Sexual Agreements

A good friend sent me a book about a month ago, and I’m almost done with it: Sexual Agreements by Amara Charles. (I haven’t found it online, which is why there isn’t a link to it). However, Amara’s website is here.

I’ll post a full review once I’m done reading it (probably next Friday), but here are my initial impressions and responses to the book:

-I appreciate her unwavering focus on honesty, emotional boundaries, communication skills, and self awareness. All of these are essential in having positive conversations about sexual needs, desires, and preferences.

-I also appreciate that her book seems to be built on the idea that two people in a relationship deserve to be sexually compatible, and thus deserve to have honest conversations with each other about their sexual identities.

-She has really particular ideas about what open relationships are, and even mentions at what point that “there isn’t a word to describe being involved with more than one person” (something along those lines)…. I’m pretty sure that there are dozens of words to describe those different kinds of relationships. So far, I have only seen her reference or discuss open relationships that are built on a primary dyad in which each person only has casual sex with other people.

-She offers excellent questions for self reflection and reflection with a partner surrounding comfort levels, jealousy, and what kinds of agreements make sense for you.

Next week I would like to offer my favorite passages with further thoughts. 🙂 Let me know if you have read it, or her other book The Sexual Practices of Quodoushka, and what your thoughts are!

Happy Friday!

Nature & Relationships

J and I are going for a short camping adventure this weekend, and I am scheduling this post to publish while we’re out in the woods…

Going out into the wilderness, where I can be among trees and see mountains and water and wide open sky and stars, is an amazing source of rejuvenation for my soul. It tends to rejuvenate not just my inner sense of stability and calm, but how I interact with others, including J. I notice that after some solid time without technology and work and to-do lists and other people around, I feel grounded and clear.

I also tend to have these thoughts: those trees are so tall and so old, that water continuously flows even when I’m not here. The animals out here- they are totally making it. I am comforted deeply by both the stability and change that wildness offers. That comfort extends into my ability to cope with change in my life. I often meditate on relationship change when I am outside surrounded by trees. If they’ve made it this far in the world amidst all this change, maybe I can too. I can still go out to the trees, no matter what is going on in my life, and they’ll be here.

Do you have any practices that help you cultivate your security, from the outside-in? How do you see that later manifesting from the inside-out?

olallie