The idea of slut-shaming is discussed in more detail in The Ethical Slut; it is basically the idea that promiscuous individuals, and more specifically promiscuous women, are immoral and deviant. Sluts cannot be trusted with having honest relationships, they will “steal” your partner behind your back, and they might actually like sex (which, as everyone knows, is in itself wrong. Ha!).
Trying out this idea of casual sex really hammered home this idea of “slutty-ness” for me.In the Ethical Slut, the authors describe their attempt to reclaim the label slut, as someone who is honest and open about their sexuality, who knows what they want and are not afraid to find it and get it. Am I a slut? Would I call myself a slut? This word just carries a lot of negative connotations; I think I am more comfortable saying I am in an open relationship. Yes, if “slut” meant that I was simply open with my sexuality with others, and that was a good thing because I am honest with myself and others, then I would identify as a “slut.” I went through a whole self-slut shaming process today with J: I didn’t know this guy from last night! He was sort of a jerk! I don’t really want to see him again! I am a big ‘ol SLUT!! He was like, yeah, you are! Huh… okay, well… okay!
I don’t want to feel bad about my sexuality, my sex drive, my experience as a sexual human being. Everyone is sexual. Everyone wants sex. Everyone should be able to enjoy sex. Just because I didn’t know this guy well doesn’t mean I am immoral or bad or weird or gross. I knew what I wanted last night (an MFM!!), and I got it!
The guy we met last night ascribes to conservative Christianity. The sense that we got from him was that: 1. If he was in a relationship with someone (aka, not single), he probably would not be trolling Craigslist and hitting up couples; 2. It is okay for him to join a couple, because both partners in the couple agrees to the scenario; 3. However, what these couples are doing (including us) is immoral in the eyes of God, but he is exempt because it’s not his relationship and morals he is screwing up. Interesting, right? He didn’t explicitly say those things, but talked in a round-about way to describe how his religious ideals match up with his behavior.
Quick tangent: “There are many other reasons for a man’s sex drive to decrease including disease, injury, hormonal changes, stress, and extramarital affairs.” This was a quote we found when researching the Madonna-Whore Complex. What the heck?? Extramarital affairs decrease a man’s sex drive? We beg to differ! We have had more sex together than ever because of all of our experimenting, slutty behavior, and meeting and playing with new people! We think you should be worried if your partner all of a sudden wants sex all the time! 🙂