex, and love for that matter, is not a zero-sum game. Having sex once during the day doesn’t mean we can’t have it again later if we both want to. If I masturbate in the morning, I might still want to have sex later, or right away! And the same goes for J: if he wants to masturbate, that is his personal sexy time, and he will involve me when he wants to! (This also completely relates to a topic J will be covering soon—what counts as “sex”? Orgasm isn’t always the “point” of every sexual encounter. Sometimes it isn’t possible to be turned on again, but we can still share steamy moments and aid each other in masturbating!)
 
Now that I have rediscovered my sense of self-love and am willing to act on it, I am so much more relaxed. I remember during college there would be nights when J wouldn’t want to play; I would get so frustrated! I remember having so much sexual tension during some parts of college! I just wasn’t getting enough release. Now if a similar situation arises, I will take care of my needs, on my own. Sometimes it has the effect of turning on J, and we do enjoy each other, and sometimes I slip out of bed and enjoy myself. Either way, I feel more fulfilled all of the time!
 
How does all of this tie into having an FMF? Well, honestly because I think that for an FMF work with two straight and bi-comfortable women (which was our situation), each woman has to be comfortable with performing her act of self-love in front of two other people. The one M can only do so much at one time!! And I wouldn’t want J to feel obligated to get two women off! I had a great time- I got to use my wonderful Hitachi for minutes at a time, which totally turned on J and the other F. I think it was an adjustment to realize that I would need to have more “self-love” time in front of two people, but after trying it out, I was totally happy masturbating. I didn’t really need anything else! Playing with K (the other F) was totally rockin’ and getting to play with J was also AWESOME (that was really the point for me –to aid another F in pleasuring J!!), but having a super sexy atmosphere to masturbate in was also amazing! (Thanks again K for participating in such a sexy time with us!)
Embracing a personal practice of self-love has transformed my understanding and experience of intimacy. Rather than viewing masturbation as a solitary act, I now see it as an essential component of my overall sexual health and well-being. By taking time to explore my own desires and preferences, I can approach shared moments with my partner, J, with more confidence and clarity. This self-awareness not only enhances our connection but also ensures that my needs are met, both individually and together. Rediscovering the joy of self-pleasure has empowered me to feel more balanced and content, contributing positively to every aspect of my life. Moreover, masturbation has become a way to maintain a consistent level of sexual excitement and fulfillment. On days when J and I aren't able to connect physically, I can still enjoy a sense of satisfaction and relaxation through my own touch. This personal time allows me to recharge and stay in tune with my body, making our shared experiences even more exhilarating when they do happen. It's a form of self-care that benefits not only me but also our relationship, as I bring a more relaxed and satisfied version of myself to our interactions. This newfound comfort with self-love has also enriched our adventures with others. For example, during an FMF encounter, I found that being open to self-pleasure in front of both J and another F enhanced the experience for everyone involved. It broke down barriers and added a layer of excitement and connection that might not have been possible otherwise. By prioritizing my own pleasure, I was able to contribute more fully to the shared experience, making it more enjoyable for all. This openness and willingness to explore have brought a new dimension to our intimacy, one that celebrates both individual and collective satisfaction.