… After J and I saw “Breaking Through” we stopped off at our swingers’ club to meet up with a sexy friend.
I think my blog post title really sums my feelings from the evening:
A Good Fucking Never Hurts & Always Helps.
Maybe that isn’t always true, but I think it might be (for me)!
It was just a sexy night. I rarely drink, but last night I got nice and buzzed and really felt like my inhibitions were lowered (not that I needed them to be- but it was still fun). My friend and I made out and groped each other, and after not too long, I took him into a room. Delicious oral sex, lots of coming, and lots of pounding ensued. It was so fun! And such a release, so cathartic.
And then coming home with J, and doing that again complete with dirty talking and my Hitachi. Sometimes I feel like my life is so delicious, it just makes me want to laugh and cry.
And then I wake up the next morning, after a kind of crappy day yesterday, and think to myself: I fucking got this. I am ME and I’ll do what feels right! And if it’s being a kick-ass therapist who has different ideas about sexuality and relationships and a different way of operating and a different environment she wants to work in, so be it. I got this.
Tag Archives: toys
The Incredible Hunk
J and I finally played with our newest toy last night. Yes, it really is called The Incredible Hunk. I liked it! And was able to use more of it than I thought! The feeling is similar to fisting or DVP- really full. It’s made of silicone and has really nice ridges and texture, and so has an amazing feel. I recommend!! :D
I’ve got to admit: I’m just as taken with the marketing. It cracks me up! “A NEW league of HEROES has arrived just in time to SAVE you from BORING bedroom play!” Haha! (*easily amused*)
Hotwifing: What’s the Big Deal?
I have been noticing, for about 8 months now, that the vast majority of new visitors to my blog reach it through the few posts I have on hotwifing.
Look at these stats:
What’s the big deal folks?
Here’s my take:
Men are taught that one should never give up “their woman” to another man- to do so is emasculating. To enjoy the fact that one’s female/woman partner has a sexual relationship with another man emasculates and demoralizes you. To enjoy and get turned on by being with a woman who you are not in a relationship with (who is in fact in a coupled relationship with another man) is also taboo and rule-breaking.
I think there are a lot of you men out there looking for explanations, for community, to feel normal in your sexual desires and fantasies and turn ons.
You know what I think?
I think you’re all awesome. Talk about turning patriarchy on its head, folks! Talk about subverting misogynistic values upside down!! (Assuming, OF COURSE, that you are not coercing or forcing your partner to be intimate with anyone that they don’t want to be intimate with.) (And maybe I am completely wrong about this.)
I would love to hear from those of you who reach my blog via hotwife searches. Leave me some comments, send me an email, tell me your stories. Maybe we can create some more hotwife content on here- fantasies, real stories, motivations, experiences.
PS: Who is searching for “the different kinds we ended”? What does that mean, and how do you arrive at this blog?
Also: Props to cock sheaths!!! THEY ARE SO MUCH FUN! BUY ONE! OR TWO! OR MORE! :D
Another Swingers Club! & Drag Queens, Flogging, Male Strippers
J and I finally visited the other swingers’ club in town, and just happened to go on its grand reopening night.
Overall, I like the aesthetic of our regular club better. But, this other club is better for just lounging and chatting with other people. Which J and I both liked.
Highlights of the night included:
-Performances by a couple of drag queens (side note: for some reason I haven’t been able to pinpoint yet, drag queens turn me on. I don’t know if I would want to have sex with one, or if it’s just the super beautiful feminine appearance, or if I just a huge erotic charge from being around non-normative gender displays. But I loved being there in the front row to watch!! Which leads me to…)
-Both J and I were incorporated into a couple of performances. It was so much fun! J got his clothes torn off of him while she lip synched “Closer.” And he got us free tickets to the Erotic Ball for his cooperation! I am so excited to experience another sexy event! And I got my clothes ripped off and FLOGGED (note: a first for me). I really loved the flogging! It wasn’t super hard- it just felt like a really even slap or spank. It was good pressure and left the right amount of sting.
[Another note: something super interesting was that the drag queen did not seek consent of her participants. She just ripped off people's clothes without asking, touched people without asking- it was poor modeling for a space that espouses itself on consent.]
-A rope suspension demonstration, led by a lovely friend of ours who has tied me up several times. It was awesome to see someone suspended so quickly and well!
-A male stripper group. They were okay. Not quite the level of skill that I was expecting, but still fun to watch. I may have had quite the time with one of them later on… ;)
The club felt more like a divvied up office building, but some of the spaces were neat. One plus was their dancing pole had quite a bit more room around it so dancing there was a little more fun (than at our regular club). The music was lower, so we were actually able to talk to some new people. The food was decent. And this club has hot tubs, which was a lot more appealing than I thought it would be (the rule is to finish playing elsewhere. Thank goodness…) We also both really appreciated the fact that this club seems to attract a wider spectrum of sexual orientations and gender identities and appearances- we both appreciated the diversity and felt “at home” there. (That’s my biggest gripe with our regular club- that it doesn’t feel welcoming to gay men, trans people, or cross dressers- although we have seen and met some at our regular club. Having a drag queen MC an evening or more gender fluid events would definitely help shake things up.) I don’t know if we’ll go back to this club or not, but I am so glad we finally checked it out!
February was a Busy Month!
Yikes! I can’t believe I haven’t posted in a month and a half! That is way too long… and it’s not because we haven’t been pursuing open opportunities, communicating, negotiating, and having fun… that is precisely why I haven’t posted in so long (that, and school has literally been steam-rolling me. speaking of which, I am procrastinating from writing a take-home final, but I just can’t concentrate on that anymore right now!)… but now for an update!!
So… Valentine’s Day=awesome. J got some “X-Rated Valentine’s Candy Hearts,” the Tenga Air-Flip sleeve, and a subscription to Cosmo. Yes, Cosmo. He likes to read the insane pieces of advice and “insight” into the male brain. For example: you can tell how much a guy is into you by how he holds your hand. If you and your sweetie hold hands and you hold onto each other with your free hand, that means he is really into you- the possessiveness is a key (positive) indicator that he is into you. Whoa.
Dun-dun-dun-dun!! We got engaged! February 18, baby! (officially) We had a very long pre-engagement, as we got my ring right before Thanksgiving. Because we wanted to exchange rings (and yes, believe us, our families do not get it), we had to wait until J’s got made. His ring finally arrived on Valentine’s Day, and we had a lovely weekend going out to dinner and proposing to each other with letters we wrote to each other. Cute, right?!?
We have had a few ups and downs over the past month and a half, mostly related to unknown expectations and communication issues. For the most part, we have retained our sense of cool and gotten through them much more smoothly than bumps in the past. I think the more experiences we have where something might trigger one of us, our refractory periods of needing time to process and think and get over an insecurity or jealousy shortens. For example, my last “bump” so to speak only set me back a few hours. If this situation had happened a few months ago, I think it would have lasted a day or so. Progress!! I have also identified some of our most common communication errors: insufficient information about a partner or interest in a partner, and selective hearing (not really listening to something the other one is saying, but hearing what we want to hear). Identifying these common slips is helpful when communicating, so we can both do it better.
I have continued my vagina quest.. In fact, I met a lovely lady a couple of weeks ago through CL, and she’s pretty awesome. It hasn’t gone very far very fast, but that is fine. We are having a good time so far, so that counts!
J and I have continued to explore our fantasies together… including very dirty dirty talk, spanking, and hair pulling. All in all, I have been burning the candle at both ends…and really need more sleep (who am I kidding?? I would WAY rather get an hour or two less of sleep if I am having kinky, hot sex!)
Another thing that has happened recently that I feel compelled to share is that a very near and dear person to me came out to me in a couple of different ways. She recently started dating women, and is creating an open relationship with a new primary partner. How much she shared with me is completely breathtaking, and I just feel so honored that she included me. I had told her about our relationship last summer, and I remember feeling so nervous to. I hadn’t told a lot of people at that point yet, but I had a feeling she would be open, receptive, and respectful of it. J and I are continually amazed at how if we are honest with people, people usually respond with honesty. I think it is wonderful that I was able to share so much of myself with her, and she in return trusted me enough to share her experiences with me.
We recently hosted some vanilla friends. In fact, it was a friend I had in elementary school that I hadn’t seen since. She and her husband live not too far away from us, and decided they wanted to check out our neck of the woods. I thought it would be great if they stayed with us (despite my uber-stress over school- not a great decision), and it ended up being pretty fun to see them. However, it made both of us realize how open we are with our lives, and how open we love to be with our sexy friends. I remembered that not every couple will disclose their sex life, kinks, fantasies, values, etc with us… J and I were even a little embarrassed when our friends found us in the sex section at the bookstore (not really-we know that is nothing to be embarrassed about-but it was a shock to remember that not everyone talks about sex, haha).
Looking forward… I can’t believe that J and I have been open almost a year. April 1 is our anniversary of opening up, and I am planning on posting a reflection of the past year. I am also taking an independent class next quarter on human sexuality, and the instructor gave me some great stuff to read! I’m sure those books will make their way into the blog. She is also having me present to her undergrad class on a couple of topics of my choice… I will definitely present on alternatives to monogamy :) I also bought “The Sex Diaries Project” and “Sexual Intelligence” and am hoping to read them over our spring break- look for reviews of those, too!!
Happy March!