I think I have mentioned Jaiya’s work on here before, but I am using her Stages of Sexuality to frame up this post. Within her Stages, she includes resting, transformative, adventurous, curious, and healing. I have found myself in that resting stage for the past few weeks now.
J and I have been managing a lot of stress right now- stress from trying to figure out what we want to do and where we want to go in a couple of months. We have been dealing with a lot of unknowns since the fall, really. In between me applying for school program, him applying for jobs, both of us craving our California sun, both of us sad to leave our community up here, and so much else, the variables are almost too complicated to manage.
The result for me has taken its toll on my sex drive. Lots of things sound sexy- fantasies, and many situations, theoretically, sound really hot. Group sex? Gangbangs? Dating a girl? All have in the past sounded amazing. Right now, they all sound sort of meh. I am pretty sure if I was dropped into a situation where I felt totally safe and didn’t have to think or consider the things I normally do pretty easily (emotional intimacy, mental connection, overall chemistry, etc. etc.), I would get turned on and enjoy myself. But all of the emotional and mental work it takes has been exerted elsewhere- it is being spent in my relationship with J, and in my relationship with myself. I have found myself needing to take extra time for self care so that I don’t fall apart (and I’ve done that, too). I have found myself craving both deep, deep intimacy and deep, deep aloneness. It’s confusing, and a little aggravating.
Because I haven’t experienced that many resting stages in my own sexuality, I find the experience a little unnerving. It’s like I feel antsy that I don’t want sex to the same degree that is normal for me. It’s strange. But I also know these things go in waves, and soon enough, I’ll be back to my more normal, adventurous and curious (and tiger) self 🙂