We met a couple a while back, and a romantic relationship never manifested. But something the woman said to me has stuck with me.
“I will never, ever try to steal J away from you. I want you to trust me and to know that I would never, ever try to hurt you. I promise that you can feel safe with me. I will never, ever try to take him away from you.”
When she said it, it sort of irritated me. My left brain said to me: Well no shit. I know that you can’t “take away” someone. That person (J) chooses who he wants to be with. You don’t need to coddle me!
But it has stuck with me, because to my right brain, it was a relief to hear that kind of reassurance. It was basic and simple, but it really resonated with my base fears and insecurities. I have felt soothed when I now look back on that conversation with her.
I would like to brainstorm how to communicate a similar message to other women that I may become involved with in the future, as something to say to them if I am involved with their partner. And I would like to be able to ask to hear that kind of reassurance from women that J sees in the future, if I am able to develop any kind of relationship with them. For one reason or another, that message felt very connecting and safe space-creating, and I think it is really good to know what kind of reassurance makes such a difference in my own sense of security and trust.