It’s time for an update… School has been keeping me too far away from our cute blog, and it’s been driving me nuts!!
J and I have been working through some schtuff, which is another reason why I haven’t posted anything lately… as much as it is helpful for me to process, write, and post what we are doing, I am not of the mind to post completely raw emotions and experiences on here. So it was best to wait until things simmered down. I am also attempting to segment my recent reflections, as it seems easier to write them this way although I think all of these issues are interconnected in different ways.
#1: My bisexuality journey.
I have been wanting a girlfriend. I am still trying to find one. These attempts are complicated by so many factors: physical attraction, emotional connection, other women looking for a similar relationship to the one I have in mind, J’s comfort level, etc. I have met women I like, but who aren’t interested in me in the same way, women who aren’t interested in the kind of relationship I am looking for, and women who are too busy to really invest time into exploring something with me. I have met women that I find attractive, who I feel chemistry with, and those that I don’t feel that instant click with. I am still trying to find the right kind of connection, and I am holding out hope and investing my time and energy into meeting people.
#2: Casual versus intimate sex, and What do we each want?
This is a big one. Both J and I have decided that we can enjoy casual or intimate sexual encounters, as long as there is chemistry. Intimate sex cannot be enjoyed by either of us if there is no chemistry. This seems like a no-brainer, but it has taken some time for both of us to figure out. By “casual” I mean encounters that are primarily about having sex. By “intimate” I mean encounters that also have a level of commitment to building, exploring, and sustaining a larger friendship or relationship. For me, intimate encounters are also those that I experience one-on-one with a person; I have yet to feel comfortable having a “casual” encounter one-on-one with someone. If I had chemistry with someone, I think I could enjoy both casual and intimate encounters. I don’t know if this makes sense to anyone else, but there it is.
So, for J right now, intimate sex just sounds way, waaaay better than casual sex. He is seeking relationships that can be built in an intimate way. And I definitely want a more intimate relationship with a girlfriend… and if I have casual encounters, there needs to be great chemistry.
#3: Phone counseling with Kathy Labriola.
Let me just give a tremendously positive review of Kathy Labriola’s counseling skills, even as they are over the phone. She is patient, communicative, asks great questions, and actually has a wealth of experience counseling people in open relationships and is able to draw on her personal experience as well. She is amazing. Simply amazing. And she accepts payment on a self-determined sliding scale!! Really awesome for students like ourselves. Anyone seeking helpful and compassionate advice about their open relationship journey and experiences? Call her!
#4. Jealousies and insecurities.
J and I have been working through some different jealousies and insecurities with regards to our current situation. Mine are related to his need for intimate relationships, and his have been related to personal insecurities. I have been experiencing varying insecurities since we opened up, and while it has been very painful for me at times to process insecurities, it has been just as painful for me to watch J process insecurities. Being on the other side of the process has made me more compassionate to J when I am experiencing insecurities, envy, etc.
I always make fun of J when he writes emails or messages with a numbered list, but this was actually easier for me to write with the numbers, so excuse the formality! :)