Starting the Open Conversation

My next post on went live today: “How Do I Talk to My Partner if I Want to Open Up Our Relationship?

This was one was a bit more difficult for me to write, because J and I didn’t have to go through that conversation; we arrived at ethical nonmonogamy together after reading Sex at Dawn. I haven’t been on either side of that conversation before, and so my advice came from the books I have read and talking to friends who have experienced that process. 

Coincidentally, DA also published an article today called “How To Get the Threesome You’ve Always Wanted.” I have been working on a Threesomes & Moresomes post for DA, and so I was pretty intrigued what this guy had to say (a self-described social dynamics expert and coach… uh huh). There are things he included that seemed insightful- a threesome can include another guy and it’s not necessarily gay, threesomes aren’t just like porn (they can be boring or awkward or stressful), and threesomes can manifest in a few different ways (you’re part of a couple and adding a third, you find a couple of friends or strangers and get it on, or your a third to an existing couple). Other than that, everything else he wrote makes me think he has no experience with threesomes. Or at the very least, he over simplified a lot. And these two pieces of “advice” are absolutely terrible: 

“Asking your girl might be the most direct way to get a threesome, but it’s also just about the worst way to get it.”

You and your girl grab a third wheel.
This is how most people who are actively aspiring to a threesome are able to make it happen.
However, there’s a problem with this. On a certain level, you’re basically telling your girlfriend she isn’t enough for you and you aren’t that interested in her feelings.”


Hopefully my post will even out some of the twisted things he wrote. My next post going live for DA will be on managing jealousy, and then my threesomes and moresomes post 🙂

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