Tag Archives: toys

A Good Fucking Never Hurts & Always Helps

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… After J and I saw “Breaking Through” we stopped off at our swingers’ club to meet up with a sexy friend. 

 I think my blog post title really sums my feelings from the evening:
A Good Fucking Never Hurts & Always Helps.

 Maybe that isn’t always true, but I think it might be (for me)!

 It was just a sexy night. I rarely drink, but last night I got nice and buzzed and really felt like my inhibitions were lowered (not that I needed them to be- but it was still fun). My friend and I made out and groped each other, and after not too long, I took him into a room. Delicious oral sex, lots of coming, and lots of pounding ensued. It was so fun! And such a release, so cathartic.

 And then coming home with J, and doing that again complete with dirty talking and my Hitachi. Sometimes I feel like my life is so delicious, it just makes me want to laugh and cry.

 And then I wake up the next morning, after a kind of crappy day yesterday, and think to myself: I fucking got this. I am ME and I’ll do what feels right! And if it’s being a kick-ass therapist who has different ideas about sexuality and relationships and a different way of operating and a different environment she wants to work in, so be it. I got this.

The Incredible Hunk

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J and I finally played with our newest toy last night. Yes, it really is called The Incredible Hunk. I liked it! And was able to use more of it than I thought! The feeling is similar to fisting or DVP- really full. It’s made of silicone and has really nice ridges and texture, and so has an amazing feel. I recommend!! :D

I’ve got to admit: I’m just as taken with the marketing. It cracks me up! “A NEW league of HEROES has arrived just in time to SAVE you from BORING bedroom play!” Haha! (*easily amused*)

Hotwifing: What’s the Big Deal?

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I have been noticing, for about 8 months now, that the vast majority of new visitors to my blog reach it through the few posts I have on hotwifing.

 Look at these stats:

What’s the big deal folks?

Here’s my take:

Men are taught that one should never give up “their woman” to another man- to do so is emasculating. To enjoy the fact that one’s female/woman partner has a sexual relationship with another man emasculates and demoralizes you. To enjoy and get turned on by being with a woman who you are not in a relationship with (who is in fact in a coupled relationship with another man) is also taboo and rule-breaking.

 I think there are a lot of you men out there looking for explanations, for community, to feel normal in your sexual desires and fantasies and turn ons.

 You know what I think?

 I think you’re all awesome. Talk about turning patriarchy on its head, folks! Talk about subverting misogynistic values upside down!! (Assuming, OF COURSE, that you are not coercing or forcing your partner to be intimate with anyone that they don’t want to be intimate with.) (And maybe I am completely wrong about this.)

 I would love to hear from those of you who reach my blog via hotwife searches. Leave me some comments, send me an email, tell me your stories. Maybe we can create some more hotwife content on here- fantasies, real stories, motivations, experiences.

PS: Who is searching for “the different kinds we ended”? What does that mean, and how do you arrive at this blog?

Also: Props to cock sheaths!!! THEY ARE SO MUCH FUN! BUY ONE! OR TWO! OR MORE! :D

Another Swingers Club! & Drag Queens, Flogging, Male Strippers

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J and I finally visited the other swingers’ club in town, and just happened to go on its grand reopening night.

 Overall, I like the aesthetic of our regular club better. But, this other club is better for just lounging and chatting with other people. Which J and I both liked.

 Highlights of the night included:

 -Performances by a couple of drag queens (side note: for some reason I haven’t been able to pinpoint yet, drag queens turn me on. I don’t know if I would want to have sex with one, or if it’s just the super beautiful feminine appearance, or if I just a huge erotic charge from being around non-normative gender displays. But I loved being there in the front row to watch!! Which leads me to…)

 -Both J and I were incorporated into a couple of performances. It was so much fun! J got his clothes torn off of him while she lip synched “Closer.” And he got us free tickets to the Erotic Ball for his cooperation! I am so excited to experience another sexy event! And I got my clothes ripped off and FLOGGED (note: a first for me). I really loved the flogging! It wasn’t super hard- it just felt like a really even slap or spank. It was good pressure and left the right amount of sting.

 [Another note: something super interesting was that the drag queen did not seek consent of her participants. She just ripped off people's clothes without asking, touched people without asking- it was poor modeling for a space that espouses itself on consent.]

 -A rope suspension demonstration, led by a lovely friend of ours who has tied me up several times. It was awesome to see someone suspended so quickly and well!

 -A male stripper group. They were okay. Not quite the level of skill that I was expecting, but still fun to watch. I may have had quite the time with one of them later on… ;)

 The club felt more like a divvied up office building, but some of the spaces were neat. One plus was their dancing pole had quite a bit more room around it so dancing there was a little more fun (than at our regular club). The music was lower, so we were actually able to talk to some new people. The food was decent. And this club has hot tubs, which was a lot more appealing than I thought it would be (the rule is to finish playing elsewhere. Thank goodness…) We also both really appreciated the fact that this club seems to attract a wider spectrum of sexual orientations and gender identities and appearances- we both appreciated the diversity and felt “at home” there. (That’s my biggest gripe with our regular club- that it doesn’t feel welcoming to gay men, trans people, or cross dressers- although we have seen and met some at our regular club. Having a drag queen MC an evening or more gender fluid events would definitely help shake things up.) I don’t know if we’ll go back to this club or not, but I am so glad we finally checked it out!

February was a Busy Month!

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Yikes! I can’t believe I haven’t posted in a month and a half! That is way too long… and it’s not because we haven’t been pursuing open opportunities, communicating, negotiating, and having fun… that is precisely why I haven’t posted in so long (that, and school has literally been steam-rolling me. speaking of which, I am procrastinating from writing a take-home final, but I just can’t concentrate on that anymore right now!)… but now for an update!!

So… Valentine’s Day=awesome. J got some “X-Rated Valentine’s Candy Hearts,” the Tenga Air-Flip sleeve, and a subscription to Cosmo. Yes, Cosmo. He likes to read the insane pieces of advice and “insight” into the male brain. For example: you can tell how much a guy is into you by how he holds your hand. If you and your sweetie hold hands and you hold onto each other with your free hand, that means he is really into you- the possessiveness is a key (positive) indicator that he is into you. Whoa.


Dun-dun-dun-dun!! We got engaged! February 18, baby! (officially) We had a very long pre-engagement, as we got my ring right before Thanksgiving. Because we wanted to exchange rings (and yes, believe us, our families do not get it), we had to wait until J’s got made. His ring finally arrived on Valentine’s Day, and we had a lovely weekend going out to dinner and proposing to each other with letters we wrote to each other. Cute, right?!?


We have had a few ups and downs over the past month and a half, mostly related to unknown expectations and communication issues. For the most part, we have retained our sense of cool and gotten through them much more smoothly than bumps in the past. I think the more experiences we have where something might trigger one of us, our refractory periods of needing time to process and think and get over an insecurity or jealousy shortens. For example, my last “bump” so to speak only set me back a few hours. If this situation had happened a few months ago, I think it would have lasted a day or so. Progress!! I have also identified some of our most common communication errors: insufficient information about a partner or interest in a partner, and selective hearing (not really listening to something the other one is saying, but hearing what we want to hear). Identifying these common slips is helpful when communicating, so we can both do it better.


I have continued my vagina quest.. In fact, I met a lovely lady a couple of weeks ago through CL, and she’s pretty awesome. It hasn’t gone very far very fast, but that is fine. We are having a good time so far, so that counts!

J and I have continued to explore our fantasies together… including very dirty dirty talk, spanking, and hair pulling. All in all, I have been burning the candle at both ends…and really need more sleep (who am I kidding?? I would WAY rather get an hour or two less of sleep if I am having kinky, hot sex!)


Another thing that has happened recently that I feel compelled to share is that a very near and dear person to me came out to me in a couple of different ways. She recently started dating women, and is creating an open relationship with a new primary partner. How much she shared with me is completely breathtaking, and I just feel so honored that she included me. I had told her about our relationship last summer, and I remember feeling so nervous to. I hadn’t told a lot of people at that point yet, but I had a feeling she would be open, receptive, and respectful of it. J and I are continually amazed at how if we are honest with people, people usually respond with honesty. I think it is wonderful that I was able to share so much of myself with her, and she in return trusted me enough to share her experiences with me.

We recently hosted some vanilla friends. In fact, it was a friend I had in elementary school that I hadn’t seen since. She and her husband live not too far away from us, and decided they wanted to check out our neck of the woods. I thought it would be great if they stayed with us (despite my uber-stress over school- not a great decision), and it ended up being pretty fun to see them. However, it made both of us realize how open we are with our lives, and how open we love to be with our sexy friends. I remembered that not every couple will disclose their sex life, kinks, fantasies, values, etc with us… J and I were even a little embarrassed when our friends found us in the sex section at the bookstore (not really-we know that is nothing to be embarrassed about-but it was a shock to remember that not everyone talks about sex, haha).


Looking forward… I can’t believe that J and I have been open almost a year. April 1 is our anniversary of opening up, and I am planning on posting a reflection of the past year. I am also taking an independent class next quarter on human sexuality, and the instructor gave me some great stuff to read! I’m sure those books will make their way into the blog. She is also having me present to her undergrad class on a couple of topics of my choice… I will definitely present on alternatives to monogamy :) I also bought “The Sex Diaries Project” and “Sexual Intelligence” and am hoping to read them over our spring break- look for reviews of those, too!!


Happy March!

The Elusive FMF- Is it really all it is cracked up to be?

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K and I recently had the chance to experience an FMF thanks to a willing and adventurous woman from a couple that we have become close with recently.  First of all, I want to thank that other woman for being so adventurous and willing to hop right in and try something completely new despite being fairly new to all of this.
 
So, to put the FMF in perspective for our readers it is important to know that for K, this was all about my pleasure. :-)  K, while comfortable playing with other women and occasionally turned on by those experiences, is primarily straight.  This meant that her motivation for inviting another woman to join us was primarily about turning me on and allowing me to have the experience of two women who were both there and interested in playing with me. 
 
In my imagination (yes I have thought about this before. . . a lot) this scenario sounded awesome but as this scenario started to seem more like a real possibility, I began to question whether this was something that I was really even interested in.  Since the option to play with other women is already available to me through couple play, group play, separate play, and other types of play, it meant that the only benefit of an FMF was literally having two women pleasing me at the same time.  Because, if I just wanted to be with other women, I could experience that through couple play or single play with other women in a one-on-one type setting. 
 
When I actually thought (realistically, not just fantasizing) about the logistics of the scenario I realized that I am always more than satisfied with just one woman in the bedroom.  I cannot recall a single time in my life when the woman I was with was completely drained while I lay there wanting more. This is especially true with K who is always more than willing to make sure I am satisfied by using her hands, mouth, toys, etc. in order to make sure that I am completely satisfied!
 
So, while the FMF sounded fun as a new experience to try (because, after all, you have to try something once to know whether or not you like it) I was not entirely sure how the logistics of the actual scenario would work out.
 
Not to sound completely ungrateful for the chance to try out this experience and for these two beautiful and open women who were willing to make this happen for me but. . . I am not sure that the reality of the situation really lived up to the fantasy.  To be perfectly honest, at times it felt like twice as much work without a lot of added benefit.  Throughout the situation I felt like it was quite difficult to just act naturally and follow my urges because I was constantly worried about a variety of things such as: whether or not I was giving equal time to both women, whether both women were satisfied, and if there were jealousy issues coming up. Even with the Hitachi Magic Wand as my partner, I was constantly trying to make sure that both women were satisfied, getting enough attention and enjoying the experience. It became somewhat overwhelming to keep track of all of these different factors and I sort of wished that I was alone and fantasizing about the experience rather than actually in the situation.  I think that as I feel more comfortable with K and more trusting of her ability to honestly communicate when she is having feelings of jealousy, an FMF experience will be more satisfying.  However, at the point we were at when we had this FMF, I was unsure about whether or not K was honestly communicating with me about her desire to have this experience.  Because of all of the emotional complications of this particular FMF, the sex was not quite as spectacular as there is likely potential for.
 
Besides all of the mental turn offs of attempting an FMF that I learned from my first attempt at an FMF, I confirmed that one woman is more than enough to satisfy me.  In my relationship I am almost always ready to be done with sex and to fall asleep before K.  Adding in a second woman who also needed physical attention, penetration, and kissing was simply more work than I was able to handle physically while still ensuring that both women were physically satisfied.  Thank goodness for the Hitachi Magic Wand because without that amazing device, these women would have been expecting way too much out of me.
 
While the FMF was overall a good experience, due in very large part to the wonderful women who made this experience possible, it was not everything that I imagined.  Perhaps I simply built up this situation too much in my mind.  The reality of the situation was that there were twice as many women in the room all expecting to leave the situation physically satisfied and there was a huge potential for emotional issues that left me feeling overwhelmed.  I look forward to trying this situation again in the future as it was overall a good experience but if it never happens again, I am just thankful for the opportunity I had to explore this with these two women.

Self-Love & Masturbation, and How an FMF Worked for Me!

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I (K) used to masturbate all the time, since I “figured it out” around the age of 12 or 13. Like all the time. Like a few times a day if I could. And then a couple of years ago during college, I just sort of stopped. I didn’t really think about it; it wasn’t a conscious decision. But I was fine; I felt like many of my sexual desires were being met by my partner (J), and I didn’t think to keep up my practice of self-love.
 
That is, until J came home talking about one of his favorite podcasts (Life on the Swing Set), on which the hosts discussed masturbating and how it enhances one’s sex life. My first thought: Excuse me? So now J is going to go masturbate, and then not want to have sex with me?
 
Hold up. Why would either I or J masturbating have any effect on our sex life together? What is wrong about having a personal sex life? Actually, nothing.
 
In fact, knowing what I like means I am better able to tell my partners what I want and like. And, at least for me, when I have masturbated earlier in the day, sometimes I notice being that much more turned on, not to mentioned relaxed and happier, the rest of the day.
 
Sex, and love for that matter, is not a zero-sum game. Having sex once during the day doesn’t mean we can’t have it again later if we both want to. If I masturbate in the morning, I might still want to have sex later, or right away! And the same goes for J: if he wants to masturbate, that is his personal sexy time, and he will involve me when he wants to! (This also completely relates to a topic J will be covering soon—what counts as “sex”? Orgasm isn’t always the “point” of every sexual encounter. Sometimes it isn’t possible to be turned on again, but we can still share steamy moments and aid each other in masturbating!)
 
Now that I have rediscovered my sense of self-love and am willing to act on it, I am so much more relaxed. I remember during college there would be nights when J wouldn’t want to play; I would get so frustrated! I remember having so much sexual tension during some parts of college! I just wasn’t getting enough release. Now if a similar situation arises, I will take care of my needs, on my own. Sometimes it has the effect of turning on J, and we do enjoy each other, and sometimes I slip out of bed and enjoy myself. Either way, I feel more fulfilled all of the time!
 
How does all of this tie into having an FMF? Well, honestly because I think that for an FMF work with two straight and bi-comfortable women (which was our situation), each woman has to be comfortable with performing her act of self-love in front of two other people. The one M can only do so much at one time!! And I wouldn’t want J to feel obligated to get two women off! I had a great time- I got to use my wonderful Hitachi for minutes at a time, which totally turned on J and the other F. I think it was an adjustment to realize that I would need to have more “self-love” time in front of two people, but after trying it out, I was totally happy masturbating. I didn’t really need anything else! Playing with K (the other F) was totally rockin’ and getting to play with J was also AWESOME (that was really the point for me –to aid another F in pleasuring J!!), but having a super sexy atmosphere to masturbate in was also amazing! (Thanks again K for participating in such a sexy time with us!)